jfsawyer
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  • Leeds
  • United Kingdom
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Relationship Status:
Engaged
About Me:
My fiancee has found out she has female pattern alopecia about 1 year ago. Her hair is shedding quickly. She seems to be coping well but I fear for the medium/long term consequences. i would like some support to guide me through the next steps.
Do you have alopecia?
I do not have alopecia
Are you age 18 or older?
Yes - I am 18 or older

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At 6:22pm on November 2, 2011, Susan Innes said…
Hi jf- Of course, all of us would have different responses to this situation but it's logical to me that anyone would have fears of still loving someone the same way. If we can't love ourselves with the different appearance, it's a lot to ask of someone else. Also we are all going to have unique responses; sometimes we fall in love with people because of their gorgeous head of hair. But, there are different types of love and the lasting one isn't affected by changing appearances. I know this must be a very frightening period of mixed emotions but I hope you will give this some time. It was easier for me to feel comfortable with bald boys/men because my 2 uncles had this same disease and I loved them dearly. When mine fell out, it happened that my husband was suffering from male pattern baldness so he certainly could empathize. Peace to you both.
At 10:53pm on October 31, 2011, Cheryl, Co-founder said…
Hi, I wanted to welcome you to Alopecia World. I can honestly say that we are a great community here and I hope you enjoy the time you spend with us and we look forward to your input. Be sure to check out "10 tips for getting the most out of Alopecia World” which include a few tips to get you started!
Cheryl, co-founder
At 2:01pm on October 31, 2011, Susan Innes said…
Hi again- Sorry about the earlier message which shouldn't have included "hair may all fall out" since the diagnosis is "female pattern baldness". I've known people with this disease who are now bald but only because they shave their heads. It's hard to imagine but sometimes this is a relief from the daily routine of trying to cover bald spots or worry about the spread of the balding areas. Like most of these hair-loss diseases, they're unpredictable which makes the process very difficult to tolerate. Anyway, this is a good site for you to find some answers:). Susan
At 1:48pm on October 31, 2011, Susan Innes said…
Hi jfsawyer- Try being a good listener, letting her tears fall on your shoulder. This may become very tiring because we tend to become obsessive about our hair...but, this is a very painful period for her. The hair may all fall out, leaving her bald, OR, the hair may continue to shed but then come back. She may find herself desperately seeking a cure. If all the hair is lost, your fiancee will need to become a new person which will take time. If you just continue to support her, reminding her that you love her...no matter what the outcome, it will help but she may vent anger periodically at you. Basically, no matter what you say at that point may only make the situation worse. Perhaps joining a support group will help both of you. At the NAAF conference every year (in Washington DC this year), there is a special support group session for "couples" as the hair loss can be a difficult time for the relationship. It's hard to love someone else when we don't love ourselves...and hair loss can cause this in even the strongest people. (If the hair loss is permanent, a vacuum wig may be the answer for her; today's hair pieces are easy to wear and, honestly, very few people can detect them.) Thank you for your special attention to her situation!!!! Many hugs and future happiness to both of you...Susan
 
 
 

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