Comment by Tyler's Mom on September 1, 2016 at 10:02am

I am so, so sorry to hear that your daughter is going through this. My son, who's 6 and has AU, just started Kindergarten this year. Before school started, we went in and sat down with the principal and his teacher and talked with them about alopecia. We also gave them letters to hand out to all of the teachers and staff in the school, telling them about alopecia and asking for their help in educating their students. In addition, we had a similiar letter e-mailed to every single family in the school. Another option would be to have a school assembly and talk directly to the students, I've heard of many parents doing this, although at this point we're not planning to. 

For the letters we wrote, we had gotten a booklet from NAAF with some sample letters. I used those as a starting point for our letters and it was really helpful. 

Good luck and I really hope that things improve for your daughter! 

Comment by SabineTawni on September 1, 2016 at 10:17am

I'm with Cindi on this one.  Some battles are just not worth fighting.  Your child's mental health is more important.  I do wonder where the "adults" are in these cases.  I am talking about the school staff and the parents of the bullies.  As far as Kelsey's story (where her daughter was pushed down the stairs by bullies), those students should have been charged with assault and battery.  Seniors in high school are old enough to know better!  

Comment by TallGuy on September 1, 2016 at 10:19am

Sorry to hear this - I've had slip is from the time I was five, feel for your kid. The little f---ers that do do this, know you just want to jump in. I was, for lack of a better word, tortured for most of grade school - and it's something you carry with you.

First - I think it helps to understand a bit about my folks. My mom grew up in a very rural area in Ireland. She's been on her own from 14. My dad has been on his own from 17. We didn't have a lot restrictions placed on us - as they'd rather us understand the world for what it is - good and bad - and ask questions.

Now this was before the Internet, before bullying became a national rallying cry. There wasn't a lot of information out there. To them, it wasn't about raising a kid who was different and making folks change their minds. Hell, kids were bad - but the parents were worse.

Their focus was teaching us how to solve problems, and stick up for ourselves - to be strong.

Dad called the school often to let them know what was going on - and it helped; mostly so they could understand what I was going through. They tried to intervene with what you'd call sensitivity training today.. But it made things worse.

Mom was a bit more unconventional. To her - it wasnt about alopecia. Kids single out and tease kids for a bevy of reasons.... This just happened to be mine. It hurt my feelings, sure, but she was more concerned that I'd grow to believe what they were saying ... Part of her "raise a strong kid" program was teaching us when it's appropriate to stand up for yourself.

So ... I knew from a young age I wasn't going to get in trouble at home... She made sure I knew the difference between being .. Well a predator and being prey lol... And true to her word, about 8 months later I got sent home for fighting.

I got picked in and was pushed to the ground at a PE basketball game, and came out swinging - granted I was 8.. So it's not exactly Rocky; but the three kids that started it didn't know and certainly didn't expect what happened.

When the school called - she refused to accept any punishment that didn't have the other kids involved, and if memory served - my suspension involved young and the restless binge watching and a quick lesson between right and wrong. Mom is a bit of a dragon when it comes to her cubs - and Dad was a bit more logical ... Pointing towards all. The times he asked for help.

Ran into my teacher 20 years later and had a good laugh... She said she knew it must have been hard, and she was quietly rooting for me.

Short of it is - it's easy to jump in or make it about alopecia, but you run the risk of teaching your kid they really are inferior and need to be saved. Talk to them, spend a lot of time listening to how they would solve it, but don't let them take it. Spend a lot of extra time with the stuff they are good at and enjoy - but nudge them towards the kind of stuff that requires real world interaction vs solitary activities... And just let them know it's ok to stick up for yourself... That a lot of how they feel is under their control; for someone to hurt your feelings in this way, you have to give them the power over you; and just because they honed in on a sore spot does mean they are right.

For the most party, the worst of it stopped.

Comment by Kelsey on September 1, 2016 at 10:24am

I tried my best to push the school to something but surprise surprise by the time I arrived at the school the video tape of the stairwell was blank it must have "malfunctioned".  To this day we don't know who did the pushing.  But enough of that your child's mental health is of the utmost importance.

Comment by TallGuy on September 1, 2016 at 10:39am

Just wanted to add : she's going to have this ( alopecia) the rest of her life... And it wasn't until college that I learned I wasn't alone.. And the environments other kids had made this look like Disneyland by comparison. Raising girls is an art form and so much of how they are valued and judged by society I tied to self worth. Look ahead to about 23 and figure out the type of kid you want to have and focus on how to get her there.... So much of how she sees herself and the relationship she has will come from her dad, so make sure she sees him sticking up for her because she's awesome and wonderful - not because she's different. You think about all the choices teens make that come from an insecure place.. They seem so far off but the basis really starts now, with this

My sister doesn't have alopecia - but had her own stuff; minor by adult standards but what I wrote above helped her. She's grown up strong, and commented at dads service how this kind of empowerment Gave her the strength at an early age to easily handle stuff her friends really struggled with in their teens and 20s.

We are really close - I remember, my girly girl older sister getting sent home for giving a kid that was picking on me a swirlie :)

Comment by deltadraper on September 1, 2016 at 10:49am

My daughter just started 6th grade she developed universalis during her 4th grade year. She attends public school. She wore kufi hats while she was losing her hair. Now she wears a freedom wig, which she loves. Check them out, it has brought a great deal of security to me and my daughter. They are pricey, but worth EVERY penny. Work a lot on building your daughters self-esteem. I am an 8th grade teacher and have taught for 17 years. As parents we need to realize that awful things will be said to our children by other children, adults, and just life in general. Not all of it should really be considered bullying. Bullying is repeated attacks by the same individual, is intentional, and occurs over a long period of time. If this is what your daughter is experiencing, her school needs to deal with the bully. He/she may be the one that needs to be removed from the situation, not your daughter. That child needs to be educated about his/her behavior and counseled about better ways to act around others. But always remember bullies prey on others insecurities. Help your daughter become secure with who she is. Help her develop a close group of friends on whom she can rely. Help her find and develop talents that will encourage her to gain confidence in herself. Encourage her to talk to you or another adult so she knows how she feels is normal. I hope this is read in the spirit that it is intended. I truly hope your situation improves. Good Luck! (Really check out Freedom Wigs, I'm not affiliated with them at all, I just know how wonderful my daughter feels in her hair)

Comment by Zimrie on September 1, 2016 at 10:54am

I remember handicapped children in my own elementary school who were not bullied.  

I remember a teacher telling us in no uncertain terms that anyone giving them problems would be in a lot of trouble.  

I remember also that the compromised child's practitioner come into the school to educate

us about them. As a child, I used to like having limits set on me concerning things like this.

I completely agree with the idea of educating the kids at school.   

Another thing that came to mind as I was reading this was to get in touch with a fashion consultant who might be able to help with the choice of a head-cover, wig and make-up in a non-abusive way.

I know this has helped me in times past.

Maybe it's just me, but I think a child who has had this fate and is being bullied should get their anger out and they should do it right in front of their abusers.  

I also think anyone who has lost their eyelashes and eyebrows needs to learn how to apply make up and needs to know what colors work for them.   

I hope things get better for you.  

Comment by Karen on September 1, 2016 at 11:02am

Hello, I hesitate to respond but my heart is breaking as I have a child with many things going on with him but Alopecia was one of them. He has just spots that we're getting bigger and bigger. His Neurologist told me to get him on a good mineral as did his chiropractor and a few other holistic people. I went to our local vitamin store and got him a few different good quality minerals but none seemed to help. I WAS a distributor for It Works and they have a mineral that I started to give him. Within 3 months all his hair is back and it stops the small spots in their tracks. I certainly would not guarantee that it works for everyone but it is worth a try.

Comment by Fiorina 161 on September 1, 2016 at 11:02am

I would put my child in a private school and make the board of education of your town pay for it.

Comment by Kelsey on September 1, 2016 at 11:10am

what mineral did you use from IT WORKS

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