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A change in perspective, for a few days
Hi all,
I haven't been on AW or online much lately. I need to get into the habit of checking in at least once a week or so; it seems such a waste of a good resource and lovely people to NOT do so.
I was recently called back in to the radiologist's office because of a suspicious mammogram (TMI? Sorry.) After more imaging, an ultrasound, and finally a biopsy, I rec'd the good news that I don't have cancer. My first thought was "losing my hair wouldn't be so bad; I can handle that." It allowed me the tiniest glimpse into what it *might* be like to live with cancer, and my admiration for the strength of people dealing with it has grown tremendously.
I'm very grateful to have received good news, and for several days I noticed the blue sky and sunshine, watched my dogs romping around the house and getting into trouble with joy, and found I noticed and appreciated everyday things much more than usual.
Now, just one week later, I'm again veering into obsession about my thinning noggin. How can I be so grateful, yet once again find myself sinking into the quicksand of hair loss obsession? "OMG, I can see my scalp, it's so much worse, what am I going to do?!" I find this catastrophic thinking (especially after a cancer scare) re: hair loss very odd, curious, and a bit shame-inducing. Maybe it's just being human? Or, maybe I'm just a freak.
I'm going to strive to appreciate life as it is now, and be grateful for what I do, and do not have. If anyone has any tips on how to be consistent with this, please don't hesitate to comment! I'm truly puzzled by my own thought patterns. Life is weird and wonderful.
'Wishing everyone an exceptional weekend.
I haven't been on AW or online much lately. I need to get into the habit of checking in at least once a week or so; it seems such a waste of a good resource and lovely people to NOT do so.
I was recently called back in to the radiologist's office because of a suspicious mammogram (TMI? Sorry.) After more imaging, an ultrasound, and finally a biopsy, I rec'd the good news that I don't have cancer. My first thought was "losing my hair wouldn't be so bad; I can handle that." It allowed me the tiniest glimpse into what it *might* be like to live with cancer, and my admiration for the strength of people dealing with it has grown tremendously.
I'm very grateful to have received good news, and for several days I noticed the blue sky and sunshine, watched my dogs romping around the house and getting into trouble with joy, and found I noticed and appreciated everyday things much more than usual.
Now, just one week later, I'm again veering into obsession about my thinning noggin. How can I be so grateful, yet once again find myself sinking into the quicksand of hair loss obsession? "OMG, I can see my scalp, it's so much worse, what am I going to do?!" I find this catastrophic thinking (especially after a cancer scare) re: hair loss very odd, curious, and a bit shame-inducing. Maybe it's just being human? Or, maybe I'm just a freak.
I'm going to strive to appreciate life as it is now, and be grateful for what I do, and do not have. If anyone has any tips on how to be consistent with this, please don't hesitate to comment! I'm truly puzzled by my own thought patterns. Life is weird and wonderful.
'Wishing everyone an exceptional weekend.
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Comment by Tallgirl on September 10, 2010 at 4:09pm
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We are female. Hormonal. Menopausal. The moods will swing, no matter how intelligent or logical we are otherwise. Go see Menopause: The Musical or buy the soundtrack if you need proof and laughs!
I just picked up my mail to learn a dear friend's son died of a drug overdose. He was the same age as my own son, who is also in trouble. Today, I feel perfect and whole in comparison...but sad. Spiritual or uplifting music and people are in order for the rest of my day...also, giving to others by leading an alopecia support group for a leader who suddenly moved. When in doubt about self and social life, give to others.
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Comment by Lori on September 10, 2010 at 4:17pm
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You're so right! Those are true words of wisdom, thanks. I feel like I lucked out twice in the past year re: a possible cancer dx, and now have an urge to volunteer in some way relating to that. So, we'll see what i come up with.
I'm so very sorry to hear about your friend's son, that's horrible. This is a stupid question, but will your son be able to talk to someone about his friend's death? I'm not a parent, and cannot imagine how difficult it must be.
BTW, I never heard of Menopause: The Musical. The title alone is hilarious; I'll definitely check it out. Thanks for taking the time to comment, and I wish you and your son the best.
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My son didn't know the guy who died: different part of the country. My son has his own trouble, anyway.
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Oh, I'm sorry I misunderstood. Again, I wish you both the best.
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Comment by Gail on September 10, 2010 at 4:48pm
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I have been where you are. I too had a "suspicious" mammogram a few years ago and went through hell waiting for the second scan and opinion. Plus last year, I had some severe stomach issues that I was convinced was cancer. All I could think about was just wanting to be around long enough to see my daughter graduate college. Turns out, it was *only* a bleeding duodenal ulcer, which is now healed and completely fine. Things like this make us look at our lives in a completely different way, but we do slide back to our old 'woe is me' tendencies fairly easily.
You are a lovely person - beautiful inside and out - and we all identify with your current struggle. Come here often....it truly does help.
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