This is my first blog post. I have decided that this could be a good way to say what I need to say....
So....the patches are getting bigger. I have decided not to have any more steriod shots, I would rather be bald and happy then hairy and in pain. My hair is falling out just in the back (underneath) so noone can even see it :) except me :( Is it bad that the fact that noone else can understand what I am going through because my hair is just falling out in the back? Honestly I wish it would just all fall out or grow back...this back and fourth emotional rollor coaster is driving me nuts!!! The weird part is my hair has always been so thick and I have always complained how impossible it is because of how thick it was. So now my hair is thinning and except the top layer I really do not have any (backward mullet) ewww... and I am getting compliments on my hair all the time! It drives me nuts...to everyone else my hair looks better than ever.
Something I struggle with...
Why is this so hard? I mean I do not have cancer, I am not sick, of all the things I could have this should not be so bad right? wrong. I think one of the worst parts of Alopecia is that you feel guilty for being mad about it. Well let me just say...I am mad...I am pissed! This sucks...I liked my hair. I am not shallow, but I am a girl! I like to look nice, I do not think that is so bad! AND I really hate it when my friends tell me that I should stay posotive. Now..I know, I know that is what good friends do, but the fact is I am posotive. I am a very happy person, life goes on. I know that this is not the end of the world. I know that my hair may grow back, I know noone can see it, I know that bla bla bla...but how am I ever supposed to be okay with this if I am never allowed to come to terms with the fact that I could loose my hair and be okay with it? It is like my friends would be more uncomfortable with me beig bald then I would. I have really good friends and I know that they just do not want to see me suffer...but I honestly feel like I am suffering more feeling like I have to hide! I am way to extroverted to walk around hiding how I feel or what is going on. I would rather get it out there and be done with it, be bald and let the world know, rather then fearful of a breeze that could move my hair and show my bald spots.
Things I am grateful for...
I am so glad to have this site for support. Most of the time I am totally okay...but when I am having one of those days it really helps to get on here and read what everyone else is saying. It helps to know I am not alone! I am also really grateful that I do have such good friends and family. Sure they are not reacting the way I would want them to all the time, but the fact is they love me and want what is best for me, and I know that they will love me hair or not!
Something I wish I had...
A boyfriend. I know...I just had to say it. If my hair is gonna go, I want a boyfriend first. I am so fine with being single...infact I have not been on a date for more than 3 years, by my own choice! I do want to be married someday though, and I would really rather not be worrying about weather or not I will ever get a boyfriend because I am bald. Even though I think that all the ladies on here are gorgous! I like them better without hair. They look so delicate...you all are so pretty! But, I am not sure I will look that good...and I am not under the delusion that everyone thinks it is as pretty as I do.
So there you have it, my too long blog post. I had a lot building up there sorry.
Man, do I feel better!