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Losing my grip
I try to be brave and face the world with my baldness, sometimes I can do it and sometimes I can't. I've managed to go into several places with no hat but I'm having trouble with places with lots of people. Now I have a wedding this Saturday where a lot of family members are going to see me for the first time as a bald woman, my brother worries me as I don't think he will be able to handle it, he avoids my emails when I try to bring it up. I don't know how I'm going to get through this as I expect there will be a lot of sympathy and I don't want that at such a happy time. I also don't want to cover up my head and wear a hat all day and night. I need some added strengh to get me through the day. When I noticed that my eyebrows were starting to go I broke down and cried, and I was at work, caught me off guard. I'm not going to look in that well lit mirror ever again :) I know a wig is the obvious solution but I don't want to go there. Lord give me strengh to get through this weekend.
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Comment by Mary on June 11, 2010 at 10:50am
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Susan, I just saw this blog for the first time. I can SO relate to what you're going through. It's very similar to my journey. In my first year bald (2008), I attended a family wedding, two graduations, and a theater event with relatives, and tried to wear a wig or scarf to all of them.
All the events were during warm months, and each time I experienced sweat dripping from under the wig (or scarf, or hat), extreme discomfort, eventual removal of the covering, followed by public crying....
Finally, I realized that I had a CHOICE between being emotionally uncomfortable being seen bald, OR being physically miserable from the heat of a wig or scarf. I decided I could better deal with being bald. I couldn't change the physical reality of the heat my body produces or the way my scalp generates heat and needs to be cooled by contact with air. I COULD change the way I felt about being seen bald.
It isn't the choice for everyone, but it was the only way for me. I got USED to the emotional discomfort of being seen bald...now it's not uncomfortable, it's just who I am. I NEVER would've gotten used to the physical heat and discomfort of covering up.
Now I'm even proud of my uniqueness, but mostly I don't think about it. My T-shirt says it all to those who sometimes stare: "Yes, I'm bald...get over it!"
My brother had a problem with it for awhile, but he finally understood when I described the extreme heat I feel when my head is covered. His scalp gets very hot, too, so he got that it just isn't physically possible for me to cover up.
When my eyebrows went a couple of months after losing my hair, I was really upset. I think losing them was harder - I had very distinctive, full eyebrows. But, I got tattoos before all the brow hairs were gone, so the basic shape could be preserved. Now I put a little brow powder on to darken the tattoo (which acts as a guide), and then some liquid sealer, and I'm fine. My eyebrows came back last year for awhile, but they're gone again now. You never know!
Hang in there.
Mary
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Comment by Norm on June 11, 2010 at 11:58am
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Well, I do ... any other takers?? ;)
DGADBSue, let us know how it went at the wedding - do whatever you feel happy with, including pushing y'self a little! I expect to hear you've been signing autographs, OK??
N xx
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Comment by Susan P aka DGADBS on June 11, 2010 at 12:34pm
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OK, move to the side people, hot bald woman comin through!!! I just went to the drug store (bald by the way, yeah!) and got some bling for the occasion :) Woot Woot
Man, I wish I joined this site years ago, the added confidence and strength I get from my friends here is a Godsend! Cheers my friends :)
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HOT bald woman??? Hey, maybe you'd better go in a bikini to stay cool.... probably raise the temps (!!) of a few guys, tho' ;)
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Hummm, well it is near the water, and they are calling for nice weather, wait....(screeching halt)I still have to conquer the bald head thing first. Laughs
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And there I was hoping to see the vid on YouTube... damn, foiled again!! (sulks while twirling tache menacingly in Dick Dastardly stylee...)
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I'm never going to make it to You Tube, at least I hope I'll never be caught on video! Getting ready for my big day tomorrow, I'm out there. Bought a new hat this aft. but made it through the day without a hat at all and "I feel good"..... "I knew that I would".... to quote James Brown. Don't think I'll wear it at all tomorrow!
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Comment by Wendy Coco on June 11, 2010 at 8:34pm
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Hi Susan, I was sitting in my own house in that photo, so no kudos for me YET!!! I'm with you though on just going for it; there is a wonderful sense of physical and emotional freedom, and lets not forget empowerment to be comfortable in our own skin!!
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Yes! That song is very appropriate. I was at an art reception tonight - started with a scarf on because it was cool, but when it got warm, off it came. I felt fine, and got many nice comments (and only one cancer question). Bald and "exotic" definitely works for art receptions!
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I was always the shy one, never wanting to stand out. But this disease has given me confidence and strength that even my Mother questions where I "got it". There's no way to go but up! Until I decided to shave what was left of my hair I was in tears every morning, waking up crying, covered in hair when I showered, I was having a hard time just getting out of the house. Now my thoughts are what funky earrings am I going to wear today? And I have to thank this site for helping my realize that it's not the end of the world, just look at all the beautiful, exotic, bald people here. And yes there is kudos for you Wendy for showing us how beautiful you really are without your hair.
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