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When should I tell a date I have alopecia?
I very rarely wear wigs. I wear them once a week maybe once every few weeks. I wear hats or scarves almost daily. Usually I wear a wig for special occasions or for meetings. I went on a great date with this guy last night and I had a meeting earlier that day so I wore a wig to meet him. We both had a great time and he was very adamant about us setting up a second date before thanksgiving when we both go out of town (so I know he likes me thus far). We met online and in my photos I have two bald pictures and one fairly obvious long red hair wig photo. I realized by meeting him with the wig he could either think
1. My hair grew out from those bald photos
2. I am bald but I wear wigs regularly.
I don't want to give him the illusion I like to wear wigs (at all) by wearing one on the second date just to fool him into being attracted to me but I also really like him and don't want to be foolish and do something drastic that may detract him from me prematurely. Should I opt for the hat or wig on the second date? I want to wear a hat of course, but when is a good time to present to him my daily head wear? 2nd or 3rd date or do you think it does not matter if he already likes me?
p.s. this is my first time actually liking someone after being bald these past 8 months. :/
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Rach1992 on
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only thing is that I don't want to break that news over text message but I definitely agree with the sentiment.. the sooner the better. I wish everyone was okay with it. No one would reject someone for having a thyroid condition xD
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Awh thank you for the kind words. You are so beautiful too, inside and out ^_^
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Permalink Reply by icarus on
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hell, what an awkward situation.
I am not brave at all. Despite my hair has mostly grown back and kinda darker than original, there are yet a few patches full of white hair and i cant stand it. Still trying to hide it. Still not get used to it.
So a jockey is necessity for outdoor experiences.
So Rach1992, its all up to you. Whether you accept yourself or not is one of the factors determining your sex appeal. Not the only factor of course, but a crucial one.
PS. i didnt have any girlfriend with areata. In fact i pretended not to look at them few unlucky girls. It is supposed to be indiscrete to stare at people with alopecia, so i automatically turned my face off.
PS u look beautiful, hairless or not. Go on!
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thank you :) id say I accept myself with alopecia but I don't always find myself attractive looking in my baldness and can understand if guys reject me for it. I think I have a lot more to offer even in the looks category but I understand how ingrained it is in our society for women to have "healthy" shiny long hair. It can be a deal-breaker for some guys. Haha I actually find myself more attracted to bald guys since having alopecia. I feel like I understand that it must have been hard for them to lose their hair and I see a certain kind of sex appeal to a body with more skin exposed ^_^
Thank you for the kind words <3
I am just mentally preparing myself for possible rejection. It's weird because I've never had something outstanding about myself that a lot of people considered to be not very appealing. Feels kinda like a roadblock but in another way, the people who do accept us with alopecia are the keepers.
Quick question kinda off topic- did you do something to get your hair back or was it a "random" remission?
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i explained it in my previous post. My AA type was the classic patchy one which in general has a favorable prognosis, no eyebrow/lass loss, not extremely extended, not forming in ophiasis, no early onset, no prior alopecia episodes, no other autoimmune stuff, and i got the peachfuzz almost in the beginning which is a particulary good sign, according to my derm.
I followed the first-line treatments, a couple of steroid injections, some oral cortisone and a lotion.
PS. Forgot to mention something: Now that i do stare at bald women (where are my manners?), i realise that much of them can be extremely sexy and attractive. Dont know why. I recently saw a woman in her mid 30s, scalp covered in a bandana, hairless, propably AU. Eyebrows were tattooed, couldnt tell. But...hell she was AWESOME. So sexy!
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:) I personally as a bald person don't like the stares but it's nice to know some come from a good place! There's a saying out there, or a statistic, or something haha, that states that if a person stares at someone else for 10 seconds or more, they either want to kill them or have sex with them. I doubt people want to kill me so I'll just believe I must be desirable xD
Also, that's crazy. AA can affect body/brow/lash hair so you were lucky! Also from what I read AA does not have a favorable prognosis. It does if you have had only one episode which now from what I'm reading you seem to have only had one. It's bad if you have another, then it becomes a possible lifelong ongoing one and honestly I'd rather have AU than lifelong AA because I don't have to deal with the unsightly "map" on my head shaving the hair or patchy body hair anymore xD
I'm happy that you have regrowth and aren't dealing with AU. I mean, it's really just hair and doesn't keep me up at night, but it is cool to have it! :)
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awh thank you :) this made me feel better. I'm thinking I'll tell him in the next few dates. Now that he knows I'm bald and I wear it out, telling him about my alopecia should be easier ^_^
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I like that description. Given that, I need to work on my confidence a bit but I apparently give a good front. People always tell me I am so inspiring in how confident I am and take alopecia so well
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Okay guys- haha, I wanted to update you all: I went on the second date with my hat on and he did not mind at all! We had a great date and have another one lined up soon :)
I think now knowing he's alright with my baldness, I'll tell him about the alopecia when the topic feels natural to talk about. At this point, since he never asked, I won't bring it up like a confession on the third date :P
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Permalink Reply by catbert on
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I would defiantly wait a couple of dates. I believe that he will be less biased by his ego after he got a bit closer to you. It can be such a trouble with all the "perfectionism" in dating. Why does the other person at once does not want anything from you when you showed yourself from a more every-day life side once. But I have to play the game as well and I try to avoid confrontation with the real life and keep the illusion alive for a couple more dates... If I see that the guy would not accept me as I am (with advanced analysis of his answers on certain questions of like) I just dump him.
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Permalink Reply by KingRhinoNJ on
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Hi ----
Actually, when I met my now girlfriend, after she responded to my personal ad, it was the first thing she said to me... literally! LOL
And, she has chosen to live her life every day without wigs and only wears a hat when it's cold out. So, not only did I know immediately, the first photo I ever saw of her was without hair and that's great because I fell very much in love with her regardless of her having alopecia.
In fact, I wrote about it on my blog ... She calls it the greatest love letter anyone has ever written her ....
https://therhinoshorn.wordpress.com/2015/11/26/the-beauty-within/
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