so since being pregnant i have had massive regrowth.
my eyelashes are back and i'm going to buy mascara this week! the hair on my head is back and some even on the top! i keep shaving it so it will come back thicker and more even.

I'm now on more medication for my lupus and will be weaning off the steroids, i guess when i'm off them my hair might fall out again. or when my hormones go back to normal my hair could fall out. or it might not.

i don't want to hope to much. but i didn't think it would keep growing or grow at all! its been 11 years since i lost it!
and i didn't previously have any regrowth!

so i'm amazed and some days annoyed because i'm not use to it. not sure how i feel about it some days.


The other issue is Eric. he is 6 weeks old now. with beautiful Auburn hair just like mine. Adam (husband) says he has hair just like mine! the same length and all haha!
when he is waking up sometimes he is touching his hair, its so cute and beautiful and i adore it!
but some fear and guilt rises in me which adam doesn't understand. the what ifs! i desperately wanted Eric to have adams dark thick hair to relive myself of the fear he might get alopecia. when he popped out a ranga i got this fear almost immeditely! i want the best for my son. i want him to be happy and healthy and loved.

my alopecia when i was 14 brought on such depression and to think that i could have passed on alopecia or lupus or anything is just dreadful. its easier for me now. i have a great life and am very happy. i've accepted the alopecia, getting better about the lupus. Even if i lost my hair again it wouldn't be the same as the shock and loss that i went through the first time. that utter devastation to my young life i felt.

i just don't want him to go through anything like that. sometimes i feel alot of motherhood is worry and guilt!