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"Coming out"
Hi Friends,
I am writing this morning to announce that I "came out" to two girls from work yesterday. It started with a conversation a week or so ago where one of the girls I teach with said she was going to try to run a half marathon and asked if I would want to do it with her. I am not a runner but it hit a chord because I have been struggling with the idea of going to a gym or working out in a public place since my alopecia progressed.
I fear my eyebrow will wipe away or my wig will become sweaty and a mess, as of right now I only have 1 everyday wig. I do have a "gym wig," an inexpensive piece that I bought just for pulling in a ponytail and wearing a headband with a year ago but I was only wearing it when I could go home before going to the gym. The wig is a little darker than my everyday wig but it's long and it would probably fool most people but I canceled my NYSC membership this year even though there is a NYSC 2 blocks from my new school because I didn't know if I could swing the change in hair.
So, when these girls brought this up I felt a bit defeated. I was saying no for the wrong reasons. Listen, If I don't want to work out, I won't but in this case I kind of wanted to work out but was scared. I discussed coming out about this to them with my boyfriend and he was very supportive but also protective. He wanted me to know I could trust these girls with my personal information. I thought about it and then last night I encouraged them to grab a happy hour drink, it was just that kind of day, and we ended up grabbing a quick bite to eat. The conversations were going well. We were discussing relationships and life experiences. One of the girls came out to me about an ovarian cancer diagnosis just 2 months ago. She went through surgery and crossing fingers and toes is in remission and doing well now. She talked about this guy who she has been friends with for years and how he has been so supportive and it reminded me of my Oody and how supportive he has been for me. Now I am not saying my alopecia is the same as her cancer - but it brought out a lot of similar emotions. In that instant I knew it was the right time to share, and with a little bit of a shaky voice but no tears :) I used my relationship experience as a platform for coming out about my alopecia. When life hits you with unexpected turns, you begin to realize who is worth having in your life and who you should say goodbye to. I saw how Oody rose to the occasion for me, and I could see how this man was rising to the occasion for her.
I was amazed at how well received the news was from me. The girls were surprised and very supportive. In the end, I wasn't using it as an opportunity to vent and be sad, but as an opportunity to inspire someone else which then inspired me.
Now lets not get crazy, I told them I wasn't out about all of this and they know I'm not announcing it over the loud speaker Monday lol but it feels good knowing that they know so on those days when I'm not having a great day, someone knows why without me having to explain.
I also think this was my opportunity to seize the half marathon training dilemma. I wrote them both a message this morning thanking them for the evening and the opportunity. I also told them about my eyebrow concerns and such. Does anyone hear have any tips for keeping your eyebrow makeup on during a workout? I use Smashbox eyebrow wax before applying in the morning, like 6:45 am and it stays on all day, as long as I don't rub it. Sweat is different though. I could use the tips so please share!
I'll keep you posted on what ends up happening :) Thanks for listening!
I am writing this morning to announce that I "came out" to two girls from work yesterday. It started with a conversation a week or so ago where one of the girls I teach with said she was going to try to run a half marathon and asked if I would want to do it with her. I am not a runner but it hit a chord because I have been struggling with the idea of going to a gym or working out in a public place since my alopecia progressed.
I fear my eyebrow will wipe away or my wig will become sweaty and a mess, as of right now I only have 1 everyday wig. I do have a "gym wig," an inexpensive piece that I bought just for pulling in a ponytail and wearing a headband with a year ago but I was only wearing it when I could go home before going to the gym. The wig is a little darker than my everyday wig but it's long and it would probably fool most people but I canceled my NYSC membership this year even though there is a NYSC 2 blocks from my new school because I didn't know if I could swing the change in hair.
So, when these girls brought this up I felt a bit defeated. I was saying no for the wrong reasons. Listen, If I don't want to work out, I won't but in this case I kind of wanted to work out but was scared. I discussed coming out about this to them with my boyfriend and he was very supportive but also protective. He wanted me to know I could trust these girls with my personal information. I thought about it and then last night I encouraged them to grab a happy hour drink, it was just that kind of day, and we ended up grabbing a quick bite to eat. The conversations were going well. We were discussing relationships and life experiences. One of the girls came out to me about an ovarian cancer diagnosis just 2 months ago. She went through surgery and crossing fingers and toes is in remission and doing well now. She talked about this guy who she has been friends with for years and how he has been so supportive and it reminded me of my Oody and how supportive he has been for me. Now I am not saying my alopecia is the same as her cancer - but it brought out a lot of similar emotions. In that instant I knew it was the right time to share, and with a little bit of a shaky voice but no tears :) I used my relationship experience as a platform for coming out about my alopecia. When life hits you with unexpected turns, you begin to realize who is worth having in your life and who you should say goodbye to. I saw how Oody rose to the occasion for me, and I could see how this man was rising to the occasion for her.
I was amazed at how well received the news was from me. The girls were surprised and very supportive. In the end, I wasn't using it as an opportunity to vent and be sad, but as an opportunity to inspire someone else which then inspired me.
Now lets not get crazy, I told them I wasn't out about all of this and they know I'm not announcing it over the loud speaker Monday lol but it feels good knowing that they know so on those days when I'm not having a great day, someone knows why without me having to explain.
I also think this was my opportunity to seize the half marathon training dilemma. I wrote them both a message this morning thanking them for the evening and the opportunity. I also told them about my eyebrow concerns and such. Does anyone hear have any tips for keeping your eyebrow makeup on during a workout? I use Smashbox eyebrow wax before applying in the morning, like 6:45 am and it stays on all day, as long as I don't rub it. Sweat is different though. I could use the tips so please share!
I'll keep you posted on what ends up happening :) Thanks for listening!
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Comment by Mary on January 30, 2011 at 11:53am
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Jocelyn, my first full "exposure" outside of family was in the weekly folk dance class I teach. (you can see a bit of the class in my video "Living a Bald Life"). I tried wearing a scarf after I first shaved, but the dancing is very aerobic and I sweat a lot...I couldn't stand it and with the encoragement of my students, just took it off. Once I did that, it was easy.
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Comment by Rebecca Strobel on January 30, 2011 at 1:12pm
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What a great experience for you - and honestly - it's all about how WE feel about it - in the end...I share my hairloss with alot of folks...I don't know why - it just feels right. I wear my freedom wig and folks are SHOCKED when I tell them it's a wig - and that my eyebrows are tattooed on ... NO ONE believes that until they reach up and touch them. I think it's a source of freedom for me - it makes me feel in control somehow? Anyway, you are fabulous and gorgeous and it will take YOU knowing that - after YOU discover that - really discover that - you'll feel so much better (as I know I will) :) Hugs and God Bless!
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Comment by clare majka on January 30, 2011 at 2:46pm
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Hi Jocelyn Clare here I am glad to hear you had the courage to tell a couple of your coworkers I know it couldn't have been easy. However the opportunity arrived and you took it . Well done you are really a beautiful woman inside and out and I am glad to know you hope to see you soon love Clare
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Comment by Petra on January 31, 2011 at 3:29pm
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Hi Jocelyn, way to go. I haven't had any problems with my eyebrows running down my face while sweating. I do have them tatooed on and then darken with an eyebrow pencil. It's just a cheap little pencil that I picked up and it seems to do the trick. When your up to it, try that Yoga class......I did, I wear a scarf. I have had a couple of people come up to me though and ask me if I have cancer only because they both do. One of them was actually wearing a wig in class and I couldn't even tell :-) Me personally I can not exercise in a wig, so I gave up exercising in public for many years. Know I think about all the years and things I missed :-(
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Comment by Stephanie on January 31, 2011 at 5:49pm
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Wow, I re-read my note to you Jocelyn and it sounds like an ad!!! Definitely did not mean that. I have never mastered the drawing on of "hairs" with a brow pencil which probably looks very natural too. Good luck!
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Comment by Jocelyn on January 31, 2011 at 9:08pm
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haha I don't think it sounded like an ad. In fact my mom uses the sealer and I'm going to order it from bald girls do lunch because of all the great things I have heard. I'll let you know how it turns out!
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Comment by Julie R on February 25, 2011 at 12:48am
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Aww, good job girl! Glad you were able to come out, especially to people at work. It's such a relief to tell people. I don't like that feeling of sometimes living a lie. . .wearing a wig, and keeping the secret. I don't know if I'll ever get to that point to telling people at work. I'm protective about it too and I don't know hwo much I can trust people in the corporate setting. Anyway, I'm glad it went ok for you, and good for you for thinking of training :) I'm actually thinking of buying a road bike and getting into biking with my friends, hehe. xoxo ~Julie~
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