Comment by Joshua on April 5, 2010 at 10:39am

Hi Tony,

Your daugther needs to know that she's not alone. I usually would encourage people to bring their children to meet others who share the same condition but there are a few exceptions that certain patients may react negatively after they see other alopecians.

But I strongly believe that she needs to know the options available to help her to cope with alopecia which includes sites like this BUT never pressure her that she must come to this site.

Dont pressure her too much and most important -she has someone who she really trust and can talk too. Of course it's tougher to have alopecia as a girl because of the society's perception of baldness on women...but nevertheless it can be equally tough for both boys and girls around her age.

What are her activities during free-time? Is she socializing and doing something she enjoys? OR she's constantly depressed and stay inside her room? There is a limit, where she may need immediate professional attention.

At the end of the day. The family must be very supportive of her, with or without hair she looks beautiful. Let her decide whether she wants to continue treatment or not...let her make most of decision. ...a plan for her sweet 16 party is a good reason to start with...do keep us updated.

Take care
God bless
Joshua

Comment by Tony Polzin on April 5, 2010 at 12:20pm

Joshua,thank you for your response. I do try not to force this on her, but feel that it would be huge step towards acceptance, which I believe is the most important factor for her to beat the depression. Remarkably she is involved in school activities with band, chorus & the high school musical. Presently there is a lull in the activity & I'm sure that has been a contributor to the recent back slide. I see her at a concert or play & she appears happy, it's just that this has affected her confidence to such a degree that she lacks the skills to cultivate close friendships out side of school. The result being that on nights & weekends she is alone & unmotivated to do anything, & has myself or her mom (we're divorced) as ber companions. Two years or so ago she confided in a friend & got burned & has been unable to reach out since that time, to trust any of her peers, & that has not served her well. I am looking for any advice that will start her back to a healthy state emotionally.

Comment by Joshua on April 6, 2010 at 11:23am

Tony, thanks for your reply. May be I would share a little of my experience as I start having alopecia universalis since 16 years old...which then reminds of another blog post recently by Brandy's My first bald blog. A very good blog that also decrisbe my journey of acceptance.

According to Brandy's journey of alopecia (which also best decribe my own journey):

Stage 1 - Denial
Stage 2 - Pain & Guilt
Stage 3 - Anger & Bargaining
Stage 4 - Depression & Reflection
Stage 5 - The Upward Turn
Stage 6 - Reconstruction & Working Through
Stage 7 - Acceptance & Hope

and here's my reply to her blog:
I've been AU for 8 years now. and I spent the first year and a half from Stage 1 to Stage 4. Stage 5 & 6 took me 2 years!and I've been in Stage 7 for the past 5 years...and hopefully I will remain in Stage 7 for a long time to come.

I believe this will give a little more insight of the journey. Its not easy...but you dont have worry...as long as you love her enough. Stage 1 and Stage 2...is a painful and tough journey...Stage 1 denial- is rather temporary--as long as the immediate environment doesnt change...Stage 2 will really start when people start commeting, like families that you only see on Christmas or Thanskgiving...or simply an incident of public embarassment...

Stage 3- is a somewhat dangerous one- when one could do something that is detrimental which could be abuse of drugs, cigarretes or alcohol...etc. This is the stage where one needs an outlet for expression of anger and frustration. places like this website...is good...

Stage 4---well, thats a stage you couldnt care much what other said...become a little bitter...or even sink into clinical depression...

Anyway, just let her know that she's not alone. Expression of sadness, anger and depression are most welcome when they are noticed...because it is a normal part of the journey of alopecia. At least you know what she is doing and how does she feel...

that's all I can say for now...she's not alone...may be a movie in the weekend...all three of you...at least she will know that her mum and dad are fully supportive of her...so probably mum AND dad instead of mum OR dad with her on a weekend for a movie occasionally would be a good boost for her.

God bless.

Comment by Stacie Duda on April 7, 2010 at 1:15am

I met with a wonderful young lady yesterday who has alopecia. she is struggling with accepting the hair loss. after talking to me yesterday, she now understands the positive outlooks and the "who cares! its just hair!" aspect that i believe in.
Shy and no smiles walking in.... 2 hours later... smiles and cheer walking out (from my perspective)
Meeting an influential person who has a positive outlook on LIFE is beneficial.
its not only rewarding to the person seeking the advice, but also to the person giving it.
(reminds us that we have a purpose on earth!)

Comment by Tony Polzin on April 8, 2010 at 2:40pm

Thanks to everyone for the prayers & advice. Mackenzie has been hospitalized for treatment. We had initially hoped to work through it as an outpatient but it just wasn't going well. We are determined to beat this depression & come out of it stronger than ever. She is onboard with the program & I think that is a good sign. I believe that the most important thing for her to learn through this is acceptance. She has never properly accepted her alopecia & as a result has internalized her feelings, & I think we can all agree that is unhealthy for her. She is truly a treasure, smart & beautiful witha great personality. I hope that one day soon she will allow me to add her picture to my, or perhaps her own profile here. But for now you will all just have to take my word for it.
Stacie, we live in Syracuse ! Practically next door, I am hoping she could meet you when she's ready.
Thanks for all of your support, I know what it means to me I can only imagine how it would help her when she is willing to accept it.
I will update soon,
Love & prayers,
Tony

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