Hi everyone!
So today I had my scalp biopsy. I went in fearing how badly the procedure would hurt. My mom went in afraid of how much hair they would remove. Frankly, I didn't give a flying fig about that, just as long as I can get an answer as to what type of hair loss I have. (They only took about 5 - 7 hairs from the root, and it didn't hurt at all!)
The doctor who performed my biopsy examined my hair loss and told me right off the bat that I don't have Alopecia Areata or Totalis or Universalis. I must say that I was extremely relieved, because that would bring on a whole new level of grief and acceptance. After grieving for a year over the scalp hair loss alone, I need a break.

I can tell that this whole hair loss thing still hurts my mom, although she's not completely miserable like she used to be, thank God. She told me that she's wished it was her instead of me throughout this entire thing, but she has grown to accept it for what it is. I appreciate how much she cares for me, but I refuse to let her wallow in sadness. She told me that if I'm happy, she's happy. And thankfully, I have been happy lately.

I made a New Year's resolution for 2009 for the first time in ages. I decided that I am going to love myself for who I am. With hair or without hair, I gained confidence in the fact that I am a worthy human being. My mom reminds me of that too all the time. I'm no longer terrified of the future like I was not so long ago. For a long time I felt that if ever my hair was completely gone, my life would be over. As each day passes I'm realizing more and more how silly that sounds. I've heard that positive things happen to positive people. When I think about it, there are so many things in my life that I have to be happy about. I'd be nuts to let my hair hold me back from being happy. I had tried to convince myself of this for months, but it's finally beginning to sink in. I'm believing more and more that if I'm confident with an upbeat spirit then others will follow and be drawn to me. And even more than that, I'll be happier with myself and with my life.

I'll update when the biopsy results come in next week. All the best!
Alexandra

P.S. - Just an interesting side note that I forgot to mention before. My doctor told me that taking corticosteroids can possibly lead to some hair loss. I have been taking corticosteroids in my asthma medication for the past several years. My grandma was also recently put on a corticosteroid medication. Within a week of being on it, she lost a clump of hair in the shower. Once she went off it, the hair loss drastically slowed down. I may completely far off base, but maybe there's a connection here. Hmm...