Alopecia World
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Something I wrote when I was 22 and thought my world was coming to an end
Alopecia
I am 22 yo female, I am losing my identity as each day passes. This horrible condition Alopecia is an Auto Immune Disease that can be caused by stress and worrying or a significant event which has occurred.
At this current point of time I am not coping at all, I struggle with the day to day habits of making my hair look beautiful. Each day I worry that I will wake up from this nightmare with no hair. I feel ugly every morning I look in the mirror. I break down at times when I wash my hair, I see the hair I am losing going down the drain, I am angry with myself because I do get so upset but I don’t know how to deal with it any other way. I cry in the morning, during the day and at night. This never ending pain is killing the real person I am.
I used to be fun, outgoing, and the life of the party. I had a no fear attitude but instead I hide away, scared to expose myself to the world. I wear beanies and hats frighten of showing the world my balding scalp. This is not the person I want to become. I am afraid. I have many emotions on my mind at the current moment, they begin from
• Scared
• Worried
• Sad
• Alone
• Fear
• Vanishing
• Ugly
• Lost
I ask myself why me? What have I done to deserve this ugly disease? I wish to be beautiful and in today’s society body image is a big deal.
It is harder to explain to people the condition I have, it’s not like I am dying. I feel sometimes I am dying on the inside; the person I used to be is fading away. I am lost to this condition and feel like a balding girl of the age of 22 doesn’t belong in this world. I lost it all would people treat me differently? Would I get funny looks down the street? It’s hard because there is not much public awareness to this disease. Alopecia????? People question. I have had somebody ask me if it was a skin condition, geez I wish.
I have been dealing with this since the age of 10, little spots at first always been able to hide and use cream. But then at the age of 16 it got a little bit more serious. I sometimes think back to that time in my life and wonder what went wrong…… I defiantly know what went wrong. My friends did not say anything on my 16th birthday. Year 10 was a tough year for me struggling to fit in with friendship groups. It was a difficult time of my life.
My hair slowly got better, but then at the age of 18 it came back. Why I ask again? Maybe it was year 12 and the stress of trying to decide lives biggest questions.
But since the age of 21 to being nearly 23 in a month, I don’t know what to put it too. I have struggled over the years trying to fit in and making other people happy. Putting more stress on my life, wondering what I’m I doing with my life. And over the past 4 months I’ve seen my hair fade away. I sometimes wonder if things could have been different. This year I also found out my so called best friends are planning an overseas trip, where was my invite? That hurt me the most. I try to be the best friend I can be but I don’t seem to be getting that in return. Do I need that in my life? NO.
I cry feeling alone and lost and in pain.
I wish that my hair would grow, is that so much to ask? I want to be normal
I want to be beautiful. Cause at the moment I am ugly. I know people try to make me feel better by saying I am not ugly but that doesn’t help at all sadly.
I am 22 yo female, I am losing my identity as each day passes. This horrible condition Alopecia is an Auto Immune Disease that can be caused by stress and worrying or a significant event which has occurred.
At this current point of time I am not coping at all, I struggle with the day to day habits of making my hair look beautiful. Each day I worry that I will wake up from this nightmare with no hair. I feel ugly every morning I look in the mirror. I break down at times when I wash my hair, I see the hair I am losing going down the drain, I am angry with myself because I do get so upset but I don’t know how to deal with it any other way. I cry in the morning, during the day and at night. This never ending pain is killing the real person I am.
I used to be fun, outgoing, and the life of the party. I had a no fear attitude but instead I hide away, scared to expose myself to the world. I wear beanies and hats frighten of showing the world my balding scalp. This is not the person I want to become. I am afraid. I have many emotions on my mind at the current moment, they begin from
• Scared
• Worried
• Sad
• Alone
• Fear
• Vanishing
• Ugly
• Lost
I ask myself why me? What have I done to deserve this ugly disease? I wish to be beautiful and in today’s society body image is a big deal.
It is harder to explain to people the condition I have, it’s not like I am dying. I feel sometimes I am dying on the inside; the person I used to be is fading away. I am lost to this condition and feel like a balding girl of the age of 22 doesn’t belong in this world. I lost it all would people treat me differently? Would I get funny looks down the street? It’s hard because there is not much public awareness to this disease. Alopecia????? People question. I have had somebody ask me if it was a skin condition, geez I wish.
I have been dealing with this since the age of 10, little spots at first always been able to hide and use cream. But then at the age of 16 it got a little bit more serious. I sometimes think back to that time in my life and wonder what went wrong…… I defiantly know what went wrong. My friends did not say anything on my 16th birthday. Year 10 was a tough year for me struggling to fit in with friendship groups. It was a difficult time of my life.
My hair slowly got better, but then at the age of 18 it came back. Why I ask again? Maybe it was year 12 and the stress of trying to decide lives biggest questions.
But since the age of 21 to being nearly 23 in a month, I don’t know what to put it too. I have struggled over the years trying to fit in and making other people happy. Putting more stress on my life, wondering what I’m I doing with my life. And over the past 4 months I’ve seen my hair fade away. I sometimes wonder if things could have been different. This year I also found out my so called best friends are planning an overseas trip, where was my invite? That hurt me the most. I try to be the best friend I can be but I don’t seem to be getting that in return. Do I need that in my life? NO.
I cry feeling alone and lost and in pain.
I wish that my hair would grow, is that so much to ask? I want to be normal
I want to be beautiful. Cause at the moment I am ugly. I know people try to make me feel better by saying I am not ugly but that doesn’t help at all sadly.
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Comment by Cheryl, Co-founder on August 10, 2011 at 12:26pm
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Hi Nathalie, your blog brings back lots of memories. I don't know how long ago your wrote this, but I would love to know what are your feelings now.
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Comment by Natalie on August 10, 2011 at 1:22pm
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Hi Nathalie, and I'm sorry to hear about all the hard times you are going through. It really hit me when you wrote "I feel sometimes I am dying on the inside." I felt that way, too; like I was losing a huge piece of myself. The good news is that an even better me was re-born after I lost my hair (who would have thought?!). Take everything one day at a time, and please know that you are not alone! Things will look up, and you are beautiful with or without your hair!
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Comment by Natalie Martin on August 10, 2011 at 6:09pm
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hi there, its great to hear feed back on something i wrote 2 years ago but was to scared to tell anyone, I am 24 now and have had AU for nearly a year, it has been extremely hard but i have a good support with my family my mum is my rock. my feelings on being bald now have turned from extremely negative to finding some positives in it all. I find it upsetting at times dealing with the fact i have no eyelashes the daily routine i go through putting on my make up and looking natural is so damn hard. I also find it hard being a normal 24yo girl i enjoy going out night clubbing but there is always somebody stupid that grabs your hair thinking its a funny joke to mess up your hair, well its not.
There are good days and bad days, but the tears have slowly stopped, it was too hard crying over alopecia.
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Comment by Ktownnana on August 10, 2011 at 10:28pm
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Natalie, look at Miss Delaware 2011--she suffers from Alopecia and won a beauty contest. This should really boost all of us who have this disease.
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Comment by Bryn on August 11, 2011 at 1:10am
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I agree !
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Comment by MiNAH on August 11, 2011 at 3:17am
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We can all relate ... all sympathize and stand beside you in your plight. We all know, all to well the sadness and memories. Some like me, have come to terms with hair loss and others it might still take some more time to find that inner peace. Until then, we are here in numbers, supporting each other with strength, empathy, compassion and love.
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Comment by AJ on August 11, 2011 at 7:50am
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Hi Natalie, gosh, that was really powerful. You really expressed how intense emotional pain can be. The fact you've now shown you can come through that, and find your confidence and happiness and strength, is really inspiring, thanks for sharing it. And you look gorgeous. x
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Comment by Aidan Potts on August 11, 2011 at 12:48pm
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I know exactly how you felt. I'm fifteen now and just coming to the end of the experiences you have described. I don't feel like i have been re-born, i'm not happy that it happened. I hate to sound pessimistic about it but but hell, I would have chosen the easy rout of never going through it rather than the advantages of being a stronger person because of it. But hey, we've all got problems. I'm thankful that ours manageable. Thanks for the post, it's nice to know that there are people who understand.
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Comment by Mary on August 11, 2011 at 7:29pm
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I hope you're doing better these days. I was feeling like this in 2008 when I lost my hair. Check out my videos and blogs to see how I'm doing now...there IS life after AA! ( ;-)
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It was extremely tough to go through, the scariest part was watching my hair disappear before my eyes.... i knew what the outcome would be but i was too upset to let go of the little hair i had left...... i lost it completely in july last year, at that time my grandfather past away so it was a extremely emotional time in my life, due to the fact he died of cancer and here i was felling like it was the end of the world just losing my hair, my pop made me realise how lucky i am. I went away to europe by myself for 2months in september and in that time i was away i lost my eyelashes and eyebrows, im more upset about that now then losing the hair on my head, its annoying always trying to put eyelashes on and make myself look reasonably normal.
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