A New Chapter to our Lives

As you may know, my daughter has AA and she has had it for most of her life. She deals with it very well and has had many boyfriends come and go. She has just turned 16 and dropped a bomb on her father and I; she is pregnant. I was extremely upset at first and then angry, but now I have come to except the fact that our lives are going to take a major turn. She understands that she must continue her education, because without it in todays day and age, you cannot et a good job. She also understands that this is her responsibily not mine, even though I will be there to help. For the life of me I still cannot understand why these young girls feel the need to create lives when they have not even enjoyed their own, they just are not old enough nor are they responsible enough to do this alone and then it is left to the grandparents to pick up the pieces. The father of her baby, of course, does not feel responsible for his part in this situation. He too, is still in high school, and has made it clear that he wants no part of this. So Crystal must go through all of this with the support of her family.....little does the father know what an angry woman I am and he will contribute to this little ones life.
The doctors say that there is a good chance that a lot of her hair back during her pregnancy but then it may all fall out after delivery. she did take that news hard. I just want to hold her and tell her everything will be ok.

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Comment by Pam Fitros on April 3, 2009 at 10:36am
That's exactly the right thing to do Heather...hold her and tell her everything will work out. My husband and I went through that with our son and his girlfriend. They had promised they were on birth control, but even that doesn't always work. They lived with us the duration of the pregnancy and for a year after the baby was born. The baby's mom comes from a background of major problems and dysfunction and her parents are not reliable. My husband and I have been the primary support for the three of them. My son was 21 and she was 17. Still emotionally babies themselves.

The thing is, Heather, it does work out somehow. And one day there is a new life that changes everything, at fault for nothing, and totally dependent on those around her or him for everything. And your heart melts. And all the things you said along the way to be a good role model and keep the boundaries don't go down the drain, but they do get flexible based on baby's needs.

And then...well, after awhile you can't imagine your life with out that little person in it and you find yourself doing every possible thing you can to support without enabling. At least, that's how it went for us. They are still together, still learning how to communicate with each other and how to be grown ups and parents. Without strong emotional and financial support they would have folded. But now they are getting their feet under them and things are going better.

None of that helps you, given the boy is not and doesn't want to be in picture emotionally. I think you're right to make sure he supports the child, however. As my husband says...you play...you pay.

I truly believe, Heather, that Poppa God doesn't bring anybody into our lives that isn't supposed to be there. As hard as all of this is, when the anger burns down there will be room for you to see the blessings. Some days you'll have to look real hard, though. My thoughts and prayers are with you, and should you need a safe place to vent, I'm here.
Comment by Tenille Gee on April 3, 2009 at 11:26pm
Good for you for sticking by her and being willing to be her support. A lot of parents don't do that, they made a mistake and I am sure that she has already realized it, however, she and the baby are going to need all the support they can get and good for you for being there to give it to her.. Also, good on ya for being a tough chick and making him pay. Totally agree with what Pam said, You play, you pay! However, I would add one more comment, I wouldn't force him to have a part in the baby's life, sometimes, it isn't even worth the financial support if he is insisting on being a part of the babies life if he is going to do more emotional good than the financial is worth then make sure that those thoughts are considered. I know far too many people who have had their lives ruined because of the emotional damage that parents can sometimes inflict if they are truly not interested in being parents and don't at some point turn those thoughts around... Hopefully he will and like the other comments said, it all seems to somehow work itself out.

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