Comment by GardenJess on March 22, 2015 at 2:49pm

I'm still trying to work out what is "myself," but most of the time I haven't been wearing a wig, and even wearing a soft hat or scarf I know I look bald. I seem to have hit upon a similar solution to you, since I recently bought a short, blond wig to wear as kind of a hair hat for when I just want to pass for normal. I have longer wigs that look more like what I used to look like, but they seem like too much fuss and discomfort for regular wear. I tried out my pixie cut at a climbing wall party for my son, and it was nice to know no one was wondering about my hair or feeling misplaced sympathy, and it didn't get in my way when climbing!

I don't like people assuming I am sick or that I shave my head as a fashion statement (Did you get to set the woman who made the nasty comment straight?), though when I did go bareheaded last summer (not something I will do until it is really hot), I felt a strange mix of being powerful and too conspicuous. It sure would be nice to be able to just be comfortably as we are and not have people making judgements. On the other hand, the best way to get to that point seems to be for women not to be so committed to hiding hair loss and to let it be another version of normal, just like it is for men.

On the rare occasions I see women without hair, I can't help but wonder myself if they are sick. I would love to acknowledge a fellow alopecian, yet I feel like hair loss is so minor compared to cancer, that I'd be afraid to point out the contrast.

Comment by Nicola on March 22, 2015 at 2:56pm

Hi GardenJess,

No I was on cash when that lady made her comment and she simply walked away after she said it so I couldn't set her straight.  I hear you about passing and also wanting to be empowered.  It's a weird binary situation.  Like, am I setting back the cause by wearing a wig in the first place?  Thanks for your thoughts!

Comment by Barbara on March 22, 2015 at 3:51pm

I get the comments about cancer & are you on chemo? I started wearing a wig when I go out & no one notices me which is how I like it!

Comment by Karalee on March 23, 2015 at 11:54pm

Getting closer to being ready to shave my head.  I think the need to do so will be here in the next year...two at most.  Here's some of my story about how it's impacted my marriage. http://damselindepression.com/more-than-just-a-bad-hair-day/

Comment by Rach1992 on March 29, 2015 at 4:33pm

I do the same thing as you. Wig to work, and for now little beanies when i'm out. I dont feel comfortable enough wearing the bald look out because 1. shaving it with a razor hurts my head a lot- since i have some intense alopecia areata with itchy pain involved and 2. i dont think i feel totally comfortable with how i look yet. 

i like not being noticed at work wearing the wigs and ill probably continue that until i have a career/job that i can call home and feel comfortable with not wearing it.

i hate the cancer comments. I'm trying to accept them but it's really hard. NO, I'm not DYING. I know cancer is "harder" than alopecia, but this is no walk in the park! And acquaintances and people I meet should not tell me that even though I have alopecia and not cancer, I still "LOOK" like a cancer patient. That's really insulting and very mean. AHHHHHH! I just wish the bald look on women was seen more frequently. I wish everyone with a hair loss condition wouldn't wear a wig. Then maybe I would not have so much pressure from acquaintances and family to wear them all the time. If it's not growing on my head, I won't act like it is! haha end rant.

But yeah, I empathize completely. Feels good to know there's a forum we can all talk about these things with!! 

Much love :)

Comment by Lori-akaMimi on April 2, 2015 at 2:39pm

Hi, Nicola! It's my 6 year old granddaughter that is AU. She chooses not to cover her sweet baldness (as I refer to it). Yes, we have the same problem with the assumptions of cancer. I simply say, "No - thank God! - she's not sick at all! She has Alopecia." Some folks will ask what that is, and then I explain. It doesn't seem to bother her at all - and, it doesn't bother me. It's actually been a rather positive experience -  renewed my belief that most people are good & kind & caring. I'm guessing that it's a whole other story for an adult out in the world, though... and, sadly, we are about to find out because my daughter (my Babygirl's Mama) has now lost all her hair due to chemo... Babygirl's courage & confidence & attitude have really helped her Mama cope  :-)

Comment by Nicola on April 3, 2015 at 3:02pm

Sorry to hear about the real chemo... my partner just had a battle with cancer a few years ago and he is fine now thankfully.  I hope for the same results for your family!  Thanks for the uplifting comment!

Comment by Sarahjane on April 12, 2015 at 2:28pm

I get it alllll the time. It's taken me 9 years to not want to punch someone in the face who is asked me what "stage" I'm in. For a long time my standard answer was" Broadway" when I was asked this question. Most of the time (come on, we are human and those comments, stares, sudden looks to the ground get wearing) I practice patience, love and tolerance. And on the days when I just don't have enough strength to do that I tell them off somewhere else, usually in my car and often blasting music. 

With that being said, having, and proudly displaying, this bald head of mine has lead to some incredibly heart warming and tear jerking conversations with survivors of cancer,people going through cancer or someone who has lost someone with cancer (the majority of us, I think).

Hang in there folks, it ain't easy being us, but look at how blessed we really are :). 

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