Alopecia World
www.alopeciaworld.com
My first blog
This is my first blog post. I have decided that this could be a good way to say what I need to say....
So....the patches are getting bigger. I have decided not to have any more steriod shots, I would rather be bald and happy then hairy and in pain. My hair is falling out just in the back (underneath) so noone can even see it :) except me :( Is it bad that the fact that noone else can understand what I am going through because my hair is just falling out in the back? Honestly I wish it would just all fall out or grow back...this back and fourth emotional rollor coaster is driving me nuts!!! The weird part is my hair has always been so thick and I have always complained how impossible it is because of how thick it was. So now my hair is thinning and except the top layer I really do not have any (backward mullet) ewww... and I am getting compliments on my hair all the time! It drives me nuts...to everyone else my hair looks better than ever.
Something I struggle with...
Why is this so hard? I mean I do not have cancer, I am not sick, of all the things I could have this should not be so bad right? wrong. I think one of the worst parts of Alopecia is that you feel guilty for being mad about it. Well let me just say...I am mad...I am pissed! This sucks...I liked my hair. I am not shallow, but I am a girl! I like to look nice, I do not think that is so bad! AND I really hate it when my friends tell me that I should stay posotive. Now..I know, I know that is what good friends do, but the fact is I am posotive. I am a very happy person, life goes on. I know that this is not the end of the world. I know that my hair may grow back, I know noone can see it, I know that bla bla bla...but how am I ever supposed to be okay with this if I am never allowed to come to terms with the fact that I could loose my hair and be okay with it? It is like my friends would be more uncomfortable with me beig bald then I would. I have really good friends and I know that they just do not want to see me suffer...but I honestly feel like I am suffering more feeling like I have to hide! I am way to extroverted to walk around hiding how I feel or what is going on. I would rather get it out there and be done with it, be bald and let the world know, rather then fearful of a breeze that could move my hair and show my bald spots.
Things I am grateful for...
I am so glad to have this site for support. Most of the time I am totally okay...but when I am having one of those days it really helps to get on here and read what everyone else is saying. It helps to know I am not alone! I am also really grateful that I do have such good friends and family. Sure they are not reacting the way I would want them to all the time, but the fact is they love me and want what is best for me, and I know that they will love me hair or not!
Something I wish I had...
A boyfriend. I know...I just had to say it. If my hair is gonna go, I want a boyfriend first. I am so fine with being single...infact I have not been on a date for more than 3 years, by my own choice! I do want to be married someday though, and I would really rather not be worrying about weather or not I will ever get a boyfriend because I am bald. Even though I think that all the ladies on here are gorgous! I like them better without hair. They look so delicate...you all are so pretty! But, I am not sure I will look that good...and I am not under the delusion that everyone thinks it is as pretty as I do.
So there you have it, my too long blog post. I had a lot building up there sorry.
Man, do I feel better!
So....the patches are getting bigger. I have decided not to have any more steriod shots, I would rather be bald and happy then hairy and in pain. My hair is falling out just in the back (underneath) so noone can even see it :) except me :( Is it bad that the fact that noone else can understand what I am going through because my hair is just falling out in the back? Honestly I wish it would just all fall out or grow back...this back and fourth emotional rollor coaster is driving me nuts!!! The weird part is my hair has always been so thick and I have always complained how impossible it is because of how thick it was. So now my hair is thinning and except the top layer I really do not have any (backward mullet) ewww... and I am getting compliments on my hair all the time! It drives me nuts...to everyone else my hair looks better than ever.
Something I struggle with...
Why is this so hard? I mean I do not have cancer, I am not sick, of all the things I could have this should not be so bad right? wrong. I think one of the worst parts of Alopecia is that you feel guilty for being mad about it. Well let me just say...I am mad...I am pissed! This sucks...I liked my hair. I am not shallow, but I am a girl! I like to look nice, I do not think that is so bad! AND I really hate it when my friends tell me that I should stay posotive. Now..I know, I know that is what good friends do, but the fact is I am posotive. I am a very happy person, life goes on. I know that this is not the end of the world. I know that my hair may grow back, I know noone can see it, I know that bla bla bla...but how am I ever supposed to be okay with this if I am never allowed to come to terms with the fact that I could loose my hair and be okay with it? It is like my friends would be more uncomfortable with me beig bald then I would. I have really good friends and I know that they just do not want to see me suffer...but I honestly feel like I am suffering more feeling like I have to hide! I am way to extroverted to walk around hiding how I feel or what is going on. I would rather get it out there and be done with it, be bald and let the world know, rather then fearful of a breeze that could move my hair and show my bald spots.
Things I am grateful for...
I am so glad to have this site for support. Most of the time I am totally okay...but when I am having one of those days it really helps to get on here and read what everyone else is saying. It helps to know I am not alone! I am also really grateful that I do have such good friends and family. Sure they are not reacting the way I would want them to all the time, but the fact is they love me and want what is best for me, and I know that they will love me hair or not!
Something I wish I had...
A boyfriend. I know...I just had to say it. If my hair is gonna go, I want a boyfriend first. I am so fine with being single...infact I have not been on a date for more than 3 years, by my own choice! I do want to be married someday though, and I would really rather not be worrying about weather or not I will ever get a boyfriend because I am bald. Even though I think that all the ladies on here are gorgous! I like them better without hair. They look so delicate...you all are so pretty! But, I am not sure I will look that good...and I am not under the delusion that everyone thinks it is as pretty as I do.
So there you have it, my too long blog post. I had a lot building up there sorry.
Man, do I feel better!
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Comment by Natalie on February 3, 2010 at 8:16pm
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Bravo! Great post, Allison. Just remember that you are beautiful with or without hair, and I promise that this tough journey will make you a stronger person :) Feel free to ask me any questions or chat - I have had alopecia since I was 14, so I know how you are feeling.
Cheers,
Natalie
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Comment by Lauren on February 4, 2010 at 8:46am
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Reading your blog made me sad because my daughter - Lauren - is in the same position as you. she has lost the hair on the back of her head and what is on the top is now quite thin. lauren is only 15 years old and just wants to be how she was. She has finally told some of her friends and a couple of teachers at school know. she is understandably worried about people seeing and how she is going to cope when she goes away in the summer with her friends. I want her to learn to accept what is happening and continue to be the lovely girl she is. I know her friends will be fine and while she is worrying about it she is becoming a different person. I am a very emotiional person and she often sees me cry about her predicament although we do try and stay positive. i also want her to cry with me- which she does. I found this site and hope she will find it helpful to read what others are going through. she said she felt bad because her hair loss isn't as bad as some others but that doesn't matter because it is all relative and she is only 15!! although she has been on here, I don't think she has written anything yet but I hope she can as i think it will help her. Best wishes Debra (Lauren's Mum)
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Comment by Allison Miller on February 5, 2010 at 2:16pm
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Thank you so much for your comments. It really means something to see that other people understand how I feel and I am not going crazy. Your words mean so much and help me know that someone is listening to me! Thanks
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Comment by Katelyn McArdle-Rodriguez on May 7, 2010 at 10:41pm
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Hi Allison,
I just joined Alopecia World and came across your profile. I am in my twenties and live in Lexington as well. Reading your blog made me feel like it was me writing, I feel almost exactly like what you have written. I randomly started losing my hair over the last 10 months and it started in the back much like yours. At first it was fine because I could cover it up but it became worse and worse. I recently have buzzed my head and I believe it was a wise decision. It's hard to except myself like this but as you said, it could be worse. And let me tell you, if a man does not love you when you are bald, he is not going to love you any better just because you have hair. If you meet someone bald, at least you know they love you for you. I recently I got married in the midst of losing my hair and I am entirely grateful for a husband who is completely understanding and loves me for me. If you would like to chat someone, feel free to drop me a line. Hope all is well, take care.
Katelyn
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