Alopecia World
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"Coming out"
Hi Friends,
I am writing this morning to announce that I "came out" to two girls from work yesterday. It started with a conversation a week or so ago where one of the girls I teach with said she was going to try to run a half marathon and asked if I would want to do it with her. I am not a runner but it hit a chord because I have been struggling with the idea of going to a gym or working out in a public place since my alopecia progressed.
I fear my eyebrow will wipe away or my wig will become sweaty and a mess, as of right now I only have 1 everyday wig. I do have a "gym wig," an inexpensive piece that I bought just for pulling in a ponytail and wearing a headband with a year ago but I was only wearing it when I could go home before going to the gym. The wig is a little darker than my everyday wig but it's long and it would probably fool most people but I canceled my NYSC membership this year even though there is a NYSC 2 blocks from my new school because I didn't know if I could swing the change in hair.
So, when these girls brought this up I felt a bit defeated. I was saying no for the wrong reasons. Listen, If I don't want to work out, I won't but in this case I kind of wanted to work out but was scared. I discussed coming out about this to them with my boyfriend and he was very supportive but also protective. He wanted me to know I could trust these girls with my personal information. I thought about it and then last night I encouraged them to grab a happy hour drink, it was just that kind of day, and we ended up grabbing a quick bite to eat. The conversations were going well. We were discussing relationships and life experiences. One of the girls came out to me about an ovarian cancer diagnosis just 2 months ago. She went through surgery and crossing fingers and toes is in remission and doing well now. She talked about this guy who she has been friends with for years and how he has been so supportive and it reminded me of my Oody and how supportive he has been for me. Now I am not saying my alopecia is the same as her cancer - but it brought out a lot of similar emotions. In that instant I knew it was the right time to share, and with a little bit of a shaky voice but no tears :) I used my relationship experience as a platform for coming out about my alopecia. When life hits you with unexpected turns, you begin to realize who is worth having in your life and who you should say goodbye to. I saw how Oody rose to the occasion for me, and I could see how this man was rising to the occasion for her.
I was amazed at how well received the news was from me. The girls were surprised and very supportive. In the end, I wasn't using it as an opportunity to vent and be sad, but as an opportunity to inspire someone else which then inspired me.
Now lets not get crazy, I told them I wasn't out about all of this and they know I'm not announcing it over the loud speaker Monday lol but it feels good knowing that they know so on those days when I'm not having a great day, someone knows why without me having to explain.
I also think this was my opportunity to seize the half marathon training dilemma. I wrote them both a message this morning thanking them for the evening and the opportunity. I also told them about my eyebrow concerns and such. Does anyone hear have any tips for keeping your eyebrow makeup on during a workout? I use Smashbox eyebrow wax before applying in the morning, like 6:45 am and it stays on all day, as long as I don't rub it. Sweat is different though. I could use the tips so please share!
I'll keep you posted on what ends up happening :) Thanks for listening!
I am writing this morning to announce that I "came out" to two girls from work yesterday. It started with a conversation a week or so ago where one of the girls I teach with said she was going to try to run a half marathon and asked if I would want to do it with her. I am not a runner but it hit a chord because I have been struggling with the idea of going to a gym or working out in a public place since my alopecia progressed.
I fear my eyebrow will wipe away or my wig will become sweaty and a mess, as of right now I only have 1 everyday wig. I do have a "gym wig," an inexpensive piece that I bought just for pulling in a ponytail and wearing a headband with a year ago but I was only wearing it when I could go home before going to the gym. The wig is a little darker than my everyday wig but it's long and it would probably fool most people but I canceled my NYSC membership this year even though there is a NYSC 2 blocks from my new school because I didn't know if I could swing the change in hair.
So, when these girls brought this up I felt a bit defeated. I was saying no for the wrong reasons. Listen, If I don't want to work out, I won't but in this case I kind of wanted to work out but was scared. I discussed coming out about this to them with my boyfriend and he was very supportive but also protective. He wanted me to know I could trust these girls with my personal information. I thought about it and then last night I encouraged them to grab a happy hour drink, it was just that kind of day, and we ended up grabbing a quick bite to eat. The conversations were going well. We were discussing relationships and life experiences. One of the girls came out to me about an ovarian cancer diagnosis just 2 months ago. She went through surgery and crossing fingers and toes is in remission and doing well now. She talked about this guy who she has been friends with for years and how he has been so supportive and it reminded me of my Oody and how supportive he has been for me. Now I am not saying my alopecia is the same as her cancer - but it brought out a lot of similar emotions. In that instant I knew it was the right time to share, and with a little bit of a shaky voice but no tears :) I used my relationship experience as a platform for coming out about my alopecia. When life hits you with unexpected turns, you begin to realize who is worth having in your life and who you should say goodbye to. I saw how Oody rose to the occasion for me, and I could see how this man was rising to the occasion for her.
I was amazed at how well received the news was from me. The girls were surprised and very supportive. In the end, I wasn't using it as an opportunity to vent and be sad, but as an opportunity to inspire someone else which then inspired me.
Now lets not get crazy, I told them I wasn't out about all of this and they know I'm not announcing it over the loud speaker Monday lol but it feels good knowing that they know so on those days when I'm not having a great day, someone knows why without me having to explain.
I also think this was my opportunity to seize the half marathon training dilemma. I wrote them both a message this morning thanking them for the evening and the opportunity. I also told them about my eyebrow concerns and such. Does anyone hear have any tips for keeping your eyebrow makeup on during a workout? I use Smashbox eyebrow wax before applying in the morning, like 6:45 am and it stays on all day, as long as I don't rub it. Sweat is different though. I could use the tips so please share!
I'll keep you posted on what ends up happening :) Thanks for listening!
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Comment by Tallgirl on January 29, 2011 at 11:21am
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Eyebrow powder. And don't touch it.
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Comment by Dominique Cleopatra on January 29, 2011 at 3:56pm
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Ever consider getting eyebrow tattoos? Those babies won't budge!
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Comment by Chefpam on January 29, 2011 at 4:44pm
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Aw, that must have felt good to find some "friends" to confide in. I hope you get things worked out and get to do the marathon. I feel like I am in a trance right now and want to do things so bad but wearing a wig with scalp pain is so much of a headache, the itching it so much, my pain from PA is so much...yadda yadda..but I hate missing out. Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me and why I can't break free. I love to hear stories like yours. IDK about the eyebrow thing but I have seen pics of girls who wear long bangs and you can't see their brows anyway...is that an option? Best of luck.
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Comment by Mary on January 29, 2011 at 4:57pm
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Eyebrow tattoos with powder to darken when the tattoos have faded a bit. It just takes me seconds to put on the brow powder because I have the tattoo already there to guide me. Then I put on some clear sealer, and they last unless I get REALLY sweaty.
I discovered soon after shaving off the last of my hair that I can't wear anything on my head when exercising. Here's a blog I wrote about an interesting experience I had at the gym:
http://www.alopeciaworld.net/profiles/blogs/a-nice-experience-at-th...
Good luck, and just take it a day at a time...baby steps.
Mary
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Comment by John R on January 29, 2011 at 5:28pm
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Jocelyn - it's tough telling family, friends, coworkers. Interesting part is that the ones I have told seem to have forgotten. Even though I have had this for almost ten years it doesn't really jump out that much. Maybe they just don't think it is a big deal, although to us it is of course.
Cheers
-John
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Comment by Pat Latina on January 29, 2011 at 7:35pm
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Jocelyn-OMG!! thank you for sharing that incredible story. I'm so happy for you and that God provided you the opportunity to free yourself from the bondage we put ourselves in. Isn't it a sense of freedom when we tell at least one person, then 2, 3, 4 and then we just kinda play it by ear, which is where I am at work. I've told the person that talks about everyone in hope that she spreads the news and I won't have to. I'm, of course, much older than you and maybe that has something to do with "if they ask me I'm telling" stage.
That's where I am these days. Don't get me wrong I still don't go out without my accessory (Wig) but am a little more comfortable than I use to be and I owe it to AW and story and friends like you, Jocelyn. Thank you. And, girl I can't wait until you run that marathon or go back to the gym. BTW -- tattoo was the BEST thing I did cause I got tired of "accidently" wiping them off. Why aren't you going for the tattoo?
((Hugs))
Pat
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Comment by Lee on January 30, 2011 at 12:28am
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its great to come out, right?! 3 yrs ago when this first happened to me, I was the same way. Now, I have pulled my wig off in front of total strangers lol. It gets easier!!
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I kept a diary of the first time I went bald in various places...grocery store, library, gym. Then I stopped making notes about it because it just became the way I am.
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Comment by Jocelyn on January 30, 2011 at 7:36am
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Hey Guys
Thanks for your wonderful comments and support. This was a big step because this is a new school for me. In my old school it all began to happen so I had my friends to lean on and they knew what was happening, not all my colleagues but my friends. It made it eadier to face the work day. Now, I have been wearing wigs so I am comfortable to go out with them and not feel like everyone is staring at me but I only had one friend, the friend who helped me get the job, at this new school. I switched over from classroom teaching to being a speech teacher which makes it much more difficult to bond since you don't have that grade advantage. These were 2 girls who I began to feel that friend connection with which I think also pushed me to tell.
I haven't thought too much about tattoo eyebrows because as of right now it is only my right eyebrow that is leaving me. A make up artist came to a meeting recently and said I would have to shave off the other eyebrow because of texture issues. I don't think I'm quite there yet. My right eyebrow basically consists of a little hair by the bridge of my nose and a tail lol I fill it in with black and brown powder and I'm telling you it stays on ALL day but I haven't worked out in it as of yet so I don't know how dripping sweat will react. I think I may try using a liquid eyeliner as a base (almost like a tattoo) and then see what happens. What I do feel happy about is that now if I train with these girls and it does rub off - OK. I mean I say OK now I don't know how I'll really feel but at least I won't see them gasp out of fear I just did something bad to myself :)
On another note, a friend has now invited me to Yoga classes which I miss so much since I started wearing wigs and such. I think I could run in a wig better than do yoga. Baby steps :)
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Comment by Stephanie on January 30, 2011 at 9:23am
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Jocelyn, How have you been? How long has it been since the function at Mark Garrison? Have you tried the brow powder and sealer that BGDL sells? I swear by it. Even after a hard aerobics class (lots of sweating and flailing about) and massage (smashing my face into the head rest) they have stayed on. FYI, every last eyebrow came out and they are almost all back. Now I just fill in the gaps and add sealer to "set" them and the texture of the powder makes them look realistic. I've never noticed anyone looking at my brows so I assume they have looked natural all along. Take care~ Stephanie
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