Alopecia World
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First Bald-Headed Lady
I am a First Lady. I am the wife of a pastor of a church in Houston. I am also a preacher. I have alopecia. I am bald headed. Wow! What a relief that was. I was told by a preacher friend of mines not to share my condition with anyone at the church for fear that they would mock me or spread rumors about me. I wore wigs and hats and covered the shame of a bald head and bald spots. I cry late at night and all throughout the day not able to share my pain with anyone. I am fearful of their words,stares, remarks. Who would understand that a first lady of a church is hairless. We pride ourselves on our outward beauty because so many people are watching. We don't want to shame nor embarrass our husbands of our hideous condition. The people must not know that we suffer and go through things ourselves. Perfection, perfection, perfection...from head to toe, perfection. Yet the whole while we wear our wigs and hats and smile...face made up, high heels high and we walk and talk as if all is well. But we feel worthless, unattractive and depressed. We questioned God and asked Him WHY a million times. And yet He does not answer. He is silent and my hair keeps falling out.
Well, what if I don't want to wear a wig? What if I don't want to wear a hat? What if God is silent because He says, "My grace is sufficient."? What if I am tired of being ashamed of something I have no control over? What If I have the grace and beauty to rock this bald head? My man better support me as much as I have supported him! I mean that! I loved on you, supported you, had allll you kids, keep your house clean, cooked your food, picked up after everyone, wash, fold and make love to you like you like it!!!...Yeah, he supports me! He loves me and comforts me through my season. He even kisses my bald head, holds me tight and tells me I am beautiful. I cry. Then I become strong. I am not afraid of you or what you think! I am not afraid of me. You keep the hats and and wigs...I want to be free...I am the First Lady to be bald and beautiful and I am not ashamed...God gave me the grace!
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Comment by lovelyjan on November 9, 2011 at 7:12pm
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Rock on First Lady and feel no shame.
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Comment by Tallgirl on November 9, 2011 at 7:45pm
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And what a way to really test THEIR kindness and spirituality, hm?
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Comment by PJ on November 9, 2011 at 10:39pm
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Praise the Lord, Sis. First Lady....I was just sitting here going through the discussions and blogs, the site in general.I am believing that God directed me to your blog because I was feeling a little down. I had just told my husband how I felt and he jokingly said.."Put your hair back on". First of all it is beginning to get cold and I have began to stack up on hats.
What a familiar testimony. I say testimony because I say that is what it is when I tell about my deliverance. Everything you mention is identical, except being the first lady. My script is that I am on the mass choir at my church. My thoughts were the same as yours. I must say that this website encourages others facing the same turmoil,and to be truthful tonight, I was getting a little down, until I read your blog.Iron sharpens iron..When the Lord delivered me from the shame back in August of this year, I lost it on the choir loft while singing Richard Smallwood's "Trust" song. It was that day when I first expose my bald head and I walked with my head up high while entering the sanctuary.
There were eyes on me, which I expected, but there was no shame on my part. I have been suffering from the loss of my hair for about 20 years.needles in my head....wearing hair pieces, going to the Hair Club spending thousands of dollars, wearing wigs..braids..taking this taking that with the hopes that my hair would come back. It was causing friction in my home with my husband because he was tired of me complaining about my hair. He loves me, I could not imagine being without hair and still having his love still there. But he loves me..he shaved my head..I respect him for that.
The Pastor and First Lady of a Church are human just as the sheep..and you too are allowed to be human and have the same feelings as we do. When I walked off the choir loft I had woman coming to me first asking if I was okay..you know, they wanted to know if I had cancer. I told them no...its alopecia and I am tired of wearing a "mask". We had just had the earthquake,hurrican and a tropical storm..I am still alive, my children, grandchilden, I am not sick, at least God has not told me and I am not claiming it, so I am going to live and be happy. My husband is there for me and really, I did not know that I had a nice shaped head...smile. I have been told that I am bold...that it looks nice..that I can wear that style...I received so many compliments. And I am different. I am making a statement for others who are with cancer, or losing hair as a result of alopecia.
I know that we have to encourage ourselves, if no one else does. I know that God has a purpose and plan for all of us. I know that I am alive. I know that I love me. My husband supports me. I had hair...I been there done that, I say to myself..I have pictures...I am now almost 56 years old, blessed to be retired, and I am trying to look on the bright side...think of good things.
You'll be in my prayers. Do YOU...your heart will remain the same. Jesus is there...the love is there...God looks at the heart....and it says that the woman's glory is in her hair...well, my heart is important in God's eyes...and those who say they love you will still love you because you will still me YOU. God bless you!
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Comment by Theresa on November 10, 2011 at 12:18pm
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@lovelyjan...I plan to rock on!@ Tallgirl...so true.
@PJ...you are an inspiration to me...20 year! What a story you have. Have you thought about writing your journey in a book? I would love to read your story. And oh, the church choir...lol, I could only wonder your thoughts and feelings about that...did the people of God show love, kindness and tender mercy? Inquiring minds wanna know! I know God chose use to walk this walk because nobody can do it like we can. You were bold enough to shave your head and walk in church knowing that you would get the looks and the stares. It is truly a witnessing tool sitting on your body and you can't hide it. You can cover it up but you can't hide it. PJ, God's gonna get the glory out of us one way or another. He took the glory off our heads and put His grace and glory in us so that people will see God through us, thereby giving Him all the glory! Get it? Whatever we go through in life it is not for us per say, it is to help someone see God! Hallelujah!!! I took my wig off in the pulpit. The men,women and children cried. They have a new repect for me...now they will listen to ever word that comes out of my mouth. Why do they listen now? Well, it's because my afflication is before everyone...and I am still going on...I didn't give up and I am praising God inspite of...for all the world to see. I did'nt allow my flesh to get in God's way...He's working on something and He's using me to get it done. I know that I didn't have it like that before my "misfortune". LOL...God doesn't make mistakes. I've gotten over myself...my hair is growing back but if it just so happens to fall out again...He get's all the glory!
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LORD JESUS!....Your testimony is so very uplifting and I must come together as two to agree. To God be the Glory for what He has done and will be doing. That is exactly what I tell others when I start speaking about my divererance...it's for me to help someone else, to let them know that I know how they feel and what they may be going through but it will be God who only can do the delivery. I won't suggest to have their heads shaved baled until God speaks to them...Praise God....I really enjoy reading your response. I trully do...I have choir rehearsal tonight and I know that I will praise His name and bless Him through my singing. I'll change that to service because this is how I am feeling. Yes, I received loved from the sisters, and if only asking to be nosey, I kept my esteem of being alive, walking, seeing, talking and being Here, just one more day!
My daughter suggested that I write my story and you are giving me conformation. If I can help someone along the way, then my living will not be in vain. You've gave me a word and I thank you so much.
The fact that they say that I am "bold" really sometimes doesn't make me something big. In fact, I ask the Lord to continue to keep me hubble because it is not about me. It took alng time to be such as they say "bold". The hats I am liking, gotta cover up the head here in the Baltimore area, and the earrings...oh getting that collection also. Just learning how to do the makeup. You are beautiful. Keep smiling..Keep praising..Keep loving..
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and talking about respect...I forgot that...yes, they look at you differently..being brave..still smiling...and blessed to be alive...I can go on and on...and you are absolutely correct...I cannot keep this to myself...gotta tell somebody what it took and why. I am not ashame of the gospel of Jesus Christ and all that He has done for me and my family. I know for sure that this is His work and He is not finish with me yet!
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Keep me HUMBLE...:>)
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Praise him ladies!!!! God be the Glory!!! Can't praise him enough when he have delivered me from something that I have been struggling with most of my life. @PJ it funny how we all can focus on something so familiar...what will we do when it gets colder? I been buying hats and debating a lot about putting the wig back on while its cold.
When I took off my wig May of this year after 27 yrs..I had to tell it,could not keep it to myself. God is Good ladies!!
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@lovelyjan...girl, get you some hats, scarfs, turtle neck sweaters, wraps and go for it. You will be absolutely beautiful. If this alopecia didn't do nothing else, it caused us to be stylish women! Trust, you will have people asking how did you put that ensemble together?
@PJ...God for it. I will be praying for you as He directs your heart and emotions to write. It's going to be powerful! I have written about a few of my experiences and moments with this disease. I have found that I have discovered a me that I did not know existed. I mean to express what "this" is like! To express what we go through...the WORDS are so impactful. I didn't know that I could pull that feeling out of me and put it on paper. Oh, words could never really do it justice...you know, how we really feel. But the words that God gives you to write down will be awe inspiring! So, you write on and may God in heaven be with you my sister. And you are my sister, I love you already. Your strength and boldness blesses me. I am thankful that we meet.
I will be in Baltimore Maryland in July...My spiritual mother...Dr. DeDe Freeman will be hosting God's Glamorous Girls conference and I will be in the house! Hopefully we can meet up.
Blessing.
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Wow..Praise the Lord...My husband and I just last week met Mike & DeDee while attending the Marriage Made EZ fellowship in Ellicott City, Maryland..it's about 45 mins of where we live...and love watching them and asked my husband as a night out with him...lets ride there....what a blessed, and enjoyable time we had. I love you too....I love watching the Freemans on the Word channel, every morning, as much as I can. And I agree...@Lovelyjan, rock that versatility...that's what I will be doing...love you. We know He is, but I'll say it again...God you're an awesome God!
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