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About to crawl outta my skin!
I am not doing well at all. I woke up an hour ago because of my RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome), my legs twitching and moving. I can't sleep, & I am so exhausted. My nerves have felt like they are crawling all over me! I have been on medications for depression, anxiety, & panic disorder for some 16 years. I can't remember the last time I felt good. Started out a month ago with allergies to a cat, & the anxiety of helping out a young lady that ended up living in my home with her kitten for two weeks (whole 'nother story), then the flu, with fever & aches all over my body, then bronchitis, coughing up a ton of gunk. Just being diagnosed with Alopecia,& feeling really rotten, I couldn't handle the added pressures of having this guest here. Getting her out of my house was very stressful, as was the drama she was causing. Once I began getting better, my anxiety had only gotten worse. That was two weeks ago.
I will say this, that my hair loss absolutely stopped while I was sick. I guess maybe my immune system was 'distracted' into warding off this illness? I had none..not even normal shedding of my hair during this time. Now that I am almost over this illness, my hair has begun falling out again. I am expecting (with all this anxiety & stress) that when it starts, it will be hard & heavy hair loss this time. Even when my hair was not falling out, there was the mindset of "WHEN" it would fall out again. My head has been itching a lot lately too.
This anxiety is interrupting my life! I have had to turn down jobs to do my sub work with the school district because of my health. With two kids in college, I really need to be working, but I just don't feel good. I don't want to go anywhere, nor do anything. I just don't feel up to it. My hubby says that a part-time job, and getting out of the house would do me some good. I have to say, I agree. Just wish I could feel up to it! I know that I could not handle a very stressful job right now!
I had my doctor change my anxiety medication a month ago, because taking it knocks me out, but the new medication has the same side effects, and if I take it, I cannot stay awake.
I don't mean to be a blog-hog. I guess that blogging about my feelings, and documenting my experiences have been my way of coping with all that is going on in my own little alopecia world.
*Restless Leg Syndrome: An irresistible urge to move your legs because of uncomfortable and sometimes painful sensations deep within your legs. Some people describe the sensations as aching, creeping, crawling, or prickling. Symptoms usually begin about 15 minutes after you lie down to sleep or to relax, or when you have not moved for long periods, such as when traveling in a car or airplane. Symptoms that occur frequently can result in significant sleep loss, fatigue, and problems with daytime functioning.
I will say this, that my hair loss absolutely stopped while I was sick. I guess maybe my immune system was 'distracted' into warding off this illness? I had none..not even normal shedding of my hair during this time. Now that I am almost over this illness, my hair has begun falling out again. I am expecting (with all this anxiety & stress) that when it starts, it will be hard & heavy hair loss this time. Even when my hair was not falling out, there was the mindset of "WHEN" it would fall out again. My head has been itching a lot lately too.
This anxiety is interrupting my life! I have had to turn down jobs to do my sub work with the school district because of my health. With two kids in college, I really need to be working, but I just don't feel good. I don't want to go anywhere, nor do anything. I just don't feel up to it. My hubby says that a part-time job, and getting out of the house would do me some good. I have to say, I agree. Just wish I could feel up to it! I know that I could not handle a very stressful job right now!
I had my doctor change my anxiety medication a month ago, because taking it knocks me out, but the new medication has the same side effects, and if I take it, I cannot stay awake.
I don't mean to be a blog-hog. I guess that blogging about my feelings, and documenting my experiences have been my way of coping with all that is going on in my own little alopecia world.
*Restless Leg Syndrome: An irresistible urge to move your legs because of uncomfortable and sometimes painful sensations deep within your legs. Some people describe the sensations as aching, creeping, crawling, or prickling. Symptoms usually begin about 15 minutes after you lie down to sleep or to relax, or when you have not moved for long periods, such as when traveling in a car or airplane. Symptoms that occur frequently can result in significant sleep loss, fatigue, and problems with daytime functioning.
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Comment by Marie on November 15, 2010 at 6:29pm
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Sweetie, I'm so sorry about all the crap that's going on with you! I'll send some good thoughts your way. I can't tell you how or when you'll start feeling better mentally, emotionally, or physically, but I'd urge you to have hope. Keep the faith and hang in there; you are doing a GREAT job. And you don't have to feel like a blog hog. Let it out, and let us all support you with words of sympathy and encourgement. Maybe today you can find a moment to recharge a little: a hot bath, a walk in a pretty park, a mini-respite alone with a cup of tea, a peaceful pause looking through an old photo album... I know from experience that anxiety can create a living hell. Stick with your meds, continue treatment with a professional you trust and respect, ask help from those around you. I'll be thinking of you.
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Comment by Kimberly Duncan on November 15, 2010 at 7:47pm
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Diana, Hello I am sorry you are having a bad day. I am with you there are days I ask my self why am I getting out of bed today. Then when I am brushing hair off myself all day i get tears in my eyes, ok when does it stop...... I am so glad That I have found AW and have met you as a friend so I can give you and anyone else who needs my shoulder to cry on. You know I am here if you need me:)
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Comment by Roslyn on November 15, 2010 at 8:14pm
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Hello Diana I'm sorry you are having such a rough time right now. I suffer with anxiety and depression myself and understand how difficult it is to just "get over" it as people say. I have found that what works for me is to allow myself to feel sad and down for a few days and then just get up and make the best of things. In the past two years i've had more good days than bad but every now and then I still just have one of those days. I have been trying the positive thinking for the last six months and it seems to help me make it through one day at a time. You will get through this you just have to do it in your own time and in your own way. We are always here to listen and share advice. And never think of yourself as a "blog hog" sharing is helpful.
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Comment by Diana Carter on November 15, 2010 at 9:09pm
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Thank you so much ladies. Your encouragement means more to me than I can express! I've had alot of really hard knocks lately, and I guess I am just feeling too tired to face it all. I know that feeling better soon will give me a whole new perspective, but it really helps having you all here for me as well!! Thanks!!
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Comment by Angie P on November 15, 2010 at 11:44pm
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{{{Diana}}} I don't know what to say. It must suck to feel so crummy. But you have to know that it will pass. This day is just one more test that won't get the best of you.
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Comment by Sonia on November 16, 2010 at 9:01am
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Hey Diana, so sorry to hear what u r going thru. Beleive me it hurts me to know that someone out there, is hurting just like me or maybe more. I did the same when I found out. All I do is cry and worry and that is not gonna help. People tell me to hang in there and be strong, but its easier said than done. I m very emotional right now. I wanna have hope and faith that its all gonna be ok, but when I read all these stories, i get upset because most of them had no luck growing their own hair again. So I am thinking of the worse now, im thinking its all gonna come off and have to buy a wig. Pls hang in there. Im sure u will be fine. Maybe u need to cut down on your meds becuase they are making you more depressed. Well we are all here for you. Feel free to email or write whenever u want
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