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Dear Abby Bombed Today
Boy, did the person who took over for Dear Abby ever get it wrong today! I read this in the paper while having my oil changed, and was shocked at how misinformed the advice writer was/is. How shall we put her and the poor military wife right on alopecia? Obviously, the steroids are the shots...right? Read on. You can respond to www.DearAbby.com
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 40-year-old female in the military who has been married for a few years. When I got married, I was slim, had a full head of beautiful, long hair and hardly any medical problems. Over the last couple of years I have developed a host of medical issues, all related to the harsh conditions of my deployments.
My husband is shorter than I am, thin and three years younger. I have gained more than 40 pounds due to steroid treatments. I had to cut my long hair because it was falling out from stress. I look nothing like the woman I was when we were married. I look mannish!
Abby, my husband no longer seems proud to be seen with me in public. He won't hold my hand, and he walks behind me or ahead of me so it doesn't appear we're together. I have tried talking to him about it, but he pretends nothing is wrong.
I think we look ridiculous together. Now that I'm so unattractive, the differences in height and our ages bother me more. I am embarrassed, ashamed, avoiding social situations and becoming a recluse. Doctors won't do anything to help me because they say it's a "cosmetic" issue. I don't know where to begin to dig myself out of this miserable existence. — NO LONGER MYSELF IN MARYLAND
DEAR NO LONGER YOURSELF: I disagree with your doctors. This isn't a "cosmetic" issue. You are depressed! Please consult both another primary physician, preferably female, who can identify with the feelings you're having, and a psychologist.
Yes, you have put on weight, but patients aren't permanently on steroids. Your hair will grow out with time. But in the meantime, you may need psychological counseling to get you through this. Your husband may not be less proud to be seen with you. You may be projecting your own feelings onto him.
You're a strong woman. Please talk to a psychologist who can help you get your head straight. Happiness is the best cosmetic there is, and once you get a handle on your emotions, you will become your old self again.
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Comment by FANCY1024 on January 17, 2012 at 2:57am
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I wish the writer to Dear Abby had included more information on what type of steroid she was taking and what for. There are several types of steroids (pills and injections) and a lot of health reasons for taking them. I have a feeling that she was taking the steroids long term due to her health issues not due to her hair loss. I’ve taken steroids for long periods of time for my lung disease and the weight gain from it is awful. If this is the situation, then I think it was good advice but if the steroids were for the hair loss, then they definitely need to be corrected. Di
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Comment by Bald and Fabulous AKA Terri on January 19, 2012 at 10:12pm
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wow that to me it sounded as if Dear Abby was essentially telling her that "its all in your head" that once she can find a doctor/counselor to talk about her issues then everything will be ok. She didnt address any medical reasons that could contribute to her health issues
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Comment by Tallgirl on January 20, 2012 at 9:57am
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Terri, That's what I was thinking. Why tell someone that all will be okay and that hair will grow back if that might not occur? This woman may have to face the fact that the hair loss will be permanent, and take steps to console self and get her spouse into counseling or support groups with her. The guy may be one of those Macho Macho men who judges his woman (and how he appears with her) by looks. However, why did she take on a profession where she has to wear fatigues and do traditional military activities (and talk) if she is so concerned about looking "mannish?" I think maybe it is time to get back to what makes them both "humanish" with each other, regardless of illnesses or outward appearances. Heck...he may even be jealous of all she has accomplished, and be confused about his own role, age and height!
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