Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Heather & Miss Scarlett on February 2, 2010 at 6:39am

I am considering this, as is my husband, if Scarlett loses all her hair. My husband shaved his head a couple years ago for fun, and my older daughter was just beside herself with embarassment. She got over it, but she was thrilled when he decided to grow it back.

One thing I have learned here is that it is totally impossible to please every child every time. If I said we were having ice cream for breakfast, someone would have a problem with it.

Talk to your older daughter and tell her that hair has nothing to do with beauty. Tell her how much it would mean for her little sister to have another bald member in the family. If your older daughter was the only person she knew with hair, how would she feel to stick out and be teased and stared at? One other thing I've learned from my bickering kids is that they are incredibly loyal, protective, and compassionate where their siblings are concerned (when not fighting LOL). I bet your girls are the same.

Peace and Blessings,
Heather

Permalink Reply by Lisa S on February 2, 2010 at 2:20pm

Thanks, Heather! You are right about not pleasing everyone. My three kids often want three completely contradictory outcomes from any situation. Fun. ;-)

I'm concerned about what growing my hair back would do to her.

I'd love to hear more thoughts about this.

Permalink Reply by Dominique Cleopatra on February 2, 2010 at 2:48pm

I think your heart is in the right place, but that it's pretty unnecessary--and kind of ridiculous-- for you to feel you need to shave your head because your daughter has alopecia. I mean if one of your family members--God Forbid-- lost a limb, as is the case with my family--what then? If anyone shaved their head in "solidarity" with me I would feel ten times worse for "causing" someone to--by choice--sacrifice their beautiful hair.

If this is really what you want to do, then obviously it's your body, your choice. But just make sure it won't end up causing you to--in the long run-- resent your daughter,or cause problems in your work and marriage that could have otherwise been avoided. Your daughter needs to realize that the world is a diverse place and expecting uniformity and for the world to "revolve around her" is setting her up for unrealistic aspirations and certain failure in adulthood.

And if hair is "not such an important thing" then why bother with such a drastic measure. It may in the end send all the wrong signals for all the right reasons. You also might want to talk to your older daughter about not saying that you wouldn't be beautiful without hair, your alopecian daughter is sure to infer that means she is no longer beautiful. I'm sure if she realized that she wouldn't want to hurt her little sister's feelings. You shaving your head may cause the older sister to act out in ways against the little one that she never would have done otherwise. Any other thoughts?

Permalink Reply by Cindy on February 2, 2010 at 3:48pm

Lisa, have you contacted the Childrens Alopecia project? They may be able to connect you with another family in your area. It may help your daughter to know she is not alone and that there are other kids living with Alopecia. CAP also just started a Pen Pal program. I am assisting Betsy with it and we can get Gianna a pen pal her age to write to. I actually have a 5 yr old that would like one.

While it is a nice gesture to shave your head for your daughter I would think of other ways that you can help her to accept herself and teach others to accept her. There are organizations like CAP and NAAF who can assist you with material to help educate some kids. CAP also has a library program. They will donate books to your child's school. I highly recommend reading The Girl With No Hair to you daughter/class. It will help explain what Alopecia is and what is happening.

My daughter was 5 when she was diagnosed and by age 6 she was completely bald. We have always accepted her and she accepts herself. We keep her surrounded by positive people and engaged in activities she enjoys to boost her confidence and self-esteem. Find ways to keep her focused on being self accepting and positive. Give her the knowledge to be able to help educate others as time goes by. Be there to support, love and encourage her and she will find her way in time.

Cindy

Permalink Reply by Ellie on February 3, 2010 at 5:53pm

I have been thinking the same thing. My daughter is 5. She has had AA since she was 2.5 years old. She was the only one at her school with no hair until a little boy joined the school in January withh AA. Right now I am growing my hair out and trying to find a place that will incorporate my hair into a wig for my daughter. Then I am thinking about shaving my head. I have not talked to my hubby or kids about this but maybe by summer.

Permalink Reply by Michelle Isbel on February 8, 2010 at 9:00am

My daughter is 8 (Ashly) & she ahd asked me:" Mommy why can't I go to shcool where all the kids have alopecia?" I dont know what to say when my sweet little girl is tired of wearing her hair in a ponytail to cover the bald spots. I would gladly shave my head to show her hair is a vnaity not a neccessity! I say go for it.......... Michelle Isbel