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When Should I Tell Her?
Hi Everyone. So long story short, i am a 19 year old in my second year at college and at the start of school developed aggressive Alopecia Areata (however I've had diffuse alopecia since i was 15) My hair loss is continuing rapidly and in 2 months I've lost about 50% of my hair. If it doesn't get better i am going to shave my head in the next couple of weeks. However, about 6 weeks ago i met a really nice girl and we've been hanging out. I think she knows about my hair but not sure. Recently it has been very hard to hide it so i have been wearing a hat. I really want to ask her to be my girlfriend but since i am probably going to become bald, i really need and want to tell her about my alopecia. How should i tell her? What is the best way to do it?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by chris for hair on
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Hi AC, I would think she already has an idea since you have been wearing hats, and to many people this does not affect the way they feel about another, especially if it is a male.
Since I work with people experiencing hair loss, I am amazed at how many women could care less about whether their man has hair or not. Usually it is the guy that feels so much better looking in the mirror seeing hair rather than bald.
Having said that, I always think it is best to enter relationships with open communication about the things that are important to you. (and her of course) If I were in your shoes, I think I would try to feel her out first, see if she has the same level of interest you do, then if you feel she is in to you as much as you are her, talk about ALL of the things you might look for in a relationship, as well as bring this topic up. You might talk about some other things first, then say something like "You must notice I always wear a hat" then explain to her what is going on, how you feel about losing your hair, (in your case it might not be permanent as genetic hair loss is) and explain to her about Alopecia.
If she is who you think she is, it will not be an issue. You do not have a terminal condition, you have a challenge that impacts your self esteem. If she seems to be negativelyimpacted by this disclosure, she is not the woman for you anyway. There will be others. You can decide if you feel comfortable being friends, or move on.
At 19 it seems like you meet one person that stands out from others, and you need to cement your relationship. It is great if that works out, but if not, there will be others, and MANY women do not care if their man has hair or not. Hopefully she is one of them. Good luck!
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Permalink Reply by The HIGHGROUNG on
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Dude, I am a male and I developed alopecia at 21 so I kind of know what u are going through.
Don't want to sound like the party pooper but the comment the lady wrote before me is full of BS. women care about appearance. And if they can see vulnerability in you then I've got some bad news... A natural bald man has nothing to do with alopecia aerata or universalis. It looks like a medical condition... but I don't need to explain this cause it's obvious.
Just be strong, if the girl doesn't see a future with you or isn't attracted to you because of this then too bad. Don't depress over her, you will find one girl who doesn't care about hair... but it's a long road... a very difficult journey and a lonely one.
Did u look into treatment? Xeljanz could be a good option for you.
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