Alopecia World
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Love being bald?!
Its amazing how one simple act can alter ones perceptions of everything. And who would have thought that such a act would have such an impact on someone like me. I remember distinctly how I felt before sept 3 2010. It was my greatest fear. Thinking back to 2 years ago, I can still feel that overwhelming fear. 2 years ago I was facing my second bout of actually being bald. I was once bald as a 8 year child. And it was the worse thing that I endured. I suffered from bullyings, thinking that there was something wrong with me, to enduring people thinking that somehow it was my moms fault or my own. The doctors had no answers, the only thing I remember being told was that I was over stressed. Sounded completely ludicrous that a 8 year little girl would be so stressed as to cause hair loss. Being a shy child this didn’t help much. Eventually my hair would grow back, but those thoughts stuck with me for years, even into adulthood. In my mind there was nothing worse than the idea of being bald. I remember bargaining, asking for anything but being bald. I would have rather be dying of cancer than to go thru that again. If I was completely honest with myself during that time, I was so scared of being bald that I would have preferred death. It wasn’t til I found others that were going thru what I was that I finally had an outlet for my emotions. I found a network of people that I didn’t even know exist. I was able to talk with those that were both knowing what I felt like and those going those the same emotional struggle. It was that, that I finally turned a corner of such. I still remember my first comment on the chat window “help me……” But not willing to let anyone in on my life, not even those that fully understood, I quickly logged off. I didn’t want to hear an answering reply. Slowly I would share my thoughts and feelings and very slowly I started to feel better. I was no longer alone. Many tears were still shed as I came to terms with what was happening to my body. I still hadn’t shown anyone my degree of loss of hair, I still felt too much shame. The only one that ever saw the extent of my hair loss was my doctor. Every 6 weeks like clock work I went to his office and experienced the painful injections. Every 6 weeks for 10 years I did those injections, and lotions and potions. Not only was I suffering emotionally but physically as I put myself thru the treatments. That ultimately didn’t work. There wasn’t a day that went day during those years of treatments that I didn’t cry, or get so angry at the world.
Then came the day that I knew would eventually come, aswell as the day that I dreaded. I would become bald by my own hand. I shaved the very hair off my head. In that act everything altered. Not only did I let go of my hair, but I also let go something bigger. To put my finger on that something is something I still have difficulty describing. The profoundness of it still boggers my mind. Its more than anything physical. Its a way of thinking. Its a letting go of negativity, a letting go of things out of my control, and concentrating on what is important. Concentrating on the important things in my life, the physical, the emotional, and the intellectual. It was also shortly afterwards that I found a book about the Dalia Lama. And in there I found similar thoughts of letting go and holding on.
Is being bald the answer or was it the act of being bald that holds the answers. I would like to think its the letting go, knowing that the hair loss was something I couldnt escape. But by the act of picking of the clippers I took back a little bit of myself. And also coming to the realization that hair or lack of wasnt going to change who I was underneath. Being bald has allowed me to express myself fully, its a releasing of a curtain of my life. And for that I wouldnt want my hair back for anything. I find myself more forgiving, understanding and less judgmental. Im open to trying more things, doing more and just living. Taking chances. Because of the lack of hair?? Or what its taught me. Either way I know where I stand now in this world. And Im getting closer to what I want out of it. And its more than just living it. Its thriving in life. To make an impact.
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Comment by dmf on September 12, 2012 at 3:48pm
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Thanks, Mary. I am going to friend you in order to view your page.
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Comment by Bald and Fabulous AKA Terri on September 12, 2012 at 4:03pm
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This is why I needed to share my blog. These were thoughts that were going thru my head for some time. After all the years of cleaning up hair everywhere. Out of the vaccum brush, out of the drains, off my clothing and bedding. It felt as I was throwing a part of me in the garbage with every handful. I am happier now then before. Even my friends noticed shortly after I shaved my head that I was happier, much more willing to smile.
Was the answer in shaving my head ? is it that Im comfortable being bald in society? is it that I was tired of hiding ? or a combination of all of it.
All I knew for sure at the time that I could no longer spend the energy to keep something that society deemed neccessary for me to have.
What I know now is that I am liking being bald (who knows how I will feel later... I take each day as it comes) I enjoy my reflection in the mirror and its true what Tallgirl says......"by the improved confidence and activity (inner beauty). Smiles draw people to each other." This is so very true. That inner confidence will shine for all to see no matter what we decide to do with our baldness.
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Alopecia can only rob us of what we allow it to. What I love about this site is it has made me see that there are others out there like me, who have been through what I am going through and are still positive and living life to the fullest. The best part is we can help each other through this journey. We can give advice, take advice or ignore advice to suit our needs. Whether we like it or not we have alopecia. No we didn't choose to have it but what are we going to do about it? Be bitter and angry? Or say I refuse to let this make me less of a valuable, worthy, beautiful person. I am me. Love me the way I choose to present myself ( with hair, without, scarf, hat, bald... and accept others for their decisions. ). Alopecia is only one small part of me, not the whole package.
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Comment by LilyBell*Murphy'sLawLuvsMe on September 12, 2012 at 10:15pm
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Sins I think that is very true. Like it or not - society expects us to look a certain way. I am not saying it is fair or right - but it is for the most part a reality.
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and its up to all of us. All of us that don't "fit the mode" for whatever reason. To change and challenge society's perceptions of what is considered normal.
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Comment by Mary on September 13, 2012 at 12:50am
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Right, Terri. As I've said before, society won't change unless WE cause that change. Remember when bald guys weren't seen so much? Remember when guys started shaving off their dwindling hair and bald became leading-man sexy? Bald women won't become less of an oddity until there are more of us OUT there....
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Comment by Casey on September 13, 2012 at 9:20am
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I feel bad that so many negative comments are on here. I think it is wonderful that you love being bald. I only got as far as acceptance of the disease. I think a lot of people may just be jealous of you and your confidence.
All the best to you! I hope to get there myself one day!
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I don't think the negative comments were directed AT Terri - just others sharing their own reality. Terri's reality is that she is very happy and content and confident in her appearence and, I, for one, and really happy for her!
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Comment by David B327 on September 14, 2012 at 12:50pm
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Seconded. I find Terri's positive outlook to be inspiring.
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Thank you :)
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