I feel like I am going backwards right now and I feel like this is a place where I can articulate and discuss these feelings. 

Last summer I had got to my peak of acceptance for my alopecia. I was happily alternating between my many wigs, scarfs and going bare headed, which I was particularly enjoying the freedom of with my new found confidence. I had another tattoo on my head (I already had one) and had come to a point of seeing alopecia as a quirky part of my identity. 

Then I moved to China for 6 months because my husband was teaching English out there. I knew before I went that the culture there might be less accepting and it would be difficult for me to explain my condition without knowing the language. I bought a lovely, new, light blonde, human hair wig to go out with as my 'main hair' but took some other wigs with me too. I got lots of compliments regarding my pale skin and blonde hair there but felt I was only valued based on my 'western' appearance and also didn't feel comfortable going without a wig. This was especially difficult as it got warmer and I could no longer stand going to the gym because of the heat, so my fitness decreased and weight increased slightly, not helping the situation, especially as I have had body issues and an eating disorder in the past. 

Now we're back for the summer but are looking to travel and teach abroad again from September. I thought I'd come back and love the novelty of not having to wear the same hair all the time, or any for that matter, but, in fact, I just want to hide behind my wigs. I will swap around a little, but not much, and no longer find the feel or look of my synthetics real enough. I wish I could afford a higher end wig right now, like a freedom or a follea but I can't. At least my hospital has approved a human hair one for my wig prescription this year, so that's something. 

Has anyone else found themselves going in reverse along the line of acceptance? Did it improve again? Or any other general advice is welcome. Thanks for reading my ramble x