Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by kastababy on August 27, 2008 at 7:44pm

You know, as I type this response (with a Dominican Sister sitting next to me), I have to be quite honest -- I think that I had a lot more faith growing up than I do now. I pray, go to church when I can, give of myself as much as I can, and try as much as humanly possible to live a Christ-like life, yet for the longest time I haven't been able to get past the feeling that if I am living such a good life, why hasn't my AA gone away? I have tried not to take anything for granted, and maybe my test of faith failed when I lost the three people in the world that helped me the most in coping with my alopecia -- since that time, it's been one struggle for acceptance after another, and quite frankly I'm tired of fighting. I see God's majesty and I feel His presence when I go to the beach, or when I'm watching a natural disaster happen, but I don't feel His comfort or presence around me daily. I've cried out for Him to hear me and show me He's still there, but all I get is silence. Is it any wonder that I should lose faith? I just wish someone would tell me that I'm not alone in feeling this way.

Permalink Reply by Rose Marie' on August 29, 2008 at 2:55pm

Hi
I don't believe you are alone in your thoughts.

My best friend is a Christian. She lost her daughter in a car accident when she was 6 years old. It was the first time my friend had let her daughter go in the car with somebody else. We often talk about faith and how she has coped. (I'm not a Christian) Hopefully her answers will help you a little Yokasta. She was really angry at God for a long time and even now her beliefs are slightly altered but still there. Even though I don't believe as she does, I truly see goodness and or God working through her everyday. She is one of the kindest, strongest, giving souls I have ever met. I personally know I wouldn't want my life to be without her. I think you are a similar person Yokasta. Many people here relate to you and your kindness. Could it not be that you are exactly where you need to be with your life but just aren't quite seeing it that way at the moment. I know it is unfair but bad things do happen to truly good people but good people carry on doing the wonderful things that make them who they are.

Just my thoughts.

Rosy

Permalink Reply by kastababy on September 9, 2008 at 7:25pm

Thanks for pointing that out. I read that book about Mother Teresa, and although the rest of the world was shocked, I really wasn't when I learned that. It just showed me that she was human, just as the rest of us are, and like everyone else she had her mountaintops and valleys. I write this trying to reflect on what I could possibly do differently, what other sacrifices can I make just to reconcile my faith and my anger and all the other spectrum of emotions I go through on a daily basis. I try to encourage when I don't feel like encouraging, help when I don't want to help, love when I probably shouldn't love, and assist where assistance isn't wanted. My mother prays for me to find peace, but peace is such a relative term that I doubt I'll ever find it, at least not in the way she wants it. Are there any meditations that anyone would suggest?

Permalink Reply by Mike on September 26, 2008 at 1:32pm

Hi Guys.
How has Alopecia affected my faith?
Personally, I don't think it has had any affect on my faith. I remember reading in the book of Job about all of the suffering that Job went through. Nothing happened to Job that God did not allow. Satan had to get permission first before touching him. I find the response of Job (after shaving his head, lol) something to be admired. Job said, "Naked I came from my mothers womb, and naked I shall return there. The Lord gives, and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."
I guess losing my hair gives me a real appreciation for the hair God did give me; and for whatever reason unknown to me, He has allowed my hair to fall out.

Yokasta, you are definitely not alone. The Psalmist writes in Psalm 22, words very similar to what you write. "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me? Why are You so far from helping Me, And from the words of My groaning? O My God, I cry in the daytime, but You do not hear; And in the night season, and am not silent."
Know this: That the very hairs on your head are all numbered (Matthew 10:30). He knows all things and sees all things, and nothing can happen to you without His knowledge. His love for you will never fail!

God Bless
Mike.

Permalink Reply by Jude on October 2, 2008 at 4:42pm

I've been through a difficult time over the last few years and also all my hair fell out. I feel that it has helped my faith in that I feel I have been stripped of much of what I felt defined me. This has made me concentrate much more on who I really am and finding my value in the love and grace of God. I couldn't do that when I was distracted by other things. Having said that I want my hair to grow back!!

Permalink Reply by kastababy on October 19, 2008 at 7:53am

My wonderful boyfriend Todd and I were having this discussion last night, actually. I had mentioned before that I wanted to speak to my mother's pastor about some issues that I was having, and Todd wanted to know more about it. So I told him about how I had been feeling lately. He could see that the topic was distressing me somewhat, but then he shared his own experience with being away at war, and how being overseas had really bothered him more than he ever let on. He actually pointed out that from his perspective, I haven't lost my faith so much as had it shaken very badly -- and that he recognized it because he too had to go through the process of rebuilding his faith after having it shaken. Having someone who loves me so much tell of his own spiritual vulnerabilities and be willing to do anything to help me overcome mine says a lot about him and his faith -- and renews my hope that one day, I can bring myself closer to God than I have been.

Since Todd has come back into my life, I find myself more peaceful than I have been in a long time -- part of that definitely comes from being with someone I love so much -- but part of that too is having dispelled the fear I have been carrying with me for so long that a man couldn't love me because of my AA. I find myself not only blessed but divinely favored, because God has sent to me a spiritual man who only wants to love me for me -- and wants to help me be closer to God not only as an individual but together as a couple. I think that very slowly, my faith is being restored. What do you think?

Permalink Reply by Leon Johnson on October 13, 2008 at 10:27pm

How has having alopecia affected my life?

Hmm..well it's been a learning esperience. I've been to the altar countless times asking for God to heal my scalp. God is good because everytime I wanted to be angry or bitter about this skin condition I'd see someone going through something more rough. Being human is not easy because we all want to be accepted and rejecting yourself is first one will feel. I'm stronger because of it.

Permalink Reply by Dee on October 13, 2008 at 11:19pm

It has made me a better person and less judgemental of others physical imperfections. I focus more on what's inside vs what's outside. I am so much more empathetic!! I must say I initially wondered if it happened to me because I used say anything/talk about people for a laugh, certainly not to be mean. I surely don't do that anymore.
Perhaps a tough lesson to be learned???!!!!

Permalink Reply by Amber on October 21, 2008 at 7:00pm

if i'm gonna be honest i struggle with this. I get so angry for having alopecia. Everytime a child points out that i don't have any eyebrows or eyelashes or somebody makes some comment about how they are jealous because i don't have to shave or waste money on shampoo i boil with anger. I'm constantly in the prayer closet. One time this couple tried to give me a large sum of money because they thought I had cancer and they said the Lord told them to give me money to help with treatments. i just stared at them like they were from another planet. I was so hurt by that. i envy the women who are proud to be bald but i'm not one of them. i hate it and all the emotions that come with it.

i don't understand why God hasn't taken Alopecia away from me. I have lived a Godly life and have believed with all my might that God would take this away from me. It's been 15 years and I pray the same prayer everyday. I have been ridiculed by children, rejected by men, been the topic of many conversations at work. Inexperienced doctors would treat me like a guinea pig and do all sorts of tests and inject medicine all in my face and scalp which hurt like crap! Most doctors look at me blankly when i tell them what i have but it's always the same.. "let's check your thyroid, let's run blood tests, have you tried this latest medicine? well it could be this"

i'm so tired of it. Does anybody else feel like God has let them down because you're not healed? that's just what i'm dealing it. well back to the actual question. how has alopecia effected my spiritual life.. well. it's definitely kept me in a constant state of prayer.

Permalink Reply by kastababy on October 23, 2008 at 10:46am

I'm not going to say that I haven't been angry about my alopecia, because I have been very angry for a very long time about having alopecia. However, I have had to learn to let go of my anger not only for myself, but for others. If I am angry all the time, then it makes for a hostile environment all the way around. My boyfriend is sensitive and intuitive enough to pick up on my slightest changes in mood, and I have to reassure him that if I am angry, I am not necessarily angry with him. Like you, I have prayed the same prayer for years, but I have yet to just say outright that God has forsaken me or abandoned me.

A coworker told me just yesterday, Christ wasn't lonely during his 40 days in the desert; however, it was only when He was alone on the Cross that he asked God why He had forsaken Him. I do believe deep within that God has neither abandoned nor forsaken me; He in His infinite wisdom just has other plans for me. Like you said, AA is definitely something that keeps me in a constant state of prayer.

Permalink Reply by Carol on November 18, 2008 at 4:36am

Having alopecia universalis for 47 years has made a tolerant and compassionate person, less judgemental and accepting of others. I've had a difficult time growing up as child as i get to be teased everyday but when I started to meditate on God's goodness and His word, I realized that I am loved. There were many times my faith in God was questioned by many people but some of them do not really understand what I'm really going through. Last month, I finally found the courage to share my sturggles with fellow graduates in the university where I study. I asked them if they want to see my bald head. Well, at first they were a little bit uncomfortable but I insisted that it's ok for me to do just that. I really felt acceptance from them. This has also started a beautiful friendship with one of the guys in the class. He affirms and encourages me most of the time. I also began to be more expressive with my feelings and in affirming others.

Permalink Reply by Megan on October 23, 2008 at 2:17pm

I know how you feel.
I don't so much wonder why he hasn't taken it away - because I still believe he will,its only been 18 months - but more why he 'let' it happen in the first place?
People say that there is a cause for suffering. I suppose its making me a stronger person,but what good is this going to do for the overall scheme of things? How am I going to use this FOR God? I ask him,but He doesn't show me. So I try and stay positive,but I can't help but feel He's left me on my own with this one.
So yeah,I feel pretty let down by God. I just have to try and trust that things will get better,not neccesarily physically but emotionally and spiritually I think they will for me.

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