Comment by LilyBell*Murphy'sLawLuvsMe on November 10, 2012 at 9:54pm

Many women deal with this in many very different ways. Some tell right up front with the accept me as I am attitude unwilling to invest time if the man is willing to accept it. Others wait until a few more dates have happened to see if they are even interested in the guy then tell him. A few I know have NEVER told them - I still dont know how they pulled that off but I think it is will a VERY good bonded wig with VERY thick kinky/curly hair. For me I met my fiance online and after talking a bit on the phone I told him in an email - for me it was a safe way - he could process the information at his pace and I would not have to deal with face to face rejection. He was the first man I considered dating after my hair fell out because before that I was dealing with my Dad's sudden death and the hair loss happened after that.

Even if you meet in the real world - get his email - if you are interested you could still tell him that way if that feels safer to you. If you have not known him long I dont think I would tell him in an isolated place - some men are nuts and while I dont like to think about it I do know of one women who was physically attacked after telling her date while in his car. It can happen so be in a safe place when you tell him.

I also think I would discuss it without showing. If he hangs around, in a few days or whenever you are comfortable then if you want to and he wants to see - then show him. BUt that is just me. Best of luck and just forget about him - dont let this hold you back from trying to find a mate.

Comment by vladimir figueroa on November 10, 2012 at 10:28pm

dont worry about it too much. i havent got the chanse to show my inner feelings to anybody just cause they can accept the way i am. this world is based on looks and they care what other people might think . sorry if my english is off am getting the hang of it.

Comment by christy murphy on November 10, 2012 at 10:36pm

I did tell him about it on our first date. He saw pictures of me on Facebook. I just don't understand how superficial people can be.

Comment by Tallgirl on November 12, 2012 at 12:53pm

Online men can be looky-loos who don't really want a relationship. Why else would so many list windsurfing and mountain-climbing, or show off dogs and machinery, instead of giving a sample of witty writing, personal philosophy or ability to develop and keep close friends? And...why would a man attack a girl for not being his ideal pin-up girl? I think some men do NOT know how to relate with depth, or what to say to a woman...otherwise, by age 40, they would not NEED to be advertising on such sites for companionship. I think it is better to let the relationship grow out of shared interests, like at some club or activity one joins for self...and then let friendship take its course. Care overcomes hair. Personally, I am "weirded out" by shallow men!

Comment by Alliegator on November 14, 2012 at 1:40pm

I am so sorry! Not all men are like that so don't let it discourage you from meeting other guys. I have heard of men who don't have any issue with a bald woman. Just know that there is someone out there for you. It is good that you found this out now about that guy rather than later on down the road. Just try to think about how it is a good way to get rid of the bad ones or get rid of the guys who aren't meant for you.

Comment by Mark S. Hansen on November 15, 2012 at 2:20pm

This is to Christy on living with alopecia. I hav had alopecia totalis for over 40 years. I am now 56 and hav always been single. I do realize that my hiding underneath a wig for about 30 yrs greatly inhibited my confidence and I failed to take more chances in approaching women throughout the 70's 80's 90's. 6 yrs ago i took of my wig for the last time but now I wear a base ball cap almost everywhere bec I am so used to wearing something on my head. BUT, from my expierence; people are people and to a large extent they are naturally assumptive and stupid before and even in many cases after they know U. I dont know what to say after all that. We can put ouselves "out there" all we want. But im sorry we are at the mercy of society. In my case all I can ever do is hope that someone will take me, as I am, as well. But I myself, don't see that happening. bec there are just too many shallow stupid people out there for my tastes. Good luck.

Comment by Norm on November 20, 2012 at 2:25pm

Christy, you're gonna get people saying things that sound heartless no matter what. People will hurt you and cause you pain over more than just your hair.... as maybe happened when your marriage broke up? So maybe it's easier to consider the fact that this particular guy couldn't handle the alopecia, as merely him indicating a preference. It's not really any different to him saying he's not into brunettes - but there are ways of putting that kind of message across!
There are lots of fellas out there who don't mind, or even like, bald women, so don't retreat into yourself because you got knocked back this time. Think of it as like applying for a job - even if you get as far as the interview, it's no guarantee you'll get any further! Go on, get out there, keep at it.... live a little, and if some peeps are critical, who cares? It's your life, go and enjoy it!! :)

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