I have not blogged in a really long time. I just need to vent. Back in August of 2013 I cut/shaved all my hair off for the second time. My hair was very thin and my bald spots were growing. I was sick of losing hair and was ready to take control of my alopecia. It was a good thing I did because in December of that year I had a large bald spot on the top of my head. I wore wigs from 2013 til May/ June of this year. Back in April/ May I noticed I had very few bald spots and decided to try to let my hair grow out. It started growing in nice despite being under a lot of stress the first few months. ( My grandfather who I was very close to died in May.)

Recently I was running my fingers through my hair and noticed some new bald spots. I'm trying not to freak out about it. I know I probably won't ever be 100% bald spot free. I've accepted that I have alopecia and I'm okay with wearing wigs. I was really looking forward to letting it grow out and then coloring my hair purple or something. I'm trying not to give up hope, but I'm also trying to be realistic. I feel guilty for thinking about shaving my head again when I know some people would love for their hair to grow out as much as mine has. But at the same time I know that everyone is different and I have to do what is best for me. When I shave my head & wear wigs, I feel like I'm in control of the situation. Right now, I hate the uncertainty of it all. One moment a bald spot is vanishing, and the next a new one is forming somewhere else. It's like a never ending battle.

I probably just need to have a good cry. I haven't cried about my alopecia in a while. I'm just frustrated and tired of feeling torn about what to do and what will make me happy.