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Gaining confidence
I've had alopecia for 8 years now. First, it was come and go areta alopecia. Then it went universalis. The eyelashes were the worst. I would look in the mirror and say, "I look like a lizard." My mom used to say I was as mean as a snake when I was little and got in trouble, so it shouldn't have come as any surprise. The hair loss was hard, but the self-esteem loss was devastating.
The first time I went to buy a wig, I made sure I was the last scheduled appointment. I went alone, in the dark of the night. I insisted on a piece that looked as close to my natural hair as possible. For a red head, it was hard to find the perfect match. The next day, I received more compliments on my new hair do than I had in years. That got me through until a punk kid in the high school cafeteria where I teach yelled out, "I like your wig!" I cried in the teacher's lounge until my next class.
I wish I could outline the exact procedures every person needs to take in order to regain their lost self-value. I wish there was a magic equation that would allow everyone who has looked in the mirror and thought, "I look like a freak" the power to smile at his or her every reflection. But we all are different, and we all have different lessons to learn. The good news is, the lesson isn't impossible. Self-esteem is attainable, and you are beautiful.
I now confidently walk down the halls of my school wigless. Grateful for the lessons. Completely bald. Completely eyelash and eyebrowless. Completely me. Completely beautiful.
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Comment by Alliegator on September 20, 2012 at 10:42am
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Beautiful story! I wish there was a magic equation as well. You are so right. We are all different, and each have our own lessons. Yes, self-esteem is very attainable, and I hope everyone finds it. That is so wonderful that you go to school wigless. I wish I would have had that courage when I was in school. You are an amazing person, and you are beautiful too. Here's to being bald! :)
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Comment by Bonnie on September 20, 2012 at 3:30pm
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It took me seven years to get to the point were I could be seen in public bald. When I was finally ready, I had my husband drive me to Kroger at midnight. There was a balding man with a bad comb-over stocking shelves. I didn't see him staring at me or run his fingers through his hair after I turned the corner, but my husband did. When we got in the car, Joe said, "There was only person who stared at you." He then told me the story and said, "Maybe your courage helped him to find his own." Don't regret the years when you didn't. Be grateful for the years you still have left to do.
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Comment by Norm on September 21, 2012 at 1:05pm
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The magic equation does exist, but the trouble is, it's different for everybody! F'rinstance, lots of peeps have trouble looking at themselves in the mirror - maybe because the change from "full hair" to "not much/no hair" can happen so quickly. But for me, because I went bald over the course of a few years before I shaved my head, my own appearance wasn't the issue - it was others' reactions (I actually used to get shouted at in the street!) But I got there eventually, and worked out that if people didn't like me for who I was, then why should I be bothered about them?
Bonnie, it's great that you've got to that stage where you're just you. But that guy with the combover..... I'm a bit worried it mighta been me!!!! :)
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Thanks for making me laugh, Norm. The insults sting, but pity is the worst. Oh the bitter sting of pity. If there is anyone out there still stinging from others' reactions, here is the motivation you need to just let go of what used to be and embrace what is. Once you stop pitying yourself, you more or less, become immune to others. Now, when someone gives me that look, you know the one, I pity them for still being locked in to all those shampoo and hairspray commercials. ;)
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Oh yeah, the shampoo ads.... but hey, gotta be better than REAL poo, eh? :)
By the way - the laughs are free, but if you're after autographs, they're 50 pence a pop. (That's 75 cents to you...) Not worked out how to send bear hugs through the mail... yet!
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