Alopecia World
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Family Acceptance Issues - Help!
Hi Everyone - I've had severe AA for roughly the past 2 years now. I just recently purchased my first wig in March 2010 since I was no longer able to cover up my bald spots, and I was tired of getting painful shots into my scalp. All the while, my future mother-in-law always added her 2 cents and thought she was a doctor by saying I don't eat enough meat, eggs, so on and so on. She even made an exercise comment. I definitely consider myself a healthy eater for the most part. I love fruits and veggies, and I do eat meat and eggs. Yes, I don't always eat completely healthy, but I surely wouldn't say I have a poor diet! I don't exercise as much as I used to since graduating college and getitng a full-time job in addition to starting grad school this past Spring, but I still put in a little effort when I have the time. I'm in good shape overall. Who is she to judge and think she knows it all?!?! In fact, after getting my wig in March, and wearing it for the first time, she never said anything to me and 2 of her children laughed at me. I'm not going to let them come between my relationship with my boyfriend because he is a good guy and I love him, but how the hell can someone be so rude and unsupportive. If I had to eat 20 chicken legs a day for the rest of my life in order to have my hair grow back I freaking would!! But that's not the case, obviously!!! I try not to let it get to me, but it's hard cause I haven't had to deal with this crap from anybody, and the last thing I would've thought is that it would come from family! I know that family has issue, but seriously?!?!? Has anyone else had to deal with this? What can I do other than cuss her out in my head!?!? :( It's hard, because I'm still trying to accept this. I put on my happy face everyday, but there are times I cry by myself out of the frustration of this entire situation. She is not helping!
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Comment by Stephanie on June 8, 2010 at 2:28pm
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Nikki, I am so sorry to read this. It's hard enough dealing with AA than to have people around you be non-supportive and judgmental. Regarding your boyfriend's mother, I am speaking from experience when I say that she is looking for your weak spot and pressing on it to get a reaction from you, and it's working! It took me over two decades to figure that out about my mother-in-law (who started with her digs when her son and I began dating 4 years before we got married). My advise is to think of her as an acquaintance who you are polite to but have no emotional investment in, do not let her get a rise out of you, and find caring support elsewhere.
This woman is threatened by you. Hopefully she will come to the realization of how damaging her behavior is, not only because she will lose you as an ally but she is also risking her relationship with her son.
This is a great site for support and beyond that all you need is one good friend to talk to. I was so glad to read that you are conscious about not allowing his family to come between you. Good luck with that.
I'd love to hear about your wig; where you bought it, got it cut, whether you like it, etc.. I'm new to this too and am always interested in the experiences of fellow Alopecians! :) Stephanie
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Comment by Sarah McIntosh on June 8, 2010 at 7:54pm
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I don't really know what to say,it's sad but there's always people like that sometimes they don't even realize that they are being rude or making you uncomfortable,sometimes these types of people think they are helping.I think we all go through things like this.Most recently my mother in law who really is a sweet woman,made a comment to me about how my oldest is a lot like me,so I said thank you,then she said it`s to bad that he has alopecia like you though because when he starts school everyone is going to pick on him and treat him different,then she continued on by saying maybe there will be a cure soon.I simply said having Alopecia is different for everyone and some kids who grow up with it,grow up without any problems that others may encounter and that we are raising him to know that he is the same as everyone else and can do whatever they do.
I hope things get easier for you.
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Comment by Tallgirl on June 8, 2010 at 10:24pm
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Nip this in the bud somehow. You do NOT have to go there or take that insulting laughter. My MIL dumped on me one Thanksgiving, and my hair started falling out by brushloads within two days, all gone by January, universalis by June. Some people do not know how to be "mothers."
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Comment by Somaaya on June 9, 2010 at 5:14am
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Its not nice at all what the future mother in law has to say, it is hard dealing with alopecia and accepting it yourself the last thing you need are people who think they know what causes it try and ignore and try and accept the alopecia because the more you worry about it the less chances you have of the hair growing back. Take it easy your boyfriend obviously loves you the way you are and you love him in return what more do you need if you wait for the family to accept the fact you have alopecia and they know this they will continue being a pain. Just try not give them the opportunity to get you down or make you feel the way your feeling when your around them try and stay positive hun it will all get better in time.
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Comment by Nikki on June 10, 2010 at 11:01am
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Thank you everyone. I appreciate your comments. I am starting to really just ignore her rudeness. If she doesn't like me, that's her problem. She's far from perfect. I will not allow her to cause me anymore anxiety over this stupid alopeica. Everyone else I know always has kind words for support or they don't even know I have a wig on. I will focus on that!
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Hi Nikki,
While having alopecia is pretty unusual. Having a nasty MIL is not. Your MIL sounds like she would have been a bitch to you regardless of your hair loss. I lost my MIL 5 years ago and she was so wonderfull. As the mother of 2 sons I plan on following in her footsteps. Chin up girl most MIL's are not so nice.
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