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Conscious Decision
It wasn't a Choice in the End.
I would be so "HURT" with the World, for expecting me to live uncomfortable.
Being told to"COVER UP" as though it offended them.
Because they couldn't Deal with their own "Insecurities".
Unable to Accept my Appearance and "My Facade" expecting me to "ABIDE"
As though it were them, who had my Problem!
Like I, was somehow the Freak of Sorts.
The Attitude was Undeniably Disheartening
My Dad telling me to "COVER UP".
A little Embarrassed for his friends.
How can you be "Ashamed" of your child...unless they did something terrible!
Even then...you Love them Unconditionally.
My step mom, telling me to put on a Wig!
Saying....."NOW,YOU'LL LOOK LIKE A REAL WOMAN"
Also, she would say...Not to take off the Wig!
"OH NO, DON'T TAKE IT OFF...I DON'T WANT YOU TO SPOIL THE GOOD IMAGE I HAVE OF YOU"
Also she said, after I told her, a man complimented me by saying
"I like your Style"
She went on to say"IT TAKES ALL SORTS"
My Brother telling me
"YOU CAN'T BLAME PEOPLE FOR THINKING YOU'RE SICK IN THE HEAD...WALKING AROUND WITHOUT A WIG, HAT OR HEAD COVERING"
When people say such "IGNORANT" things...I say....IT TAKES ALL SORTS!
SO MUCH FOR "I SAID...HE SAID...SHE SAID...THEY SAID"
ON, AND ON, AND ON, AND ON!
The Wig & Head Covering, were all so itchy.
So irritating, hot, miserable, that my head and neck ached.
I couldn't move my neck the way I wanted to...or my wig would move forward.
The Wigs were so Enormous on my Skull!
I couldn't take it any longer...living under a"CLOAK"...at the Expense of Others.
I finally Gave it all Up!
The fear of......"SHOULD I"
Or.................... "SHOULD I NOT"
In the End....I just Mustered Up All The Strength I had.
Venturing out and Facing The Big Wide World.
Lil' Ol' Me...Myself....& I!
"I SHAN'T CONFORM, WERE MY SELF RESPECT & MY DIGNITY ARE AT STAKE"
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Comment by Jacqueline on September 23, 2009 at 6:08am
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Dear Mina!
I love to read your words, they are so expressive.
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Comment by Melissa Francis on October 9, 2009 at 7:27am
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I totally agree and identify with this - other ppl's insecurities are so sad, so limiting...
Whilst I am not at the sleek and shiny stage yet, I am so grateful that I have had to confront it as a possibility, and have had the empowerment of realising that I don't have to cling to a societal ideal of how i should look according to anyone else.
If that day comes, I hope I will still feel as good about it then as I do right now :)
My heart breaks for those moments you and others have had where we have had to be 'STRENGTH' in the face of others' uncomfortable paranoias. It is a privilege to be able to show love without fear or judgment to those people, and in turn liberate them from their mental cages.
Light and love to you, friend -
liss
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Comment by MiNAH on October 9, 2009 at 4:04pm
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thank you so much for your loving words...Jacqueline, & Melissa,
Did you guys check out my videos?
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