How to handle the "cancer" assumptions and other thoughts about being bald . . . .

I'm the type of alopecian that likes to wear wigs in the winter and put them away in the summer. Now that the weather is getting nicer, the wigs are getting worn less often (though many of my girlfriends have wanted to borrow some - the joy of different hairstyles).

It seems like every year I struggle with the "reentry" back into bald beauty. Being a bald woman, many people assume that I am going through cancer treatment - I have a standard line about alopecia when this happens. Most of the time people will say they have heard about it or just go about their business. I realize that people will say something out a sense of wanting to connect, yet some times it can be rude.

How do others deal with questions with out people totally getting in your business?

Views: 22

Comment by Kaitlyn on April 21, 2008 at 10:52am
I usually say something like, "Actually, I'm very fortunate that I don't have cancer, I have a disease and hairloss is the only physical effect,"
I just try to let people know that I am learning to be okay with it and that I am grateful it isn't something bigger or life-threatening, and that I don't need or want their sympathy.
I like when people ask though because it's an opportunity to raise awareness and at least then they aren't talking about it behind your back.
Comment by Cheryl, Co-founder on April 21, 2008 at 11:26am
I agree with Kaitlyn, I usually say "Actually I have alopecia, which is an overactive immune system that attacks my hair follicles, other than that I am perfectly healthy"

I also think it is a great opportunity to raise awareness and let people know that there are other reason besides cancer that a person can lose their hair. The conversations are usually pleasant and actually uplifting.
Comment by Ellen on April 21, 2008 at 11:48am
Thank you both! I love the word "Actually" to begin the conversation - it just starts with a friendly response. Possibly I like it because one of my favorite sappy movies is "Love Actually", hum. I agree too, it is a great way to spread the word about women who face all sorts of baldness.

Thank you for the responses and outlooks.
Comment by kastababy on April 22, 2008 at 11:04am
For me, it depends on my mood. While I generally am a laid-back, easy-going person more than willing to share with others about alopecia, some days I am pretty retaliatory due to just being sick and tired of being sick and tired of having to explain the situation. On those days, I just tell people that no, I don't have cancer, and no, I don't like having hair on my head too much, and no, it's not any of their business why I'm bald in the first place. If it's too much to bear, then I ask them why they wear weave or braids or anything else fake in their hair when they have hair themselves. It's usually pretty effective in stopping those kinds of questions.
Comment by Trina on April 22, 2008 at 1:49pm
Unlike most of you I get the questions of why do i always wear weave and I laugh and say because I am bald. I then tell them about alopecia or somedays like Yokasta I feel it is none of their business. I mean people wear wigs and stuff all the time. I mean I have a cousin who wears weave all year round and no one asks her nothing.
Comment by spaganya on April 22, 2008 at 10:02pm
Oddly enough, last year i actually DID have cancer (yay cancer free now for 4 months!!!) but didnt have to go thru chemo (it was treated with several surgeries) and it was weird because if i did have a scarf on or something people would come up to me and ask "oh what kind of cancer do you have?" and i would have to do a double explanation - that yes i have cancer, but thats not why im bald. LOL
Comment by Carmella on April 23, 2008 at 7:06pm
My response always depends on if I know the person. If I do I'll explain it to them no problem. If I don't I like to play with it... sometimes I'll say "Yes, testicular cancer is SO PAINFUL (being that I'm a woman) and others I don't even respond, but promptly request a pack of cigarrettes from the cashier.
Comment by Char on April 24, 2008 at 9:42am
I try to be polite about it and tell them "no I don't have cancer I have alopecia" and if they don't know what it is I than explain it and tell them, "Thank you for asking instead of assuming" and coming to their own conclussions. Because I would rather they tell their friends I have alopecia than to tell them I'm ill with cancer. I worked with a couple of people who did that and they were shocked by how quick and effecient I was. They thought I was going through chemo and should be tired and worn out. I told them that if they would have just asked me I would have told them. That's how gossip and rumors get started. If you are going to go gossip about me, go gossip the truth :) However I only had this happen about 2 times, most of the time my co workers are really awesome and supportive.
Comment by CSue on August 10, 2008 at 12:52am
My hair loss is only on the top of my head, so I just wear hats all the time (so far). Most of my coworkers haven't seen me without a hat (at least not this past year). Occassionally I will run into one of them in the ladies locker-room in our company gym when I'm changing hats (literally) between work & working out. Anyway, the looks of horror say it all. My page mentions some of the rude comments & questions I've faced. It sounds like you are coping with it well. I'm planning to wear wigs in the winter; however, it's so windy here, that I'm not sure if I should bother.

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