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The critical importance of unconditionally loving yourself with (or without) alopecia
Hi to all you beautiful people; newly diagnosed with alopecia.
This is a post I submitted elsewhere on Alopecia World earlier today, for your benefit. Please read on:
First and foremost, as someone who was born with Universalis 46 years ago (plus a few days), I can't stress enough the critical importance of complete self-love with respect to our alopecia; and I don't mean just self-acceptance, but unconditional complete self-love. It is one of our greatest responsibilities; there is no room for "buts", "shoulds" of any other negative words or thoughts in our individual and collective consciousness.
It may be difficult to love yourself as a new alopecian or 'veteran' alopecian. In my case, I had a very difficult and traumatic childhood characterised by daily bullying from grade 2 through to the end of high school (and beyond) because of my appearance; the cumulative and very corrosive effect of this torment during those formative years was fatally low self-esteem, self-hatred, depression and a fairly profound social anxiety disorder. My healing and realization of my inherent potential is the end result of a great deal of therapy of various types, support from friends and family later in life, and an iron will fueled in no small part by my profound anger (unearthed through therapy) at having been treated the way that I was during the first half of my life.
The moral of my story?
Unconditional self-love is of paramount importance; I had none for myself when I was younger; I didn't know that I was worthy of it. However, I learned a few years ago that I am most certainly worthy. I also learned that it was my responsibility to reinforce this love daily; minute to minute; second to second.
Many of you perhaps realize this intuitively; for any others reading this; please
remember; you need to realize that you are wonderful, and to love yourself always; no exceptions! The price of not doing so is unnecessary pain and suffering, and a betrayal of self.
Wishing you contentment always,
George (Blackwood)
This is a post I submitted elsewhere on Alopecia World earlier today, for your benefit. Please read on:
First and foremost, as someone who was born with Universalis 46 years ago (plus a few days), I can't stress enough the critical importance of complete self-love with respect to our alopecia; and I don't mean just self-acceptance, but unconditional complete self-love. It is one of our greatest responsibilities; there is no room for "buts", "shoulds" of any other negative words or thoughts in our individual and collective consciousness.
It may be difficult to love yourself as a new alopecian or 'veteran' alopecian. In my case, I had a very difficult and traumatic childhood characterised by daily bullying from grade 2 through to the end of high school (and beyond) because of my appearance; the cumulative and very corrosive effect of this torment during those formative years was fatally low self-esteem, self-hatred, depression and a fairly profound social anxiety disorder. My healing and realization of my inherent potential is the end result of a great deal of therapy of various types, support from friends and family later in life, and an iron will fueled in no small part by my profound anger (unearthed through therapy) at having been treated the way that I was during the first half of my life.
The moral of my story?
Unconditional self-love is of paramount importance; I had none for myself when I was younger; I didn't know that I was worthy of it. However, I learned a few years ago that I am most certainly worthy. I also learned that it was my responsibility to reinforce this love daily; minute to minute; second to second.
Many of you perhaps realize this intuitively; for any others reading this; please
remember; you need to realize that you are wonderful, and to love yourself always; no exceptions! The price of not doing so is unnecessary pain and suffering, and a betrayal of self.
Wishing you contentment always,
George (Blackwood)
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Barbara Kircher on
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I've had alopecia for over 2 years now. I even went to a local wig salon (www.chicagowigsalon.com) and got fitted with a cranial prosthesis which looked great. I ultimately went through hypnotherapy for anxiety and, shortly after starting, I started to see my hair grow back. My hypnotherapist helped me realize that my divorce hit me much harder than I thought and was a trigger for my hair loss. I saw the divorce as my fault. The wig helped ease my concerns about her looks and the hypnotherapy helped expose the root cause.
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Permalink Reply by George Blackwood on
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I'm 100% confident that the divorce wasn't your "fault". However, it would be entirely normal to be hit very hard by it; its a big change and often a major loss in one's life, that has to be grieved when your ready to do so.
Good luck with everything and remember to love yourself unconditionally; not always easy to do, as we generally haven't been taught to do so growing up.
Happy trails,
George -
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Permalink Reply by Mandy on
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Here here! Beautifully put, George. I am so grateful for finding this website because I know it is the reason I was able to so quickly accept this condition and love myself the way I am and move on.
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Hey Mandy
Thanks! We inspire each other, don't we! God Bless Cheryl and her partner for putting the website together.
Nice photo by the way! Glad your lovin' yourself in all your beautiful glory!
George -
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Permalink Reply by kastababy on
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Thanks for this posting George!
While I have lived with AA for 26 years with a fairly high sense of self-esteem, and while I have tried my hardest to be a cheerleader and a source of positive reinforcement for alopecians and their parents here in AW, this posting reminds me that I need to take some of that love and support and use it on myself. Thanks again for the reminder. -
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Permalink Reply by Cheryl, Co-founder on
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Hey George, great post. I agree with you that we need self-love as well as to stop depending totally on others for our self-worth and self-acceptance. Once we start looking at others for these things then it is no longer "self".
The below Psalm spoke to me alot while I was struggling to cope with my alopecia.
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
Psalm 139: 13-16 -
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Hi Tom; I hear your heartfelt concern.
Although I'm not a parent, I hear that it's the hardest job of all! Worry seems to be a standard part of the territory.
Two thoughts about your (perhaps excessive) concern:
1. It will help your daughter if you can manage your own worry; this can be very difficult; a very effective strategy is to remind yourself that she will be fine through all of this; and to reassure YOURSELF that you don't need to worry. In order to succeed at this, you have to 'check in' with yourself frequently, and 'coach' yourself not to worry; so (1) be aware that you're worrying, and (2) 'intervene' in your thoughts and tell yourself (coach yourself) to stop worrying, that she'll be ok. Then you'll feel better as you get better at reassuring yourself.
2. It sounds like she is doing well in school, has supportive friends, is active and obviously has a very caring father. She also sounds very capable and strong. Those are all the ingredients she needs to do well during this challenging period of her life.
Be kind to yourself. She'll be fine!
God Bless you,
George -
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