Alopecia World
Where acceptance is all there is!
I like you, but I'm scared to get to know you...because I'm bald
I haven't attempted at a new relationship since my last.
And I'm scared to try.
Should I tell you later?
Say I do open up and get to know you, but the constant thought of my secret is on the tip of every word I've said.
I don't want to reveal my secret just to have you run the other way.
But if you run then that lets me know it wasn't meant to be, right?
No?
Yes?
Should I tell you sooner?
Well I've asked that question to a ex bf and he said...
Ex-Bf: "Well if I still loved you I wouldn't care, but since I don't, I don't know how I would feel about it. Why are you asking me this? Are you bald?"
Me:"Noooo...Just asking a question."
I'm bald as muther funker man! -_-
This sucks.
Most times I'm ok with being bald.
It only gets aggravating when I'm ready to get to know someone and I can't fully be myself.
I have these gorgeous lace fronts that look like it's really my hair and people believe that it is.
They want to touch it I shy away...
Not fair.
I shouldn't complain. I'm not dying, right?
If this wig came off in front of someone I liked...I'd prefer death.
I miss wearing cute hairstyles, guys loved it when I did my hair all cute.
I never thought in a million years that I wouldn't cuddle someone because I was bald.
I don't want to be laying behind and you're me staring at the back of my wig noticing...
"Hey, she has no fine hairs on her neck. Hey her hairline is odd looking."
I don't even like compliments.
The make-up.
The drawn on eye brows.
The eye lashes.
They are me, but then aren't.
But they don't see that
It's not their fault. No one expects someone to be bald. Most of the population of people have hair.
I can't get to know you. I do. I tell you. You leave me alone. I'm hurt and discouraged and what not.
He's on to someone with beautifully long flowing hair.
No hair, he couldn't handle that.
No eye brows, he couldn't handle that.
No eye lashes, he couldn't handle that.
No hair, eye brows, or eyelashes... definitely couldn't handle all of that at once!
I hardly can.
Dam!
I guess I'll just keep telling myself.
"I don't need a man."
</3
Comment
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Comment by Carla on November 7, 2013 at 11:16am
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Totally agree. It's not easy. You just need to set your mind to it. As hard as it is
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Comment by Keisha on November 7, 2013 at 11:15am
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I feel our stories are the same. Started loosing the hair and shaved it off then started incorporating the wigs. I have a love hate relationship w wigs. I know its not easy. The guy that I'm dating now has seen me bald. After awhile u get tired of hiding. I have that I don't give a eff feeling! But I'm defintely not ready for the public yet. Ppl will come up to me and compliment me on the wig and at the same time ask about my "real hair". I really don't find myself attractive without the hair. I'm just keeping it real, but I do feel anyone that I'm w would have to know up front. He has to take it or leave it.
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Comment by Jasmin Flower on November 7, 2013 at 11:09am
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Right. But a wig is me in a certain way....We are meant to have hair..Things have just happened that we don't. Before I lost my hair, I was self conscience about my body. Now I have no hair and the same body...It's been reversed. We are not our hair....But I don't think we should have to feel odd because we are lacking in certain areas. I just want to be comfortable in my own bald skin first I guess. Then I will be less concerned about what so called "men" think about me.
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So know the felling. I prefer not to ware a wig. Because its not me. I belive people will like me for me or they can get lost. I can't c my self dating. Because the consent thought of why would a guy be interested in some one who is bold.
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Thanks I really do feel better from the comments! My sons father claimed he didn't care either. And I somewhat believed him...But I didn't too. I'm really scared of rejection.
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Comment by Denise on November 7, 2013 at 10:42am
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Hi Jasmin
Thank you for your reply.
You will get to where you are going and need to be in your own time. My Ex-husband never wanted me to wear the wigs/weaves it was me that was wanting that.....I have only been like this for the last 5 years, but I would never look back...Accept me how I am, because I have to accept you as you are i.e new partner.
So do not be so hard on yourself, it is a process and you need to go through it at your own time and pace.
You will find your own way to get through this journey you are on.
Take care...keep us updated and we are all here if you need us.
Dee
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P.S. when people compliment my hair I also tell them it's a wig...They are shocked but still believe that I hair underneath... I've dreamt that I did, and when I woke up...I sighed.
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I want to thank you all for viewing my pain and commenting on it. @Sharon: I agree with what you say a lot, because when I began to lose my hair I did the same thing. Since I've been bald I've only dated to guys and I knew both of them before my hair loss and one was part of the cause for my hair loss. I found out it's easier to go ahead and cut/shave it off, because it's going to be gone anyways. It sucks... =/ =( Thank you btw =]
@Mike: I know your right, but it's still soooo scary! Especially when people think I'm so pretty because how I do my make up, they would never expect me to snatch off a wig and go ooga booga! lol And thank you too!
@Denise: I'm trying to go out with out my wig. Around my apt I will not have my hair on (Outside, not only the Inside) lol Just going deeper into the public without it is the scary part. Then the horrifying part is seeing someone I know and like....Then all that crushing is pffft....I can see where it would be better to go without a wig so if I do meet someone while I'm bald I can erase a lot of fears...Unfortunately I'm not that strong on secure enough yet. I'm working on it. And thanks I appreciate your comment as well. =]
@Paula: I will try and take your advice! I really will...I just don't know when yet! Lol. Thanks :)
@Keisha: Thanks for your input. I do want a cure too. But I also do like wearing wigs...I love being able to change up my look and getting compliments on my gorg hair!! Lol But then its aggravating when the lace scars your forehead and shifts when you scratch your head. I don't even rough house play with people anymore....I used to love rough housing. Now I'm more conserved on having fun....Ugh! I feel if I try to play with people while I'm bald there will be shifty eyes....People making sure they don't touch me....I'd become a germ. :(
@Carmen: I need to find a support group and find books...But I feel guilty and like I don't have the time to look deeper into AU. I have a son who has a disability I don't feel right complaining all over the place because I have no hair, when he has more obstacles than I do. I feel stuck when I know that I'm probably making this harder than it has to be. I know it must have been harder starting younger. In a way I'm glad it happened sooner than later...So I won't be so wtf!!! My hair!! I'm over that phase and just have to worry now if I want to show people my little white sprigs of hair and baldness...Thank you too for the info i do appreciate it!
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Comment by Carmen Dayhoff on November 7, 2013 at 9:10am
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Sorry for the type-o's. But I'm sure u get what I'm saying.
Also one last thing. I'm comfortable with my hair off especially if it's hot or whatever. But I also where wigs. And I get tons of compliments in my hair. I just accept them. If I'm asked where I get my hair done I just tell them it's a wig. Then they're just in awe of how fantastic it looks! Lol I like having hair on my head. But I'm still very comfortable with my hair loss. It can happen.
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There's a lot I'd like to say on this subject as I am 35 and have been bald since I was about 3 1/2 years old. I've met so many people and explained my situation so many times. I've actually had people not be okay with it. But WAY MORE people in my life who are fantastic about. Growing up I was very picky about who knew my secret for fear of rejection mostly. And the fear of people talking bout it behind my back. However! The happy ending was ion ME. I made a major shift in my life and my confidence level beginning about 4 years. It started because I was part of a recovery group (which I would highly recommend for anyone with hairless by the way). The strange thing is I thought I was there for something way different. What I found however was a safe place to share my story. And a safe way to relieve myself of the shame I felt bc of the hair loss. After I came to terms through my group I began to emerson myself in company of others experiencing hair loss. And reading books about Alopecia and survivors who were strengthened in their adversity.
How does this help in dating? Or am I way off the subject? Well. I'm actually right on bc what had to happen for me to date and be comfortable with myself and the intimacy of being so close to someone. If I'm not comfortable in myself how can anyone else be comfortable with me?
I hope that my experience can help a bit in passing it on to you. AW is a great place to be. NAAF conference. Bald Girls Do Lunch. Volunteering to be there for others. Look in a co dependent recovery group. Books. Books. Books. They ALL worked together to help me. I'm sure ANY of them could help u too.
Allow yourself to take time. But in taking time build yourself up. The right man will come as you strengthen yourself. I really have NO problem finding people who accept my hair loss. Especially after I became very open n honest bout it.
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