i feel really alone, isolated & left out.

my almost 5 year relationship hurts me because I am always to hurt.

its so hard to let someone love you when you don't love yourself. 

i don't know what hurts more.

losing someone you love because of this

or 

loving someone who let you lose yourself.

I've been seeing a psychiatrist for the past few weeks because I felt like I just had too. My anxiety picked up sometime last month, it became a physical thing to me & it's not always about my alopecia (so I think). Lately I've been getting anxious in my dreams, hearing my troubled thoughts as I sleep so when I wake up I'm still anxious and being anxious is all I could think about.

I understand its an internal thing, my subconsious, my stresses and worries, dreams of suicide,…

I had a spiritual awakening.

I notice my soul more than my appearance.

I am bald and I am beautiful.

So happy that this is the year, I'm so glad it has come. After 8 years, finally, I've been able to look in the mirror and not feel disgust. I am still bald, but I am still living and kickin. I'm not gonna let it bring me down anymore, 8 years is too long to be hating myself. 

I've grown to love who I am on the inside, not the outside.

I am different and I…

I always try to imagine the person I'd be if my hair hadn't fallen out. I know that this changed me. For good or for bad? I don't know.. I have no idea how I would have been if I never lost it.. and still I don't have much of an idea of who I am living with it for 7 years. I wish I knew.

Been going through a lot of emotions lately, with myself and the others around me. Comin' up on 7 years in the fall. Man, I hate saying that. Just so tired of saying that, tired of myself and the efforts I feel like I must put forth just to feel pretty, natural and comfortable with myself around other people. I've been so tired of my hair, my locks of love wig piece. I've seriously had the same hair style for my entire high school career. Feeling so deprived and degraded a bit. I just don't…