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Wigs - I'm conflicted
Let me just preface my post with this-- I love my wigs. I'm gonna humbly brag a little here and say that they're beautiful, and, when compared to my friends' hair, my husband tells me that mine is far and away the sexiest, :) I don't mind spending 10,000+ every few months to have brunette "hair" like mine.
But I feel disgusting when I'm not in my wig. I hate it as much as I love it. I hate sleeping in it at hotels, I hate having to bring multiple wigs on trips for different purposes (I can elaborate on that, if I need to). I hate leaving company to run to the bathroom every few minutes to check on my hairline and make sure my eyebrows look good. The thought of my wig coming off nags at me every day, and I just want to live my life like I did when I had hair and didn't have to spend this much and worry this much to look like I do.
I'm conflicted and would appreciate comments. I need to vent and I need advice.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Vicki on
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Hi, I dont wear wigs yet as I have yet to find a good one that I like. I have some but they just arent me. Maybe its because its not MY hair so nothing is good enough for me. I did wear one wig one day and I stressed the whole time about the wind, if it looked fake, did people know...............I couldnt wait to go home to take it off.
I know our situation is different, but I get what you mean - I want to live my life like I did when I had my thick long hair. I want to be able to quickly wash my hair, let it dry naturally and quickly put it up. I want to be able to go to the hairdressers for a colour and a blow dry and look good. I want to look cute again. I have my hair shaved very short and I hide under hats and behind sunglasses when I go out. My husband says I look cute with shaved short hair - which makes me cross as I hate it because it is very thin shaved hair. I only let my husband and my parents see me without a hat! My eyebrows are thin too but I have had them professionally done so they look fab now and I dont have to mess around with them every morning. I had them done by Suman Brows who is excellent.
I think you are lucky that you have found some great wigs that you love and that you feel good in - but I totally understand its stressful to worry about your hairline and if your eyebrows look good. Maybe with time you will feel more confident (how long have you been wearing wigs?).
What I would love to know is where you get your wigs from.
x
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Is your hair worth the expense and worry? If it is, then no problem. If it isn't, then don't. For me, I could think of much more fun things to spend that much money on than hair, and trying to keep my hair loss a secret would be much more stressful than being open about it. I can wear wigs and look fine and not be afraid of an inadvertent slip ruining everything. My personal benchmark for whether alopecia is winning is if it limits my activities. I refuse to let it. If dealing with a wig is too much hassle or discomfort (camping, running, hanging out at home etc.) I choose not to wear one, and that works for me.
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I like your attitude. I do have my hair but it is quite thin on top and in certain conditions is quite noticeable. I have opted to live with it and even if it grows thinner will not buy a wig but I would if I had no hair. I am home alone with my spouse (aged 68, not in public too much) so it's easier I guess.
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Hi Jacquelyn, I totally understand how you feel! I used to feel self-conscious about my hairline showing and my brows rubbing off. If you wear lace front wigs, you could try the adhesive tape to help your wig stay in place. If you do this, you'll want to purchase some Lace Off too, so that you can gently remove the adhesive. Another trick I've learned is hair wrapping - You can see a tutorial here - My clients swear by this!! https://www.jonrenau.com/blog/how-to-wear-the-hair-tutorial/
*make sure your hair is damp for best results!
Regarding brows, I think brow powder looks the most natural, but you may want to consider wunder brow as well. I used that for several months with no worrying about them wiping off! I also have my brows tatooed on underneath and that has provided me with a lot of peace of mind. :) I'm having a 20% off sale through Monday, along with free shipping and a free hair care kit at my online wig store. This may help offset some of the costs you are faced with. Lastly, when I'm not wearing a wig, I wear my baseball cap. Its comfy and helps me feel confident around my husband and kids, even though I don't have hair underneath. You are beautiful, and I hope that you begin to feel some peace of mind when wearing your wig. If the above tips don't work, let me know. I'm happy to help and have lots of tricks! :) All the best, Andrea - WigStudio1
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Permalink Reply by Shannon on
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Dear Jacquelyn, your hair looks very beautiful in your photos! The thing that stood out to me in your post is when you said you feel disgusting when you're not in your wig. That is where the conflict comes in. The perfect place to be is to be free to be comfortable. If you like wearing hair at times, you should feel comfortable with that. But if you're uncomfortable having to sleep in it at a hotel, I think you need to look at what is preventing you from taking it off and having a good rest. It's the disgust and the terror that you need to address. I have been there. I've looked in the mirror and been horrified by my reflection. But I've come a long way and now I what I want. If I'm running and I'm drenched in sweat... I'm not going to let me fear and disgust stop me from being comfortable. Counseling can help. The biggest help to me has been a type of energy healing called the Emotion Code. I'm not saying you need to go out bald but if you feel disgusted about your reflection without a wig, maybe it would be of some help to look deeper past your reflection to the soul that resides within you and see how you can help her to get to a better place where she doesn't have to deal with conflicts on such a regular basis. I don't mean this to sound the least bit judgmental ay all! Just saying that I've been where you are and I feel so blessed and like the weight of the world is off my shoulders that I am happy enough and secure enough with myself to wear wigs when I want to... And to be able to take them off when they're driving me crazy... And still like myself.
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Hi Jacquelyn, I completely understand where you are coming from. I myself struggle with the same daily irritations. No one but a fellow alopecian would really get where you are coming from. I have Alopecia Universalis and only lost my hair in my thirties so 7 years later life feels very different with no hair. To help I had a slim line tattooed around my eyes for definition and my eyebrows microblade. Never have to worry about my face ever and looks very natural!! As for the wigs this has been a daily struggle which Im hoping to resolve as I just ordered a Freedom wig after being fed up of hairline issues not to mention wet wigs from heat and inability to just be free to do what ever I want. As previously mentioned you cannot sleep in them but the only thing ive heard you cant do is cliff dive which I guess I can live with...lol
This is one immune disease I don't think we will ever feel 100% ok as we just want our hair back..plain and simple right? But we have no choice to make the best out of the situation and help each other out when it becomes to much. You are beautiful with and without hair so lets make it easier for ourselves and get back to living. Sending hugs your way xo
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Permalink Reply by Ms Lori on
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I also do love my wigs and my husband says the same thing.
I actually going to get brows tattooed.. called Blading.
When I go to hotels I wear a bandana.
I have my days when it's totally frustrating... but I also feel blessed for good health.
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I thank God for the great hair that is out there now.....they have come a long way. I was definitely not comfortable without my wig. I would go into panic mode if my kids walked in with a friend or someone stopped by and I didn't have my hair on. I worked in a kitchen for a long time while wearing a wig. It was so hot and itchy during the summer - that's when I wished I could be brave enough to just were a hat or something other than my wig. I felt ugly without my wig and didn't want the stares or questions. It's a terrible feeling that unfortunately for me never went away. My husband was always very supportive - he has no hair either :) We were like two cue balls waking up next to each other. It certainly didn't make me feel sexy. We go boating a lot and I never wanted to invite anyone in case my hair blew up or God forbid off! So I feel your pain. I have suffered from Alopecia since I was 15. It started with patches....then I lost 40% of my hair...it grew back - had a hysterectomy when I was 34 and lost all my hair, eyelashes and eyebrows. 6 years went by and I started getting patches back on my head. I switched the hormone I was on and all my hair grew back as well as my eyelashes and eyebrows. No one can understand the anguish you feel other than another person going through the same thing. My mother would tell me not to be so vain - no one is looking at my hair or cares whether I have it or not....another friend told me to get over myself. I know they were trying to be helpful and make me feel like no one cared either way - but I did. Looking and feeling good all day with my wig on to come home and peel it off to feel a sadness no one else understood. So many emotions go along with this disease. Stay positive....to make myself feel better and not so sorry for myself I would think of others that can't walk or talk or have a terminal illness. It's hair - and now we can buy the best there is. We can feel better for at least part of the day - and thankfully the other 1/2 is spent sleeping :) No one understands how you miss feeling a breeze across your scalp - with a wig your hair just blows and your head is so hot under there.....or to feel a brush hit your scalp and run through your hair....shampooing - it's those things you miss too. Stay strong and try to find some coping tricks to get you through.
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Permalink Reply by Eddiblueyes on
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Love ur self. Ur outward look doesn't define u. Although u look different, different doesn't mean better or worse. And if anyone treats u different then u don't really want people like that in ur life anyway. On a personal note I do think u r very attractive. Now it's time for u to think the same. Just play the cards u r dealt. Master this a u will master a bit of ur self and truely be free. God bless.
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Permalink Reply by Suzie on
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First of all I want to ask you where you get your wigs from because they are beautiful! You look so natural in them.I have been watching my hair thin for the past 3 years.....I had aa when I was a teenager and it all grew back on its own. In my late 20's I developed RA after giving birth to my second child. Had a few bald patches here and there but nothing at all. My RA got worse so I began taking biologics.....still no issues with my hair until I was on Orencia. Felt great on it, so I decided to get off of it...then I had bad flare-ups so I went on it again. I don't know if it was the starting, stopping, starting that messed up my immune system or not. It started as 1-2 small patches, and now I have several and the thinning is the most difficult! It is devastating watching it slowly thin and I know I am going through menopause, so I'm sure that is not helping at all. I am traveling to Florida next week to see a specialist in hair extensions, pieces call Hair Therapy for Women. I have read a lot of review about her (Bobbi) and I'm hoping she can help me feel "normal" again. She even invented a top piece that will not damage your existing hair and looks pretty natural. She has also suggested igrow laser helmet, viviscal professional hair vitamins, certain shampoos, all of which I am going to try. Only people going through this can truly understand what you are going through. All any of us want is to have our own hair back!
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