Here it goes

So i have not written anything on here in terms of Blog, but lately I have been feeling more and more alone with my alopecia. I was diagnosed in 2007 with AA, and when my first spot ( which I named OScar) started to go away I thought that was the end of it, but since then I have developed another spot ( Ramon), lost my right eyebrow (gretchen) and my left eyelashes (lola). The last couple of months I have seen a quicker rate of hair loss in the front. I used to have side bangs but had to go to full bangs to hide that my hairline was receding and now i had to switch to side awkward bangs in order to hide that i have almost no hair in the front. I am even doing the awkward trump come over in hopes that it will not show. I just can't take it anymore. I hate looking in the mirror. I don't like being outside because I am scared the wind will reveal my bald spots. I don't dance anymore, hardly ever go out with my friends, and don't go to the one place i always felt at home.. the beach. The idea of getting my hair wet in public actually just gives me anxiety. I am so tired of this. I am 22 year old girl who already felt like crap about herself and now I just feel worse and worse. My dermatologist in the states told me that he could keep giving me steroid injections and creams but that he wishes he could do more but since alopecia is not well-known ( aka important to the FDA) he cant do any experimental treatments on me. Luckily ( I guess) my parents live in Switzerland and were able to get me an appointment with the apparent diva doctor of alopecia. He is supposedly the guy who wrote the book on the subject, I know I should be grateful, but after reading and researching it seems like nothing really works, and I just don't know if I can handle getting more bad news.

I am tired of having this stupid disease rule my life. But I don't have the strength to do anything about it. My boyfriend, friends and family all support me and say they would love me with or without hair, and that with or without I am still beautiful. But I don't feel beautiful. I feel like a freak. I feel alone. I feel helpless.

I am really nervous about meeting with this doctor in two days... I can't eat or sleep because that is all I can think about.

I am scared.

Views: 15

Comment by Jennifer on May 29, 2011 at 9:22pm
First off, I think it's awesome that you named your spots. You have to admit, even in the darkest times you got creative with it. I'm not sure what your total percentage of hair loss is but if it's heading toward fifty percent consider shaving it. I know that sounds horrible, and probably like giving up. But it's not, it really is like taking control. I hate being the razor blade diva or something, it's not like that. It's just that if I could go back in time I would have shaved it instead of praying that I could cover up spots and get it into a semi-normal looking pony tale. I know it seems crazy but, just think it over and talk realistically with your doctor in two days. Good luck :) And try to relax if you can.
Comment by Calipso on May 30, 2011 at 8:36am
Hi, reading this made me remember everything that I felt at first (well I still do sometimes!). I understand how you can not feel beautiful, it's hard for a girl especially when so young to lose the beautiful, everywhere advertised as one of the feminine aspects, hair. I feel the same sometimes - hate looking at shampoo adverts, but still sometimes it's fun not having to worry about my hair anymore! To joke about the time, money and water I save when not having hair:D The most freeing thing for me was to shave my head, because I felt in control and I was not a balding woman, but bald. Also as Jennifer said I don't want to be the one who says it's the best choice, but for me it was. My mother was very reluctant but I couldn't wait to shave it off and be in control again. Now I have a lot of regrowth:))
You are very lucky to have such a sporting family and I do believe that this disease will all go away, think of it as a challenge from witch you can learn something new and believe that this is not permanent.
Comment by erenesto del angel hernández oli on June 6, 2011 at 1:58am
Hola Gaby, te comprendo y se que esto no es de lo mejor, que es un fastidio, que cansa.... pero se puede ser feliz, nada esta escrito te auguro éxito, se que ya lo sabes pero en fin ¡luces preciosa! ciao

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