Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Laura Adams on August 30, 2011 at 4:47pm

Guess it is hard/diffucult/inappropriate to try to quantify 'what makes a good man?" though. We are all so different. I'm just SO glad I found Dave. I would say it knowing when its real love comes with age, but I wan engaged briefly at age 19 to am guy who was not bothered by my hair, who really loved me deeply. I was too young to know yet what real love was like, and foolish to think I could be happy with someone smart but still over 20 iq points below me. I thought I could love him back. Good heart, weak mind - but was I just was taking "any port in a storm" cause I thought 'hey, someone ACTUALLY wants me despite my alopecia, I can't let this 'opportunity' pass by'...and he asked me to marry him within 6 mos (I said yes - thinking it was the only time I'd get asked). I soon, however, learned that reining in your intellect is exhausting after a while. He never did really anything wrong, nothing that I could break up with him about, so I just finally broke down told him that we'd (I'd?) rushed into things and we (I?) needed to break it off. Broke his heart. I'm still sorry for that. It deeply hurt me to see the very real pain I caused him by ending the relationship I let go too far too fast, and do not intend on hurting Dave. He is within my realm intellectually and he look at me with such intense adoration. I could almost palpably FEEL/sense his love four days before he told me. I knew. I knew. [ I want italics]
Yes I have damaged a man emotionally before, unintentionally. Foolishly. Yes I myself since have been hurt, been stomped on and done wrong a couple times.
This world does possess kind, self-assured men who do not care a flip about hair. And they probably come in all shapes, sizes, and levels of intellect.
AU aside, I'm a difficult person to deal with because I'm kinda wound tight. A little high-strung you could say. Dave sees the real, real me (whom I myself know better now than when I was 19) and fell head over heels, to use a cliche.
Meeting so many happily married Alopecians has shown me that I have a real chance at this. Thank you ladies.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on August 30, 2011 at 8:19pm

There is also something to be said for maintaining the mystery for awhile, and unwrapping The Gift slowly...

; )

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Fulvio982 on August 31, 2011 at 8:57am

As a man, almost 29 y.o. and after some bad AU years...

I have to say that it's too easy to say NOW that men should be in this way or another one. When we didn't have the alopecia areate or universalis, how many times we gave so much attentions and importance to the appereance of the other people? are we really sure that in THAT situation we easily would accept an alopecian girlfriend/boyfriend?
I don't think so. I think that only now we know that this situation obviously select in a much more heavy way the people that would accept us and it's quiet easy to say that all the people should not care about it.

Truth is that we are just human with defects that nowdays are much more evidenced than some centuries ago where the family and the concept of "to live for creating a new life" was probably a better objective in human life.
We grew up as the other people that we hate when they don't accept this problem and we from the other side would act in a similar way, someone better someone more gently but at the end thinking the same things.

I think I've accepted this problem after so many many many bad days, simply going on, concentrating on the rest... but I know that there'll always be ups and down and the only way that a relationship could run where someone has got these kind of problems, is to know ourself but not only expecting that the healthy partner will always be there to accomodate our bad moments and thinking that this is the right thing he/she has to do.
Women and men are just the same in this problem from our side or from the other healthy one.

• ▶ Reply