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Losing my grip
I try to be brave and face the world with my baldness, sometimes I can do it and sometimes I can't. I've managed to go into several places with no hat but I'm having trouble with places with lots of people. Now I have a wedding this Saturday where a lot of family members are going to see me for the first time as a bald woman, my brother worries me as I don't think he will be able to handle it, he avoids my emails when I try to bring it up. I don't know how I'm going to get through this as I expect there will be a lot of sympathy and I don't want that at such a happy time. I also don't want to cover up my head and wear a hat all day and night. I need some added strengh to get me through the day. When I noticed that my eyebrows were starting to go I broke down and cried, and I was at work, caught me off guard. I'm not going to look in that well lit mirror ever again :) I know a wig is the obvious solution but I don't want to go there. Lord give me strengh to get through this weekend.
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Comment by Carmen Dayhoff on June 9, 2010 at 3:45pm
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Maybe initially a hat would be a good idea for the wedding. But then as the time goes by and the festivities are moving along, and you are having fun, you are dancing at the reception, or whatever you will do, then take it off. Is the Bride comfortable with your situation? Perhaps you can talk to her before you go. Let her know you don't want to steal her sunshine by puting attention on you, and you don't want sympathy. Tell her if you feel that there is too much attention on you, you plan to step out a while. She will surely understand and kindly stand behind you.
As for your brother... who knows. Some times men have a real hard time with what they can NOT control. Older brother? Younger brother? They play different rolls but they still want to be protective and FIX, in their own little way. When they can't fix it...they may throw their hands up! don't know what to do. You know? He'll surely come around. Just give it time.
My brother and I grew up with it, but I know sometimes he just wanted to get away from it and let everything be normal. He's cool now. What bothers me (more than him) is Al-Areata is coming up in small circular spots on the back of his head.
Things always change as time goes by.
I keep reminding myself that hair loss is like losing someone that you love. Grieving is necessary. There are many stages to grieving. Denial is one that I stayed in for a long, long time. It was my best way to cope. Perhaps its your brother's way too.
You have to take care of yourself. Grieve on your own time and he will on his, but you need'nt feel responsible for the way that he copes / grieves. You have too much to deal with w/o all that on your shoulders.
Hugs and Prayer going out to you and for you!
Carmen
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Comment by Norm on June 9, 2010 at 7:33pm
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Sue, I think worrying about this is making it seem a lot, lot worse than the situation really warrants.... it's like being scared of the dentist (orthodontist to you?), but when you finally go it's nothing like as bad as you imagined.
A good friend's mother was totally bald and went to a wedding wearing her wig. About half-way through the reception she just got too hot, itchy, and generally cheesed off... so she took it off and plonked it on the table in front of her. Everybody looked.. for about 5 seconds.... and then they just carried on as before! A few people came over later and asked a few questions, but they were more curious than anything.
So, my advice? Go bald but with a hat. And when you feel like, take it off. Don't sweat it! (oh, how funny am I. Not!) You'll probably be surprised how many people already know... and how few are bothered.
Good Luck with it! Just have a great day! :)
Carmen.... brill post! You seem to know all about fellas.... is there a story there that you're not telling us, hmmmm? :)
Hate to think what you've sussed out about me... eek! :)
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Comment by Susan P aka DGADBS on June 10, 2010 at 7:21am
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Thanks Carmen and Norm (you are funny). Your right I'm worrying to much. I think I'll go shopping for a really cool hat to wear and then once everyone has a few drinks into them (and me too) I'll take it off.
My brother is older, by one year, so we are very close, I can just see him break down and cry, I cry just thinking about it. I think I'm in denial. I haven't had this that long, and the first time my hair fell out was only on the sides and back so I covered it up pretty well with wide headbands (I had every colour you could imagine). There's no way to hide this, I only have three little spots to shave! You may be right Norm I'm worrying too much but just thinking about it gets me all worked up again, my hearts pounding, I'm crying, what a mess I am.
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WOW, I needed that Susan!
Your right! I have enough to deal with on a day to day basis, last night I went to an auction with my parents and there were tons of people there and I was worried that my parents would be embarrassed to be seen with me. I know I shouldn't be worrying about how others are going to react and worrying about how it will make them feel, ditto Geesh! Let me re-phrase that, I'm not going to give a crap that I'm bald and to hell with them if they can't handle it. I feel stronger now, thanks.
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Sue's right.... er, just a minute, too many "Susans" here! OK, Sue 1 (you'll be Worried Wedding Sue, or WWSue for short), Sue 2 (that's Angry Mad Sue, or AMSue) is spot-on when she says you shouldn't do the worrying for someone else. Yeah, it's great to have empathy, but not when it drives you despair like this. It's yer Bruv's problem - let him deal with it. What if it was a leg you were missing? Bet you couldn't cover that up with a hat :)
Try being DGADBSue instead (Don't Give A Damn Baldy Sue). Sure, start off with a hat, but only if it makes YOU feel better.... ditch it whenever YOU feel like, not when you think others feel like. Like I said earlier, most peeps don't care!
But AMSue, I disagree with you about hair being useless. I've found it's really good for stuffing pillows with :)
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Your too funny Norm.
From DGADBS :)
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omg..Norm! I have never used hair to stuff pillows with, but that is fresh and funny.
Susan Peters, I agree with Susan. She said it right. You go there and be confidant! You are who you are and just be that!!
Have fun at the wedding.
Carmen
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Thanks Carmen, I feel like a have my second wind and I can get through this.
Thanks for the chin up guys!
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Comment by Lisa-Lynn Marini on June 11, 2010 at 8:47am
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Hello Susan,
I'm not good at responding to blogs so bear with me :)
I just want to say that my heart goes out to you! I think you show great courage.
You will do what you feel is comfortable for you on the wedding day, whether it be hat on or hat off, you're BEAUTIFUL either way!!
have a wonderful time at the wedding :)
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Why thank you Lisa-Lynn, so nice of you to say. I'm going to have a great time and hope to have some pictures to post :)
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