for my cousin who was so concerned... How are you? she asks :(

Its hard to talk when you have a big lump in your throat;
feels like I can't stop choking...

This pain, it hurts so much! I am trying so hard to let go...

I am trying my best to understand!

I am! I AM!! trying to understand WHY ME????

How can I make other people understand,
when I don't understand myself...

I am tired of being in the dark, hiding... feeling ashamed
tired of crying...
feeling so alone!

Can one's heart take anymore pain than this?

The stress... depression!
I could not... did not want to admit it! NOOOOO!

I am not! I kept answering! I AM NOT!

Why should I be? I have a wonderful family! wonderful life...

So I thought...

What is it?

Know one knows! the doctor says

Did you try Google it? he asks

Google what?

He points at my head!

I don't know what it is I have! thats why I am here to see you...

It is very common... 1 in 50 ppl he says
No one knows what causes it;
there many ppl in the world like you...

He starts naming Famous ppl!!!

How is that suppose to make me feel better!!!

"You just have to come to terms with it" "Accept that you have this condition!"

"There is no known cure!" "There are some treatments, but I don't recommend that you try them!"

"Too many bad side effects!" "Just try go with wearing a hair piece, hats or bandanas!"

"Look for support groups, see a councilor" "Anything to help me COME TO TERMS with having Alopecia!

Pretty sad huh!

I am waiting to see a doctor in Vancouver, and go to Terrace to look for a "HAIR PIECE!"

Wigs suck! big time... so friggen itchy!!!!
I have tried so hard to stay strong... everyday!
I am trying to come to terms with this, accept it!

My hair MAY NOT grow back! FUCK SHAKES anywayz!!!!!
What did I do to deserve this??????? What huh!

Just strike me with lightening! Run me over with a bus, even better a dump truck! it will go with how crappy I have been feeling
Pull the rug from underneath me, why don't you!

I'm trying so hard not to let this get to me...
get the best of me...

I have my good days and bad!

I guess you can tell this is one of my bad dayz

email me again tomorrow or the next day...

for it will be a different day... love you momma lou!

Don't worry! I let it all out now! I feel better!!!

Views: 1

Comment by Mari on February 19, 2009 at 1:08pm
God can I understand that pain, brings tears to my eyes. You are right though, tomorrow will be the good day
Comment by Nicole on February 20, 2009 at 12:25pm
U have just explained everything that I am going through right now. I am trying my best to get through every day with positive thoughts. I am not so much worried about not havign any hair on my head because I now wear a lace wig. What I battle the most is not having any eyebrows & eyelashes. I get a few stares every now & then when I am face to face when some people. When I realize what they are looking at, I just turn my head. I don't say anything about my condition unless someone ask me about my hair loss. It's going to take some time getting used to the new look. We just have to take it one day at a time. Today I am having a mild day.
Comment by Lee on February 21, 2009 at 4:04am
I agree with these girls....you are going through what we have all gone through. Doctors are definatly not the best at dealing with this situation either. They are not therapists. I haven't looked at your page, but I am guessing this is new to you. I have had it for close to two yrs now. Please trust me when I tell you...no matter what happens to your hair, things will get better. You will figure out how to make yourself feel good through all this....and in time, you may not "accept" the condition ( I never will), but you will not want to jump off a bridge or get hit by a bus. You will get used to it, just like anything else. My suggestion for you is 3 things. #1- research...find out what is going on with your body. Look online for all the info on alopecia that you can find. It may hurt at first, but there won't be any surprises and you can prepare yourself for the worst. #2 Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel good and look good. I know we are in a recession, but its important to spend some time and $ on yourself right now. #3 talk to a therapist. I actually went on meds for about a year, and it helped me through. I am off now, and Im fine, its just something to get used to. If you need to talk, feel free to send me an email....I was in your shoes not long ago. ; )

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