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Do no harm
Today in church, the speaker discussed kids who have dreams of negative actions on themselves, but who time and again were just found to be having such dreams when faced with a fear or developmental stage they didn't think they could overcome. Being me, of course, I took notes as how this might manifest itself with distraught people on AW. Here is what I came up with as he talked:
What a person really wants to escape is the emotional pain, fear, assumptions or embarrassment associated with hair loss. I mean, alopecia, in itself, usually is not painful if one isn't getting shots. So, why not try something new and exciting...or just plain DIFFERENT...to increase one's own emotional JOY, courage, knowledge and pride, in other areas? By seeking a balance between the first set of responses and the second, in equal measure or on the side of the positive attitude, maybe the old fears and insecurities can be overcome, set aside, or even eliminated...regardless of what the body decides to do about hair growth!
Then, when one starts to seek out people who GET IT, and also can start to GET IT, hope will reign. The person with hair loss can then be more open to possibilities presented by others and possibilities chosen for self, relationships, interviews, presentations, etc. When determined to succeed, or able to hold the course until the situation changes, the normal life mistakes, rejections or inconveniences can then be brushed aside easier and not seen as a reason to blame the poor innocent body! All the other things are still there that would have been anyway: twinkle in the eye, muscle strength, laugh, voice, nature with others, ability to befriend or soothe, love, sensuality, intelligence, talent...GET IT?
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Comment by Pamela McGruder on November 24, 2011 at 5:29pm
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sorry but at this point I don't get it and i'm running out of time!!!!! well written post but looking at me hmmmm I have done new things and still deal with the pain of loss hair and I hate the way people look at me!!!!! I just can't live like this anymore five years
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Comment by Tallgirl on November 26, 2011 at 9:48am
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Because you think you have tried everything at your young age, then it wouldn't hurt to start listening to the careful guidance of those professionals who have helped others. Since many ministers and counselors do not have a clue about alopecia, I actually went to some meetings of cancer survivor or sufferer groups at a hospital, because they deal with loss, hurt of relatives, dispair of spouses, AND hair loss from chemo. Also, Sutter Hospital in Sacramento, CA had a group of cancer patients and relatives publish writings from their writer's workshop, then present some readings at an event. LOTS of kindred souls there, with medical staff around, too. Another set of folk who deal with those grieving over loss are leaders for relatives at funeral homes, and art therapists who work with grief. I think we all are just grieving hair loss as a lost "body part" (which may come back!), so why not seek people (and books) dealing with loss?
What is this time deadline of yours? An upcoming event? GO TALK TO SOMEONE! Seriously. You owe that to all the people, parents, teachers, friends and aunties/cousins or siblings who have been there knowing and loving you for so many years. Or to future children waiting to be raised and loved by you (even if you teach, adopt or befriend them). Or...love that new pet more! Pets snuggle up, and have no regard for alopecia!
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