Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Krissie on January 31, 2011 at 6:03pm

Thanks Babydoll!!!

Permalink Reply by Solange on January 31, 2011 at 1:45am

Well, e-Harmony has left a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth because I did try them (and paid for a membership) and had exactly zero matches in my 30 day trial. I mentioned that to them and they suggested I wait just a couple of months and then offered me some more free time. After filling out the questionnaire for the second time, I didn't even get the opportunity to put my profile on their site before I got the message that they had no matches. I am fairly normal except I don't have any hair. I have tried other sites and also had no luck so I'm starting to learn that men on dating sites are quite shallow and simply cannot open their minds to the possibility of someone who looks "different"

Permalink Reply by Larry Barbee on January 31, 2011 at 3:03am

Hi Krissie,,
I've never used an online dating service before but I have met women in chat rooms that became friends and that I've dated. Even if nothing romantic came from it, virtually all ended up as friends both online and off.
I have a similer problem to your's, yet I can't or don't know how to do the very advice I'm about to give you. I have to find a way to tell a woman I'm attracted to that I have a host of health problems, one of which is that I suffer from clinical depression caused by both genetics and trauma from my childhood. There is still a lot of prejudice, misunderstanding and fear out there that people have against sufferers that are "mentally ill."
My suggestion is this: Include in your profile something about alopecia. It doesn't have to be something huge like, "I have alopecia areata" but something more low key such as under activities you mention "attending alopecia conferences" or "I like helping people with alopecia." What's so good about this approach is that it gives you control on how and when you share with others about alopecia. Some may look it up to find out what alopecia is, and it may make a guy decide to not contact you. He's a jerk all you'll never know about him.
It's important to remember that your profile should be a representation of who you are - all of who you are. Alopecia is a part of you so it should be included, but you are also (for an example) a warm, friendly young woman with a sense of humor, romantic and attractive. I enjoy dancing, etc.... This is what you want all people (not just guys) to see: The Krissie that's great to be around and desirable to men. By including your alopecia in your profile guys will ask about it first which saves you from all that worry and stress. If some guy rejects you because you've lost your hair, would it hurt more at the start, or would it hurt more after your third date with him?
I guess I ought to take the advice I just gave you and go include "nuts" in my profile.
God bless,
Larry

Permalink Reply by Julie G on January 31, 2011 at 8:11am

Krissie,
I haven't had any luck really on eharmony before. I met my ex on there, but that didn't really pan out. I hear ya about being scared of meeting someone and having to tell them about your hair. I am seriously thinking about listing it on my profile on the website that I am on, so that if someone does message me, then I know he already knows about it. Just not sure if I want to do that though. OkCupid or Plentyoffish.com are both free sites. I don't think that I will ever pay again for a dating website, I haven't ever really gotten anywhere with them and I have tried several. Good luck!!

Permalink Reply by Deirdre on January 31, 2011 at 9:40am

I do Match.com...
I have had some luck sort of. I don't have anything in my profile about having Alopecia, but I do tell the guys within 2-3 dates. I have been on Match for over a year. I have gone out on a bunch of first dates that were fun but never went anywhere so they had no clue about my alopecia. 2 guys I dated from match for about 2 months each- they both knew within the first 3 dates and continued to date me (although neither ever saw me without my wig, but they knew it was a wig). Both guys broke up with me and kind of broke my heart (nothing too bad, I mean I went through a horrible divorce so a breakup from a two month relationship seems so much easier now by comparison!)...but I don't think (although I guess I cant be sure) that it had anything to do with my alopecia. One went back to his ex girlfriend and the other one wasn't ready for a relationship and was just way too busy with his job. Maybe they also didn't like my alopecia, but I don't know that for sure or not. Anyway, this past weekend I went on 2 first dates with new guys from Match and both were really great and I am hoping for a 2nd date. If and when I go out with either again and get to the point of telling them about my hair, I will update you and let you know how it goes. Just know you aren't in this alone! It is HARD to be single and dating, regardless. Adding Alopecia into the mix just makes it even harder....but it is what it is and we just have to be strong and deal with it. Good luck and keep us all updated on your progress! :))

Permalink Reply by Krissie on January 31, 2011 at 6:09pm

Please be sure to let us know how it goes...I will do the same. I have guys checking out my profile; they tell you when they do, but no communication yet....of course I only joined last night so who knows. I don't know if I want to tell them on my site. i still have the old mentality of keeping it my secret until I know for sure someone cares about me.

Permalink Reply by Auntie Sheila on January 31, 2011 at 1:38pm

I'm on eHarmony. I joined over Christmas break and am currently texting/emailing a sailor :) We're planning a phone call this week. I haven't told him yet, because I want to know he likes me before I do. He's a couple years younger than me, and he may decide he doesn't want to date me because I've been through a lot. Divorce, kid, miscarriages, etc. (Although I hope not!!! I'll tell him soon if we keep talking.)
I'm like Larry, I have a host of problems, Celiacs, Arthritis, and now Alopecia...I talked to another guy that was older, widowed, and had a couple of kids, and was upfront with him, and he was very supportive! He asked questions about my eyebrows and commented how lucky that I don't have to shave! (He found someone else to persue, but told me so I wasn't still wondering, and wished me luck on my hair.) I think each guy you meet will be in a different place in their life. You will have to decide when you want to tell them. The idea to put it in your profile is a good one, but honestly, you may not contact many anyway.

Permalink Reply by Krissie on January 31, 2011 at 6:11pm

Let me know how things go with the sailor!!! I stated above that Alopecia will be a topic of conversation when I feel he cares enough. Maybe he won't care enough to stay, but at least he will care enough to be kind...don't think I could take rejection AND cruelty! lol

Permalink Reply by RobynCS on February 7, 2011 at 9:32am

Krissie- I am in the same predictament. Have been on EHarmony and do not really like the format. Get bored with the 'Guided Communication' etc. The site is not that spontaneous. I recommend Plentyoffish. A neighbor suggested it 3 wks ago, I threw my profile together (which incl golf for me), posted a pic of me in a nice beanie over my wig, sunglasses & a tight fitting low zipped ski jacket (sporty shot while snowshoeing). It's crazy but I ended up w a ton of responses! All of a sudden I'm mysterious, fun & 'cool' looking. lol.

However, now what do I do? Went on (2) awesome dates with someone older, had soooo much fun and almost forgot about my whole darn baldness issue. Ugh.

Everyone knows what the 3rd date means...It could be a big turning point. Now I'm thinking I'll wait until the end of a great 3rd date to tell him. And it's right before Valentine's Day!

I do have a good feeling about this person. The morale of the story is....keep putting yourself out there. I did just order a Freedom Wig and I think that is giving me the confidence to get involved w someone. When that wig arrives in (4) months, I can be athletic, swim, have softer more secure fitting hair.

Keep you posted. What are your thoughts?
Robyn

Permalink Reply by Krissie on March 22, 2011 at 1:34pm

Hey guys!! sorry it has been so long for a reply but I have been sooo busy! So anyway...I have tried match.com and am still a E-harmony member...Eharmony is slow and I have had more luck with match.com. A friend recommended pleny of fish like RobynCS did and I was thinking of trying that too. I have met this one really nice guy, but I feel it is more a friendship thing..im sure he would like more but that "thing" is just not there for me! Kinda crazy that I should feel that way but I don't ever want anyone to make us feel as though we can't persue what we want because of our condition...so many people act as though we need to 'take what we can get'..that just upsets me. I have noticed that so many men or VERY shallow! They really like their girls to be physically fit...they even put that statement on the profile! Now, im not out of shape (in a health sense) but I still pass on guys who make a 'shopping list' out of women. But i have come to realize that it will all be ok, just as long as we are ok with ourselves. Hopefully, we don't have to wait TOO long for someone mature and kind enough to really allow themselves to care about us. They need to know that it is ok too. It is just the fear that we have to overcome...so to all those who have responded to this post in the past...let me know how your searches have been going..I would love to hear about the type of men and women you all have come across!

Permalink Reply by Julie G on March 22, 2011 at 1:39pm

I actually joined match.com last week and am talking to one guy on there. We talked on the phone last night for the first time and we are doing coffee on Saturday. I told him about my wig, because I would rather tell him now before I get invested and get rejected because he is too scared or whatever makes men reject us cuz of our hair.
So we will see how this one goes..will keep you all posted.

Permalink Reply by Krissie on March 22, 2011 at 1:50pm

What did he say when you mentioned the wig?!

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