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A positive side to alopecia
So admittedly, there is very little good about having Alopecia and whatever happens, any positives that come out of it do not, in my eyes, outweigh the terrible burden of having no hair. However, I realised one of those positives today and feel the need to share it.
In fact the drama began yesterday, in the freezing cold, wet town of Queenstown, New Zealand. I’m here for a few days after nearly a year away from home. The morning had gone well, after a disappointing beginning whereby my day tour had been cancelled. I instead signed up to do a bungy jump and spent the morning being rather nervous and then strangely elated after hurling myself southwards off of a bridge over a gushing river. The jump itself was hideously terrifying but I felt pleased once it was all over. Anyway, I’m digressing.
The jump was over and I got the bus back into Queenstown, the rain was that sort of constant drizzle and it was so cold outside that my feet hurt in my shoes. I wasn’t sure what to do so I began wondering around the town and looking in the shops. There I was, minding my own business, looking at some clothes that looked delightfully warm when he approached me and out of nowhere began complimenting my smile and chatting as though we were old friends. I talked back, it’s what I do, I’m a friendly person, I don’t like to be rude so we talked about our travels and the dismal weather and our cancelled trips and the he asked me to come for a drink, I panicked and said yes.
A while later and I’m sitting in a bar being talked at by a man whose age is difficult to predict and whose life seems rather too dull. He’s talking about web pages, I’m dreaming up an escape. Just when I’ve announced my need to leave and imaginary evening plans I make yet another schoolboy error. I take out my phone. He’s seen it, I can’t pretend it’s not there and there we are, me thinking of a way to not give him my number and him pestering me for it. He wins. Again. Alas, I leave the country in 2 days, no harm done.
3 missed calls and 5 texts later and I’m beginning to think “big harm done” I have a whole day left in Queenstown, I want to go out tomorrow, do some exploring and I have yet to get a Fergburger, which involves queuing for a while in broad daylight on the main street of Queenstown he’ll see me. I turn my phone off and sleep and when I wake up in the morning it hits me. The greatest plan I could ever dream up, there’s a wig in my bag. I shall spend the day in disguise. I shall get a Fergburger. The wigs on, long dark hair flowing from beneath a hat which yesterday was empty, I draw on my eyebrows a little differently and smile in the mirror, my room mate walks in and almost falls over his snow boots in shock and I instantly know the plan’s worked.
The suns shining outside, I climb a mountain, ride a gondola and eat a Fergburger, in wonderful, uninterrupted peace!
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Comment by Mary on July 12, 2013 at 9:05am
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Well written! You are adorable :) wigs....they have come a long way!
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Comment by Kelci on July 12, 2013 at 10:39am
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Haha! This is amazing! Thank you for the early morning read to brighten the day! I need to use this trick!
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Comment by Liz on July 12, 2013 at 1:11pm
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I love your story too! Thanks so much for sharing. You put a smile on my face and made my day.
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Comment by Ella on July 13, 2013 at 4:12am
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I'm glad you enjoyed New Zealand!! I live in Canterbury :). I love your story! I thought it was very funny! But I get what you mean about there being some positives, I love the rush of pulling off my wig or "flashing" strangers. It's very funny. I'm glad you escaped that pesky person! :)
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Comment by Tovah on July 13, 2013 at 4:49pm
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First of al: You are so gorgeous.
2nd of all, you really figured that out well;.
I love the fact that alopecia is not letting you miss out on all the fun that's out there!
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Sue, who asked about wigs. Google wigs and the name of your town. I recommend going to a wig shop if one if close enough for you to get there. My hair all fell out within 3 weeks, the last week we were on vacation. I work full time at a hospital and just couldn't go in bald so I bought a wig before we left for vacation. I have a small head (well-shaped, thank you) and found out that there is a "petite" or small size. I have had patients gushing over how great my haircut/color is. I tell them it's a wig. Everyone at work knows, of course, because my hair grew longer and changed color in one week! At home I wear nothing (just hubby and I) or a scarf if I'm outside. Recently I was in Europe on vacation and my daughter told me in advance that I wasn't to wear the wig in the daytime because it would be too hot and "nobody knows you there anyway." It was a nice feeling not to wear it but I definitely don't have the courage or desire to go out into the world with nothing on my head. That's just me. The people I see at the hospital with scarves or hats are cancer patients. Anyway, I degress, you can order great wigs online but make sure you read the site about measuring your head and knowing your size before you order. I didn't and I got a wig that had bangs down to my chin! Not very flattering. I had a co-worker cut it but it's still alot of hair for me. Because I've told everyone that I wear a wig, I've had fun with it and my three wigs are all different. One tri-colored redish and short, one Michele O'bama darker with bangs, one blondish with bangs. The wigs don't bother me at all at work but I do like the freedom of taking them off when I'm home. Do what's best for you.
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Kate, you are beautiful, inside and out, with or without the wig. You are also a great story teller. Hugs to you
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Comment by Jennah on August 15, 2013 at 6:39pm
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Haha that is awesome! the good thing about having alopecia - being able to disguise yourself lol. I am from New Zealand. Did you enjoy being here. Did you like Fergburger! they are sooo good! whenever I go to Queenstown I get one!
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Comment by Sue on August 15, 2013 at 6:53pm
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Thank you so much Sue Ellen for your encouragement. The wig business is just that - a business and it's a minefield for someone with no knowledge. I have resisted hoping that my hair will grow back but each day there is more and more carnage and whilst i have managed to arrest my anxiety, my grief and feelings of loss are a constant companion. The worse thing is that i am single and whilst i dearly would love love in my life, i resist it because of my fear and insecurity. I feel it is very different when love is already firmly in your hold - just thinking back to one that i've loved and how i wouldn't care what form or shape he found himself in. But when forming partnerships, the physical expectations are very high and a woman without hair is, for a lost of men seeking new love, something hard to see past. Anyway, bless all those who can see beauty in the imperfectness of us all.
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SUE - Yes, I'm glad that I'm married and don't have to do the "relationship" scene. If I were single, I would buy a nice wig that I feel good in (you can get a nice synthetic one for $100) and I wouldn't tell any guy I met that it was a wig. Establish relationship first, then tell. If he's truly a nice person, he should accept it. We have all had burdens in our growing up past - called fat, skinny, made fun of our names, etc. etc. You have to get to know a person, know their past as well as their present to truly have a relationship. Stand proud and be proud of the person you are inside.
I was depressed and lonely even though I am married. I joined a women's group at a church we had begun to attend and us ladies tell all - in private - and nothing is repeated outside our group. It's nice to find a place where you can truly be yourself. Hugs to you.
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