Comment by Brenna on November 7, 2013 at 10:23am

Hey there all, 

I just had to chime in that being bald has done great things to change my vanity into self-confidence - and through that process I've had a much better romantic life.  When I had loads of hair and a pretty face, I had no problem getting dates but I worried folks only liked me for my looks (and I was often right).  When I lost ALL my hair, at age 27, I worried no one would like me for my looks (and I was WRONG!).  

I don't ever wear a wig (itchy, hot and unnatural) and have several lovers who think I'm hella hot, and I've learned to agree.  And those who don't?  Well, we coined the term "creep-away" for them, as in if they are too much obsessed with "conventional" beauty to see how gorgeous bald women can be,  then, they're creeps and we shouldn't date them anyways!

best, Brenna

Comment by Cindie on November 7, 2013 at 11:10am

I don't date anymore.  I just can't take the rejection. 

Comment by Jana on November 7, 2013 at 11:24am

I have had AA/AT for 30 years, so take that in context. I have never worn a wig, always a scarf or hat. Recently I started going bare because it just feels right.  I was married for 17 years, and ended that five years ago.  I am up front with dates about being bald, and recently used a full bare photo as my profile photo. Yes, I get interest from fetishists and men who are just curious. I don't take it personally, and manage it accordingly. It has taken some work, but I try to remain conscious of what I want as separate from what THEY want.  I want someone who is interested in me for me, and sees my hair loss as part of a larger package. If I am beautiful and sexy to them, then I want that. If not, they on you go.  ; )  I am speaking with direct confidence, but of course I carry vulnerability.  The key - which I am sure many have already said in this string - is to like myself this way, and present myself authentically, whether I am feeling comfortable or apprehensive. I would feel the same if I wore I wig, though I am sure there would be a different approach as to when and how I told someone I had no hair.  Do the work on yourself, to process how you are feeling about the lack of control associated with AA, and the impact on your image of self.  If you are doing that, then others will open to you as well.  : ) I just started seeing someone this week, who contacted ME because of my profile and pic.  He is the most open man I have met to date, and gives me all the space and respect I need to be ME.  : )

Comment by Karen Grevious on November 7, 2013 at 6:51pm

I have had alopecia since 2007. I started out wearing wigs. I ditched the wigs several years ago, so men know right away that I don't have hair. I do explain in the beginning the reason for my hairloss because most people associate bald women with having cancer/going through chemo...that really annoys me. I do find that it is more challenging to meet men to date, but certainly not impossible.

Comment by Casey on November 7, 2013 at 8:16pm

I lost my hair when I was 15, so basically I have been bald my whole "dating life". In my experience, i usually tell a guy on the 2nd or 3rd date and most of the time they take your lead on it. I find men are usually supportive and more likely to be uninterested in you if you seem self-conscious about vs confident. Everyone has flaws and he/she wouldnt have asked you out if they didnt think you were attractive in the first place!

I find the guy will take your lead. If you are very open about it he will be very interested in getting to know the "bald" you. If you seem really self-conscious he might not ask many questions or ask weird if you are wigless and YOU might interpret this as him not accepting it. Trust me when I say your attitude is everything. I date a lot and Ive never had one guy say it was a problem.

Comment by Shelly on November 7, 2013 at 9:36pm

That takes time, to build the confidence that alopecia stole from you (at least that's how it was for me).  But I've learned to accept & love my alopecia and that confidence helped me to start dating.  this is what I did:

Met a man at a bar & the next day for lunch I wore a different wig.  I asked him in the middle of the date if he noticed anything different about me & he replied, "you got your hair done".  I told him no & that opened the door to explain alopecia to him.  That was 9 months ago & he still adores me!

Comment by Shelly on November 7, 2013 at 9:36pm

That takes time, to build the confidence that alopecia stole from you (at least that's how it was for me).  But I've learned to accept & love my alopecia and that confidence helped me to start dating.  this is what I did:

Met a man at a bar & the next day for lunch I wore a different wig.  I asked him in the middle of the date if he noticed anything different about me & he replied, "you got your hair done".  I told him no & that opened the door to explain alopecia to him.  That was 9 months ago & he still adores me!

Comment by Shona Hunter on November 8, 2013 at 3:49am

I lost all my hair through the stress of my marraige break up. I had been with my ex for 32yrs from the age of 15. So at 47 I was on my own for the first time in my life. Bald and lacking any confidence but sure that I wasnt going to be on my own for the rest of my life I went on dating sites. Over 2 yrs I dated 9 men, some only once but others for mths. I always told them about my alopecia and to my surprise not one of them had a problem with it. I am now in a stable relationship and livibg with my new partner. He would be quite hapoy if I went out without my wig but its me who diesnt have that confidence yet. Its onky been 7yrs so I may get there yet. Please dont let it stop you being happy. If a man has a problem with your baldness then tge probkem is tge man not you. Good luck Hun xxx

Comment by Marie on November 8, 2013 at 2:34pm

Let me echo what others are saying:  It's not the hairloss or the wig, it's the confidence.  Women who are confident attract men, and the opposite is true as well.  Honestly, they don't care if you don't.  My story is a lot like Shona Hunters (hi, girlfriend!).  I lost my hair at 47 two years after my husband died; I'm now 55.  I choose to wear wigs, and I've never had a man become disinterested in me because of it.  Like Shona, I got on dating sites and met many men who were interested in dating me.  I eventually met a man that I absolutely adore.  We've been together for 7 years. Lack of hair and wearing wigs really has not been a negative factor in my dating life at all.  On the contrary, the inner confidence I gained from having to accept myself without hair, I believe, has actually attracted the sort of man I'm interested in.  And FYI, I usually tell a man I wear a wig the moment he compliments my hair.  I tell him that I wear wigs because I love them as fashion accessories and because I have hair loss - and that's the truth!

Comment by Tiffani Who on November 11, 2013 at 10:01am

I have been shaving my head since I was 17 and the men that will care that you are bald aren't the ones for you. That makes finding someone a lot easier because it weeds them out. I think honesty and being up front is the best way in any situation. Before feelings get involved and before you get intimate with someone you should tell them that you have alopecia and that you wear wigs at times. I've noticed in my life that they like me better bald. But the truth is if you are insecure about it you will attract men that will feed into that. But if you are confident you will find men that love you for everything you have and everything you don't have. That's just my opinion.

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