Drama Drama

I posted this on another group as well, but I thought I would get the single people response as well:

Hey all,
wonder if any of you have had to deal with this.
I am just starting to grow my hair back, which is good news, it's patchy and uneven but whatever, right?
Anyway, I usually wear a wig, and I have a friend who is constantly trying to get me to go to the beach with her. When I go on vacation with my folks it isn't a big deal I will ditch the wig and wear a headwrap, but I really don't feel comfortable doing this around my friend and her husband. I am not entirely sure why. It just makes my stomach queasy. When my hair started falling out all over when i started dental school, all she wanted to do was talk about it and tell me it wasn't that bad, and that things could be worse. Then she would tell me about her friend whose mother died or something.
THEN, I will never forget this, she called me up to cry about a BAD HAIRCUT, and how she didn't go to work because it looked to bad and she was crying on the phone to me about it. I couldn't believe it. Here I was going BALD, un certain, stressed out, depressed about it, and that is the phone call I get.
This was last year, so I kind of feel like I should be over it, but I guess I am not. And now she wants to go to the beach, and I don't really feel like her asking me a bunch of questions about it when I don't feel like she has any respect for what this condition can do to people. Plus, she loves to talk about other people's drama and I really don't feel like being the one she talks about. She is one of my closest friends, don't get me wrong, I just haven't quite learned how to deal with her and this issue.
I really DO want to go to the beach, but the thought of trying to deal with the hair thing out there with her is un-nerving. Anyone have any ideas? Or any similar experiences? How did you deal with it?
Thanks!

Views: 24

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on August 13, 2010 at 9:04am
She hasn't grown up enough yet to be able to stay truer to her friends' confidences than her own need for drama. Maybe that's HER way of getting attention when her own life doesn't measure up for her. Be sympathetic in your head, but be quiet and do NOT continue the conversation about (a) anyone else she talks about other than her or a non-people topic, and (b) do NOT reveal anything about yourself anymore. She will just pass it on to others, because she has no filters yet.

If she is just trying to brag at the beach about her own hair, or "catch" you in a compromised position (cover-up worn, wind, inability to go in water, possible exposure), then she is really NOT a TRUE friend. Take some others along who YOU respect or who will teach her by example how to stay mum on the events of others...or maybe you can just make plans with others and realize that this "friendship" may have been outgrown even by last year.

Send her to the site www.naaf.org. Tell her to read it and then get back to you. If she STILL is a drama queen rather than a friend who says, "Wow. How are you feeling?" then you know this isn't the friend for you at this time.
Permalink Reply by Cynthia Lee Watkins on August 19, 2010 at 8:51pm
I'm disturbed by the fact that this "friend" of yours seems to be quite narcissistic and have no empathy....
Permalink Reply by Artemis88 on August 20, 2010 at 1:55am
Well I have moved her out of my inner circle for now. Until I decide what to do. She isn't speaking to me anyway. I guess she is mad at me for telling her she doesn't know what she is talking about.
But she doesn't. Anyway, I am not seeking out any stress right now, I just got my stuff together, and am feeling really good about myself, and she was a real buzzkill when we last spoke. I like to keep my buzz thankyouverymuch!
Empathy is a problem for her. But is that anything you can teach? And if you point that out to someone, are they really going to listen?
Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on August 20, 2010 at 9:51pm
"Empathy is 90% of an emotional message...and is usually shown non-verbally" [says the definition I found]. "People who can do this tend to be more popular, better adjusted emotionally, more outgoing and more sensitive...and have better relations with the opposite sex."

Maybe it can be taught by family example, but one has to develop it her/himself. One key is to listen more than talk, and do more than just nod in return.

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