It burns... it hurts... it makes you want to rip your heart out.

I hate it when it ends the way it does.
I love it when is lasts the way it does.

Why does love hurt so much? I would have done anything for them, can't they see that?
Can't they understand?!

Can't they understand I no longer want to play games, right as I'm about to tell them this, they have already moved on. They have already thrown me out like an old paper bag. Done. Finished. Defeated. Worn out. Garbage.

Oh please listen to me, look at me, see me for who I really am! I am here, I am here for you! Yet, you don't want me. You don't care about me. Damn it I hate being young. For I wish to be married and in deep, life long lasting love, where I could wake up everyday before work and look at your face and still embrace every breath and moment of it!

Maybe this is what I deserve after what I put you through, I put you through hell and back and back again. I treated you with no respect. I treated you as if you we're going to be there forever. How dumb of me....dumb.
I truly thought you were going to be on my side forever, at my every beck and call. Why did I do that to you? Why was I to late to tell you that I love you. Why did I think those words would patch up our f'ed up relationship. Why did I embarrass myself and even tell you those words. "I love you" passed around like the last piece of gum in the pack.

Love is a disease. Whether it swallows your heart whole without a breath or when it eats away at your heart through out the years. I feel as though it will destroy you no matter what. Yet, fine stay single then what.... haha yea then what? Live your life alone? Who wants to live alone for the rest of their lives?

My feelings are spilling out, I can no longer control them.

But what I'm really thinking to be all honest with you is,
F it.
Protein diet here I come. Start to do the vegetarian diet. Become the work out addict you used to be. Work yourself to death even more. Concentrate on school more. Study more. Forget about them. Forget about everyone, go on.

My heart will repair won't it? It only took me 5 or 6 years to repair the last time I was hurt to the core. I shouldn't say they hurt me that bad. The time it took me 5 to 6 years to get over the other person was because it was the first time I had ever fallen in love. I was about 16 to 17 years old.

Ugh, I hate treading water like this.

But the things they don't say or do say it still hurts all the same. Whether you ask them or if they come out with the truth of it all, it still hurts.

Screw 'em all.

~Suzie

p.s. I hate love.

I think i'll just stay single and avoid the pain, it's easier.