When I was 14 I found my first spot on the back of my head. I didnt know what it was and of course freaked out. My mom, knowing what it was (her half brother had Alopecia) took me to the dematologist and I was diagnost with Alopecia Areata. My hair kept on falling out, it progressed into AT. We tried ALL the treatments which resulted in alot of irritated inflamed skin (hurt like hell) and oh yes the 2nd degree burn on my head. It was a bunch of hoping and waiting and in the end being disapointed with no regrowth. The last treatment my doc wanted to try on me was the Immuno Suppressive Drug which they would of had to watch over my kidneys cause it could effect them in a bad way, and I told my doctor NO i was done with everything after 3 years I couldnt do it anymore plus i would never try a treatment that might harm me when Alopecia you are healthy. After that with I shaved my head. Cried for about 4 hrs in the mirror. I can remember that day like it was yesterday. The only peron I would let see my head was my moms best friend Linda and that because she had once lost all her hair due to kemo. I was depressed and uncomfortable around people (they stare). Shit I was even uncomfortable around my own mom and dad. I started wearing hats and scarves I couldnt even look at myself in the mirror. After a while I was able to walk around my own house infront of family and friends.

Let me tell you how mean people can be. While going through this all in school I was talked about to my face and wispered about. There were rumors like I had cancer or some disease that if you touched me you would get it. All of the above. I tried to be srtong and not let anyone bring me down. But a girl only has so much in her. I went from a happy peppy loveable girl to a depressed hated everything and everyone. (I remember one of my middle school teachers being over at the highschool ask me what happened to me, you used to be such a delight and now you become so sad) I would go to school and stay in the bathrooms or call my mom from the nurses just to go home before 1st period. (some may think i was over reacting, its just hair right? sooo wrong its like your not normal anymore, your an outcast, you dont know what you have done to deserve this, its like something was taken from you and your always wondering why, what did i do.. you lose who you are your self confidence, your positiveness, self respect, you become so depressed its like nothing else matters) I think the reason for me being so closed and uncomfortable about this is how I was treated and then after a while I just thought everyone was horrible and stopped letting people in I guess I was just affraid of what people thought. (Ive been like this ever since) You know I think that I care more than others do. I just made myself believe that I was different and that no one would understand what I was going through.

After shaving my head we went wig shopping Ive had them all and the stories to go with them and there are some bad stories. But I finally was saved by the Peggy Knight Solutions Units. They are a silocone base vacuum wig. You can wear it anywhere even swim or skydive. Wearing that made me more self confident (though still pretty fucked up about it) I felt more normal. I didnt get stared at anymore no more weird looks, infact I actually got approched by more with people complementing my hair and how beautiful it was. It was like I had a life again! Now 10 years later I started letting my hair grow back to see if I can, I actually have tons of hair (would never of known been shaving my head for 7 years now) but still wear something over my head. so i am doing my best to keep it growing to see if it one day could get long enough to cover the some of the spots. Im crossing my fingers. But i still in the back of my head will never get my hopes up because I dont think I have the strength to go through that whole experience again (if my hair grew back then decided to fall out all over again)

I wanted to share this with you because after 10 years and still not being over this I decide I wanted to try and just accept what God has put forth. SO I think talking about it will help do that. God doesnt give you anything you cant handle and I now believe that with recently becoming a MOMMY. I am just a person just a little different than others: I wear wigs, hats, bandanas, scarves, all of the above. I am just ME! I am a good person. I have a lot more important things in life now like my daughter to worry about, my alopecia just seems less important in a way. Its time to worry about me and my family and our future.

I hope you now know me a little better now...

I went for so long not talking about this. Now I am ready to.