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Life in the bald lane
Well, it's been a while since I've shaved and I've been out about it for most of that time (can't wear wigs in this heat!!). Mostly I'm just bald (I only wear hats/bandannas when I'm in the sun or I'm cold). Friends and family have been supportive and wonderful, but I keep having dreams about my hair falling out, or my wig having no hair... stuff like that - I suppose I'm grieving subconsciously... for the loss of my hair, and the feeling that no matter how good I might look otherwise, strangers just notice I'm bald (and probably presume that I'm sick). I've been dressing better since I shaved, and I've been dieting and working out to beat the band (nothing like a cosmetic issue to get you in gear to look as good as possible in other ways). I'm an incredibly lucky, incredibly happily married woman. My husband is really supportive, but I know that he'd rather I wear a wig, and I want to for special occasions... but this is who I am now, y'know? He gets that, and he's no less into me without hair... But I'd love to feel like other guys appreciate me, too (NOT that I'd do anything, I just want someone to check me out!). I guess I'm just asking, will I ever be able to think of myself as sexy bald? Is this part of my mourning period? Anyone been through this?
I'll never regret shaving my head BTW- I feel a gazillion times sexier bald by choice than with huge patches missing.
I'll never regret shaving my head BTW- I feel a gazillion times sexier bald by choice than with huge patches missing.
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Comment by Laurie Price on September 3, 2010 at 8:51pm
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Hello Amy,
I understand how you feel, I have had dreams where I had my hair and the next day I am a bit down remembering how having hair felt.
There is a grieving that I went through I have been bald for 10 years. I am also like you in that I have a wonderful supportive husband. I am proud of you for how you are handling this, even after 10 years I have grieving periods. I think that it is normal, as far as thinking of yourself as sexy, yes I believe you will think of yourself that way. Until I look in the mirror sometimes I don't even think of me as bald(not that bald is a bad thing at all!) I have that picture of me and my husband because it is the only thing I had to down load, I am not real computer wise. Even before I lost my hair I didn't really have my picture taken after 40.
I am glad that this website is available, so we can connect with people that have an idea what we are going through.
Hang in there kiddo, you will be fine. Laurie
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Comment by Dominique Cleopatra on September 3, 2010 at 9:09pm
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Hi Amy, try some red lipstick, eye make-up, jewelry, a little tasteful cleavage or a short skirt that shows off your legs and curves and some stillettos—and let me know how that goes ; )~
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Comment by Norm on September 4, 2010 at 6:36am
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Y'know, I've tried all those things that Dom suggested, and none of them really did it for me.... maybe it's the beard that's putting peeps off. Whaddya reckon? ;)
But for what it's worth... a bald head on a girl just isn't an issue, and can be very sexy... the same as eyes, a lovely smile, a fat wallet....
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Comment by Mary on September 4, 2010 at 5:26pm
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I've definitely changed my attitude toward my appearance since I lost my hair: I feel BETTER now, and like you, I pay much more attention to clothes, earrings, etc. I wear more short skirts, and tops with colorful attractive necklines. I also started working out more and am in better shape. There's no question in my mind that, as much as I'd love to have my hair back, I totally feel sexy and exotic as a bald woman. Sure, I have down moments where I feel like I look ugly or like a man, but then I look at this photo and feel better:
http://www.alopeciaworld.net/photo/hawaiian-black-sand-beach?contex...
Rock on!
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p.s. I love the title of your blog, and the answer is YES, you will feel sexy bald. As I said, I do now, but for over a year I couldn't stand the way I looked. Hang in there ....hold your head up...fake it 'til you make it.
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Comment by Tallgirl on September 4, 2010 at 5:40pm
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Interestingly enough, I had the "sexiest" experiences with having AT...not with hair. Go figure! I think that strangers are not a good measure...it is how one feels with That Special Person, and the chemistry/heat generated by both as a "we" unit!
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P. S. Most of us do things during courtship to please the other. Married people could also occasionally compromise and give that gift of comfort to each other...and that gift of security. Does he feel less secure about your love if you are seeking approval from other men in your baldness? Does he consider your being without your wig to be his own exclusive intimate state of being with you? Or his exclusive connection of being your main supportive person through all the medical and emotional rides, not to be shared with other men? Why not get that approval from women instead? Then hubby may feel safer. I, personally, put on blinders to anyone else but my guy when in a relationship. All other attention is amusing, but not significant.
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Amy, as Tallgirl says, strangers are not the best measure. My husband's support and encouragement has been amazing, and he's the one who matters to me. But it is nice to have other men "check you out", as you say.
I've had guys flirt with me on more than one occassion when I'm at the gym and not wearing my wedding ring (I take it off to lift weights). And, I get compliments from guys while out shopping that seem totally genuine. Once I was standing on a busy street near an outdoor restaurant, bald as usual, waiting for my husband, and a REALLY handsome man came up and told me I'm beautiful. I didn't have any sense that he was saying it out of pity because I have "cancer". It was sincere. Made my day.
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