Im afraid that my husband wont find me attractive anymore...

So, the obsession begins again.

I look in the mirror as I brush my hair. I see the balding spots. I touch the top of my head. I feel my scalp and my fingers easily can feel it through the thin hair. I remember the time when I got my hair cut short to try to make it look thicker. My husband gave me a disappointed look when I returned home. Hes told me plenty of times how much he loves my hair and redhead in general. Don't get me wrong, he really is a great saddens me to think that one day when I get the courage to ask him that simple question.

"Do you still find me as pretty as when you first met me? Tell me the truth."

Will he? I know that this won't be a deal breaker for him. He tolerated it when I cut my hair but the thought of him not being attracted to me.....I don't know how I will feel. My heart sinks at the mere thought. I mean, I rarely hear him compliment me except when I dress up and put makeup on. He's not much of a romantic.

What should I do?

Views: 403

Comment by Tallgirl on July 11, 2015 at 9:40pm
Show confidence. Plan surprises for him, yourself, your home, your friends, your career. Show a promise of the future rather than stagnancy, mopeyness or hiding. Be all that you van be as a person and a partner. Play Scrabble over drinks. Cuddle up with a movie or sports game. Make outrageous snacks. Dance. Be.
Comment by Tallgirl on July 11, 2015 at 9:41pm
Can, not van. Oops!
Comment by Dominique Cleopatra on July 12, 2015 at 2:02am
Maybe experiment with sexy wigs/extensions and let him pick the ones he likes best. Stay confident and keep taking care of your physical appearance and mental well-being!
Comment by Dragongirl on July 14, 2015 at 2:34am

I will try but it is hard. I mean, I could try out a different look with wigs, ect. but wouldn't that just reinforce his desire to have me look a certain way?

Comment by Tallgirl on July 14, 2015 at 2:09pm
Then pick YOUR five most liked ways for yourself and switch them up for different occasions. Turkish scarf? Cloth hat? Wig? Only provide choices you think make you feel good, inside and out. If he leaves (mine did), make sure you get alimony and child support. By the way, I read about 13 of those self-help when my husband ran off with his long-haired secretary. Then I had a party with all supportive female friends. Within 10 months, I had a date with an also-bald ex-boyfriend,who did not mind my wigs.
Comment by GardenJess on July 17, 2015 at 9:04am

If you know it won't be a deal breaker for him, I'm not sure what you could gain from requiring an answer to a direct question. It almost sounds like it would be a deal breaker for you--if he finds you less attractive, you will leave. I would love to have my husband tell me that I am beautiful as I am, and, yes, it saddens me that he never has, and I'm not satisfied with putting on a wig to make everything better. However, if I asked him a direct question about whether he still found me as pretty as he used to, he would be put on the spot and have to choose between lying, or saying something hurtful. I may be just as lovable, worthwhile, and special as I was when I had hair, but I know I am not as conventionally pretty. As my hair loss has gone on, he has gotten more used to it, and that has helped. It isn't a deal breaker for him, and I wouldn't want to think I sabotaged our marriage because of my own insecurities.

One thread of advice I have gleaned from hair loss support sites is that our attitudes can have a big influence on how we are treated. While I can't help but feel down about my hair loss and have times when I feel like an ugly freak, I try to make a conscious decision to not spend my days getting my husband to repeat after me, "You are an ugly freak, you are an ugly freak." The more I can carry myself as a confident, interesting woman, the more he will see me that way.

Comment by Dragongirl on July 18, 2015 at 3:02pm

I know you are right GardenJess. It is me who can't seem to accept myself. I am the one with this demon whispering in my ear. I blame society. It bombards us with images and messages that tell us that if WOMEN don't measure up to its standards of what we should be, then we are deemed less then worthwhile. Even some employers are that way, even though they won't admit it. Womans rights have greatly improved since the past but we still have a long way to go.

Comment by Nansea1 on September 12, 2015 at 3:18pm
Social worker reviewing alopecia. How do you talk to yourseld with
positive thoughts
Comment by Nansea1 on September 12, 2015 at 3:28pm
I really need support as miserable and new to this
Comment by Dominique Cleopatra on September 18, 2015 at 6:49am
If you think women shouldn't be judged so much on appearance, why is it so important that your husband tells you that you are "just as pretty"? I think what you really want to be reassured of is that he still loves, values, and desires you as much as ever.


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