Day 3 of fighting the return of panic attacks

First let me say I am touched my blog was featured on here. That's never happened to me before. :-)I hope others will talk to me that know what I am going through and wish to just vent. I think it's so important to support each other.

So yes, day 3. I don't want to exaggerate. They are not full blown panic attacks. They are the wobbly legs, feeling hot, sickly stomach want to throw up kind. Full blown ones are much worse. I am using a book called the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. It's big and you have to break it down part by part to use it. I am dedicating this month to working each week on a self-esteem task. I have had problems with panic attacks and anxiety long before I had HL. So HL is not the only issue I am dealing with. I have what I call long-term unresolved issues. HL is forcing me to deal with them finally. It's not possible to ignore...to ignore these issues is to never know personal peace and learn that I AM a worthy person, with or without hair! Or all my limbs, or my eyes, etc. You get the idea. We as humans are not a body..we are a spirit! Hair should not define us. I'll let you know when I can full walk that walk. :-)

I think part of the sadness I am feeling is the recent discovery that a cat we want to adopt has FLUT. My cat Figaro passed away in July, the month before my big dread shed. Figaro was 18 and I loved him dearly. Now I am finally ready to think about another cat, find one I can relate too and he is sick. We are trying to understand what it means but my concern is with the stress I am under with HL, can I take the added stress of a sick cat? I don't know...I just want to enjoy my new cat for a bit before it gets too old and is sick. So I think it's making me sadder than I realize. I so want to feel joy again...

Views: 60

Comment by Tallgirl on December 2, 2011 at 11:11am

Can you volunteer or train at a vets or pet store to see all the pets you want to daily?

Comment by Lili on December 3, 2011 at 8:53am
Wow- figarosmom, I had no idea you were dealing with this right now... I just got finished writing to you that long ass letter and realized I forgot to tell you that's a beautiful cat in your avatar BTW...well, I have a sick cat right now too, she has kidney failure and is on her way out really soon. We've been giving her IV fluids but it's getting past that time now. This just kills me. I have no idea how I'm going to handle it either. I agree, with the hair loss thing support is invaluable. I've been confronted with a lot of issues too. I'm now working on no longer hiding away because of hair loss. It's an uphill battle! Most important in my neck of the woods is to remind myself that I'm more than my body. Sounds crazy, but that's a hard one for me. I get weak knees, sweats and random unexpected emotions giving rise to tears...at really bad times! Hate how little control I feel over my emotions, but I'm sure it's all a process.
Comment by LilyBell*Murphy'sLawLuvsMe on December 3, 2011 at 9:03am

I am so sorry about you sick cat. I lost my Henry earlier this year and I miss him so very much. He was a stray that adopted me. I have panic attacks too. Whenever that feeling starts I always wonder if I will be able to calm myself this time and make it go away or if it will go to a full blown attack. Of course wondering and worrying which way it will go also leads to more panic!

Comment by Figarosmom on December 5, 2011 at 11:02am

let me tell you guys, if I shared everything that has happened this last year... good grief. a lot has happened. and working through the emotions is a must not an option. otherwise my health will be so compromised, I won't be able to work. I know everyone on this site knows what I am talking about. we are more than our body. it's just a vehicle. oh yes!! tears at bad times!!!! argh. so what are all of you doing to cope with your panic attacks and when do you find you have them the most?

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