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SELF DOUBT
Everytime I have to get my hair redone Im reminded of the BALD woman that I am. It's not totally, well always a totally bad experience but I still dread it. Lately everytime I look in the mirror I find a flaw, my face is to fat,too many blemishes, or I can't wear this style (that would look great on me) cause my semi secret will show. I went to get my hair put in again and I tried a darker color under my "usual" light and it only fits me a little. I appreciate the girl that did it for me but she experiments with new styles alot more than me but she is awesome. I think my face is too fat for me to get to bold with it even though i can be bold. I don't know if all this self doubt comes only from my hair lack of or is it something else. I know when the weather changes from sunny to rainy I think more about my baldness. There is a guy that Im very much attracted to who always wants me to send him a picture text of myself but Im so into my self doubt I come up with every excuse under the sun not to send one, I think it might run him off soon. I haven't unfolded the big secret yet but I will on our next date. Im just feeling like nobody will love me with my baldness at this moment even though Ive had several men that truly loved me even though. I overheard A so called friend say a mean thing, she said that I would be pretty if I were natural! HATER (thats what she is or it might have something to do with the man she liked that asked me to go to dinner but NEVER) I always wonder what my associates say about my baldness when I leave the room guess I'll never know. I just know my crown and glory will never be for me. Its hard to go to work, sit in front of people, stand in front of a crowd of new people, date, and sometimes go outside to see some of the people Ive known for years. Will it every change for me? Or will I continue to have these spurts of self doubt moments throughout the rest of my BALD life?
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Comment by Cheryl, Co-founder on September 9, 2008 at 11:04am
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Bogie, I like that "it only takes a moment to believe".
I guess I want to say is that our bodies even if they are perfect, will only stay that way for a moment. We will age, we will probably gain weight, lose mobility... it is part of the process. I am not saying that we should ignore our outer appearance and appearance does not matter. By all means we should be looking after ourselves.
As far as natural goes, who is natural? Do any of these people, use highlights, hair dye, extensions, pluck their eyebrows, laser hair removal, wear makeup, nail polish, contacts lenses,
Use tanning salons, shave their legs or underarms, apply deodorant, tooth paste, have had braces, whiten their teeth, wear a push up bra... I don’t think any of us really know what natural is.
But I can tell you this, our outside appearance can never begin to express ALL that we are inside. I can look at someone and that look will never be able to tell me what or who somebody is. Our bodies just house the amazing complexity of what is inside of each of us. Just looking at somebody, can never tell you what they love, hate, fear, the things they want to do, the thing they have done, the love they have for others, the pain they have experienced, the lessons they have learned, the things they have to share with me or the world.
Tonya, that is what we need to shine through. Show your love, your compassion, your desires, your kindness, your free spirit. I truly believe that is what makes a man or a woman of true character attractive to another. That part of you is unchanging regardless of the physical appearance changes that may be going on. You can move perfume from one bottle to another, but it doesn’t change the scent. You have not changed Tonya.
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