Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Carmen Dayhoff on January 25, 2012 at 6:11am

Blair, I'm sorry that you are going through this. Personally I think that your biggest issue in all of this is low self esteem, high self consciousness. I think, from the small amount I see of you in your pic, that you are an attractive fella. But I wonder if you don't feel the same about yourself. I have had alopecia universalis for 31 years now. And I have felt very self conscious in the dating arena. I have had some really bad days, yet some wonderful days too. In my personal opinion I think that you should use this time to focus more on yourself and what makes you attractive to you. Hopefully you are bettering yourself through college, that's a great place to start, study hard; go to the gym and work out; work on a hobby; and on your personality. Ask yourself: "Who am I, with or without hair?" Build on that. When it all comes down to the nitty gritty of it CONFIDENCE is the most attractive attribute of a man. Accentuation your positive! If the spots are killing your esteem SHAVE THE HEAD. From what I can see of you, you'd be pretty sexy without hair. And every man is sexy when they can hold their head up high.

I would say, don't worry about the girls for awhile and about your sex drive... it'll come! Sometimes sex is an emotional thing. Take care of YOU for awhile and then you will be ready to please someone else.

Permalink Reply by Blair on February 2, 2012 at 1:07am

I couldn't agree with you more. You get this idea in your head, young people just don't go bald or what have I done. I need to accept that I should shave my head. I don't want too but if I have to I will. Thanks for the compliment :)

Permalink Reply by Bald and Fabulous AKA Terri on January 25, 2012 at 6:52am

It is very interesting that as a man you share so many of the concerns with alopecia, as do women. I can only share with what I have experienced on the women side of the coin. That there is indeed those people out there that dont care what is going on, on top of your head. They can see the beauty within, to sound cliche. Or just notice the person you are. I use to think so very much of a similar path. How am I ever going to find a man that will love me. When there is all these lovely women on tv with flowing locks of shiny hair. Flipping it back and forth, fluttering eyelashes that I no longer have. I did find someone. And we met when I was still hiding under hats and scarfs. Not willing to share any part of me. He was there every time when I would go for my injections, and spend the time to cheer me up afterwards. He might have not known what if felt like to be in my shoes, walking my path. But he was beside me the entire time. He even was there when I finally had enough of the hiding and I decided to shave that last of it off. And I have talked and read many more times over from other women here and elsewhere that experience that same relationship. Its out there and if it can happen for the women side of the coin it most certainly can for the man side.
many hugs and continue striving in a positive way
XO
Terri

Permalink Reply by Blair on February 2, 2012 at 12:58am

I feel like women are beautiful bald and if they're not they can put on a wig. The only option a man has is a hat or shaving it all off. As a young person you get caught up in a lot of what you don't have. I realize this and at times it becomes too much. However, its good to hear that there are people out there who is willing to understand. Men build up a machismo, I am the complete oppositie. I'm not overly emotion but I do reflect on how things make me feel just as a human being. And as a human being change is hard to get used too, especially the undesirable. I guess its just gonna take a lot of patience

Permalink Reply by Blair on February 2, 2012 at 1:05am

How often do you go and date? If you don't mind me asking and do you have a lot of luck?

Permalink Reply by Sheila Pinder on January 25, 2012 at 2:35pm

Hi Blair,

I have had Alopecia for over a decade and did not feel free until I started shaving my head. I do not wear wigs at all, no scarfs, and hats only in the rain. It was like a massive pressure release. I know that when I meet someone, I am me and I don't have to even think about telling anyone.

Actually, a confession. I find bald men very attractive and always have. I once stopped seeing a guy because of his insecurities and low self esteem due to his hair loss. He wore a hat all the time and it was a total turn off to me. As someone mentioned, shave your head and build up your self esteem. It works wonders and I can say that from experience!

I wish you the best!

Permalink Reply by Blair on February 2, 2012 at 1:04am

I commend you so much, especially as an african american women because in our community I think we have a complex with hair. I'm still very much a victim of this complex. I used to sport waves not very long ago and that was my thing. I brushed all day, grease, wave cap...In the mirror. I got off to hearing "oh you have such pretty hair" or "can I cut some of that off and take it with me." Now I feel like now that thats gone I can't handle it.

Permalink Reply by Ellie V on February 8, 2012 at 5:24pm

Sounds like you're having a really difficult time Blair. I would say give dating a miss until you start feeling more comfortable with yourself. Also, I don't know what the treatments are like where you live but as far as I know they are very rarely successful and even if it does stimulate your hair to grow back it may well fall out again. Probably not what you want to hear but I find realism much more productive that optimism.

I'm 25, my hair fell out when I was 22 and I have in general met some horrible excuses for human beings who are shallow and pathetic. However there are really good and kind people out there. My closest friends crack hair jokes at me frequently, although never if I'm feeling sad, and are very supportive. I work in mental health and as far as I know my colleagues don't look at me any different. There are advantages to having alopecia - you get to know who in your life is worth the effort and whos a waste of space. Having alopecia doesn't make you unattractive or dysfunctional. It makes you somebody who takes 10 minutes to get dressed in the morning and looks a little different, most people are born hairless for their first few weeks of life and are beautiful then so I dont believe this changes. There are beautiful people whith alopecia and unattractive people with it, as there are both beautiful and unattractive people with hair. Unfortunately its other people who make us feel self conscious and ugly at times.

Luckily websites like this exist where we can talk about how we feel. I think things will get easier for you Blair, as you stop putting so much pressure on yourself and are able to accept yourself for who you are.

xx

Permalink Reply by holyhairlossbatman!! on March 26, 2012 at 4:24am

Def. not asexual but LONELY. I have to tell you this: I am divorced and my ex had pattern baldness. He was very, very ashamed of it. Finally he shaved his head and it truly was very attractive. His eyes looked so much bigger and then there was nothing at all up top to draw attention to his scalp. All shaved, all gone- no issue. I mean, that is my personal opinion. He continued to have self esteem issues but really his gorgeous eyes stood out and every once in a while he would wear a bandanna and that looked really good. I became disabled a long time ago when I had an accident. It nearly killed me and I am left disabled and disfigured from it. During my recovery I realized something very, very important: I am more than the sum of my parts. Think about it just for a sec. We are. We are more than just an arm, a brain or a head of hair. We are not just all these things added together but somehow something MORE. And YOU are much more than that one part that you lost. YOU are far more than just your hair. :0) Hang in there and I hope things are better for you soon.