Alopecia World
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To wig or not to wig isn't the only question
Cool Head raised an interesting issue in her introductory comment to the Men Who Don't Mind group. It's what I call a chicken-or-egg issue because, at the heart of the matter, is the question of which comes first: Seeing that man is worthy of knowing about her alopecia, or the man knowing about her alopecia in order to see whether he's worthy?
I suspect that many, if not most, people will sympathize and side with Cool Head. Since meeting my fiancée Cheryl, most of the alopecians I have encountered passionately defend the position and practice of covering and concealing one's alopecia until you meet that special person who deserves to know. And, of course, that makes a lot sense. Or, does it?
I share Cheryl's view that to wig or not to wig is a personal choice. However, like nearly all personal choices, it has its pros and cons and, thus, its consequences as well.
Consider, for example, that men who are attracted to women with hair will most likely approach women with hair. That probably means that an alopecic female who wears a nice wig will most likely attract men who like women with hair. I need not point out that, under these circumstances, it would not make any sense for the alopecic woman to be shocked by the high rate of rejection and disappointment she experiences. Her "hair," (probably) among other things, is part of the problem, not the solution.
On the other hand, men who are attracted to bald or alopecic women, or just don’t care one way or the other, will most likely approach bald or alopecic women. It goes without saying that, if a bald or alopecic woman is wearing a wig, there's a good likelihood that she will not be noticed or approached by this kind of man because, with her wig on, she has hidden herself in plain sight. Again, her "hair" is part of the problem, not the solution.
Now, I understand that the majority of women with alopecia wear wigs, not just to get a man, but also to feel good about themselves and/or placate certain folk in this seemingly pro-hair world of ours. Yet, it also seems to me that a wig can serve to distract the very kind of man she hopes to attract.
If you are a woman with "hair," then you should expect to attract men who probably won't appreciate you without it. However, if you want to attract a man who truly doesn't mind your bald or alopecic look, then consider either the openly bald and beautiful or the openly alopecic and adorable alternative.
As Cool Head also suggests, that a man doesn't mind your baldness or alopecia doesn't necessarily mean he's worthy of you. But at least your "hair" won't get in the way, either. First share your alopecia, I say, and at least you won't waste precious time on men who couldn't possibly be worthy of you.
What is your view of the matter? I would love to hear from men and women on both sides of the issue. ;-)
I suspect that many, if not most, people will sympathize and side with Cool Head. Since meeting my fiancée Cheryl, most of the alopecians I have encountered passionately defend the position and practice of covering and concealing one's alopecia until you meet that special person who deserves to know. And, of course, that makes a lot sense. Or, does it?
I share Cheryl's view that to wig or not to wig is a personal choice. However, like nearly all personal choices, it has its pros and cons and, thus, its consequences as well.
Consider, for example, that men who are attracted to women with hair will most likely approach women with hair. That probably means that an alopecic female who wears a nice wig will most likely attract men who like women with hair. I need not point out that, under these circumstances, it would not make any sense for the alopecic woman to be shocked by the high rate of rejection and disappointment she experiences. Her "hair," (probably) among other things, is part of the problem, not the solution.
On the other hand, men who are attracted to bald or alopecic women, or just don’t care one way or the other, will most likely approach bald or alopecic women. It goes without saying that, if a bald or alopecic woman is wearing a wig, there's a good likelihood that she will not be noticed or approached by this kind of man because, with her wig on, she has hidden herself in plain sight. Again, her "hair" is part of the problem, not the solution.
Now, I understand that the majority of women with alopecia wear wigs, not just to get a man, but also to feel good about themselves and/or placate certain folk in this seemingly pro-hair world of ours. Yet, it also seems to me that a wig can serve to distract the very kind of man she hopes to attract.
If you are a woman with "hair," then you should expect to attract men who probably won't appreciate you without it. However, if you want to attract a man who truly doesn't mind your bald or alopecic look, then consider either the openly bald and beautiful or the openly alopecic and adorable alternative.
As Cool Head also suggests, that a man doesn't mind your baldness or alopecia doesn't necessarily mean he's worthy of you. But at least your "hair" won't get in the way, either. First share your alopecia, I say, and at least you won't waste precious time on men who couldn't possibly be worthy of you.
What is your view of the matter? I would love to hear from men and women on both sides of the issue. ;-)
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by rj, Co-founder on
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Mari, thanks for the "very late reply." LOL Perhaps there's just a scarcity of men who don't mind in your vicinity. Good thing is, you're "totally upfront about being bald," which is just as important as not wearing a wig at all. ;-)
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Permalink Reply by Mari on
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Thanks RJ. This time around I decided to not wig to begin with. Now I wear it to work and on "night out" but other than that it is just me :o)
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Permalink Reply by John Ford on
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...I'd say that it's a matter of striking a balance between one's fears and one's gut on a case-by-case basis...
If it just plain doesn't feel right, go with it; if you get a good feeling about someone, roll with that. We poor mortals bein what we are, it's still risky; but loneliness stinks on ice - and there are good people in the world...
spend the $.02 as you see fit,
Mrs. Ford's fav'rit son -
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Permalink Reply by Rob Scoville on
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This is a touchy subject in my book. I truly believe it is up to her to make this decision. I would approach a woman with or without hair because I really don't care, either way. I also suffer from the same situation because I think that women with shorter or no hair are more attractive then women with long hair. To me anyone that covers it up for a long time is only cheating themselves and the person they are dating. This is a tough one!
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Permalink Reply by Sam Sam on
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Came across this topic: I agree. I know that i can never find my true mate if i do not find them while being bald, dating them while being bald . I don't ever want anyone to have to feel the cover i have felt over 9 years. Running to get my wig because his friends are coming over.... or not walking bald around our home because he might think i am ugly. It makes sense to be yourself from the start.
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Permalink Reply by sean franklin on
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It is a very good topic to talk about because there are so many different views but in my opinion it is better if the girl doesn't wear a wig and finds out initialy who appreciates her natural beauty and then finds out which man is worthy for her. Otherwise how will the men who truly appreciate the look find those beautiful women if they wear a wig? I only hope I am a man who deserves one of those beauties.
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Permalink Reply by CBrown on
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Hi Sean,
I have a pretty strong personality, so it takes a strong man to date me. :-) However, I choose to hide my condition until I can figure out the personality of the man I'm just starting to spend time with. Some men will say that they are okay with it as long as they don't have to see it, and one of the most extreme responses was from a man who, when I told him after five dates, backed into a corner and then ran away. It really is a special man who will be willing to rub my head for me and tell me I am beautiful and actually mean it. -
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