Alopecia World
Where acceptance is all there is!
Right to Know...
Why do people think they have the right to know what happened to your hair? I mean, I understand family members and close friends, but not people you see while walking down the street or shopping or going to a movie. Why do people think they can come right up and demand "what happened to your hair"? Concern is one thing, nosey is another. It's like they stare, then they walk right up and ask, when you give them a flippant answer they are hurt. They never think about how embarassing it may be for some, to be asked in a crowd what is wrong with their hair. It ticks me off that people think they have a right to know your personal business. It's like if I see a person without a limb and I ask them what happened to them without them offering to tell me, it is just plain rude. That's my vent for today, I don't vent often, but today while I was shopping, minding my own business, lol, two women followed me through the store from rack to rack. After awhile I just stopped shopping and sat in the shoe department to give them a chance to catch up and get a good look at my beautiful Bald Head. They did, then one asked, "do you have cancer", "no" I replied, she then said, "what's wrong with your hair"? Trying not to be as rude as she was, I answered, "nothing's WRONG with my hair, I don't have hair, so what could possibly be wrong with it", I smiled and left the shoe area as the two stared open-mouthed. I then got on the elevator, and low and behold, yet another person who thought they had the right to know, "do you have cancer" she asked, I smiled and answered, "why do you have a cure", she turned beet red and got off at the next floor. What do you think, do strangers have a right to know?
Comment
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Comment by Linda on August 17, 2008 at 1:23am
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Ha ha ha ha, that was great, praying for a maintenance free hair style, you go girl! I have to agree, no one asks men what happened to their hair, my son shaved his head bald for his fraternity and no one even took a second look. Now that both of us are bald, he says some people say, "awwww it was nice of you to shave your head when your Momma started chemo," he says he just gives them a look that says "back up". I shaved my head a month and a half ago and I'm sick of folks already. lol, I feel like you, I'm not the poster child for AA or Bald Women, I'm just trying to live my life!
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Comment by kastababy on August 16, 2008 at 8:25pm
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I'm sorry, but I'm in the "it's none of your damn business" camp when it comes to the general public's right to know about my hair or lack thereof. When my hair fell out as a child, I never once agreed to become the worldwide ambassador for AA anywhere at any time. And please note that regardless of whether or not they have AA, AT, AU, or any other subtype of alopecia, men NEVER get asked these questions! It is just assumed that someone in their family has the bald gene and their hair falls out on its own, and even if they did have cancer and were going thru chemo, nobody ever asks them that to their face! This only happens to women, and I am sick and tired of it!!!
Nowadays, if someone asks me if I have cancer, I ask them, "Did your mama ever teach you not to ask rude questions?" If they push the issue, I then ask them "Why? Do you think it's contagious?" More often than not, though, I just ignore the person asking the question, because it really is none of their business. I wouldn't dream of asking an amputee if they lost their limb because of gangrene or diabetes or a war injury, so why should anyone else ask me if I have cancer or why I'm bald?
My best shut-down ever: "No I don't have cancer -- I prayed day and night to be blessed with a maintenace-free hair style, and this is what I got!!!"
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Yeah Bogie, I like that one too, gonna use a lot of them this weekend when I go shopping for red, orange and gold shoes...I love shoes! Angela you're right about the gaze and the smile, that's my signature, usually works too, unless of course the folks are just determined to be rude, hence the "quick wit" lol. I guess we all need to be accepted, but I'm so well received by my family that outside acceptance doesn't mean that much to me. I've accepted myself a long time ago so now I'm good. My Momma taught me to accept people for who they are not what they look like so I find beauty in most folks and those that I don't...they must have really ugly vibes!
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LOL @ "you mean hair don't", I love it!
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You're right Char, being followed through the store while I'm shopping is not my idea of tact. As they followed I could hear them talking about who was going to ask me, I was like, they are really pushing it here, lol.
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Comment by Carmella on August 14, 2008 at 2:45pm
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Do you have a cure?!!! I seriously cracked up outloud, not the lol the real deal. I feel you on that. I often get the "that hair do looks great on you" and I need to respond "you mean the hair don't?" Vent away girl! We all have our days.
XOXOXOX
CAr
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Comment by Char on August 14, 2008 at 12:25pm
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I actually had an encounter with one of my "residents" who had no hair as well. I wear a bandanna to work and when I walked into the room of this new resident, she too was wearing a bandanna. She asked me where I shopped for my bandannas at. I preceded to tell her and then I told her about alopecia. She just thought I had cancer like her and had never heard of alopecia. It was a very nice conversation and I think she felt more comfortable with me. I get stared at a lot, sometimes I vent by calling my mom on my cell and talking to her loud enough so others can hear. I basically state how I find it funny that people give my such pity looks when I'm as healthy as the best of them. That pretty much makes them stop staring and makes my shopping trip a little better with out the confrontation. I'm all about educating people about alopecia, but there are some days when you are just not in the mood to explain yourself for being you. You are not alone, we all go through it and someday these people may have to too. Sadly, alopecia can hit anyone at any age.
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Wow...thanks for all of the support, I was really having a bad day, you all have brightened it up immensely! Tony, you may borrow that line, lol! I love "the fact I don't have hair, doesn't mean that I'm deaf", lol. Just good to know that I was not alone in thinking that it is rude to approach a bald person in an inappropriate setting. Thanks all, I love you!
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Comment by Tony on August 14, 2008 at 5:47am
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Linda, sorry to hear about your encounter. Some folks can be outright rude. I think we've all been there a time or two. I've been asked many times about my lack of hair and / or the obvious spots. Most of the time I try to use the opportunity to educate. It doesn't always work as you can sometimes see the person's eyes glaze over. Too bad...if you didn't want to know then you shouldn't have asked. Then again, there are those times when a quick witted, wise crack is appropriate...btw, I gagged on my coffee when I read "why, do you have a cure?". Mind if I 'borrow' that line?
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Comment by Sharon on August 14, 2008 at 2:25am
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Hi there this got me thinking to a time when Nicole had not long had alopecia and we were at the movies and saw a lady who had no hair but was wearing a scarf I so wanted to go up to her and ask her if she had alopecia but didn't incase she didn't and had cancer =( that would of been awful. But it would of been so nice back then to have known someone else who had AA that we could have talked too..............I couldn't be so rude but since Nicole has had Alopecia I have certainly become more aware of those around me who don't have hair. I am so sorry that you had to endure those rude ladies, they probably would of felt so awful if they had found out. I luv the idea about getting students to go google it great idea!!!
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